To ask how do "make" a child do something?

[littlegoblins]

My child has got into their siblings bed and is refusing to move, other sibling is waiting to go to bed but they won't get out, I've asked sternly and they say no everytime I say get in your own bed.
Actually other child would probably swap beds for the night to stop all this but I don't want them to always back down to a child that is disobedient. Child in question is just 6. Sibling is an older 6, nearly 7.

In the end dh came home and sat and chatted with them for a while and talked her round and a fresh face seemed to do the trick but I will explain to her that the she won't be asking the friend to play this weekend that I said maybe if she's good.

If you promised her a friend round if she was good and she was not being good, then that should be the consequence, but it’ll be too confusing to do it after the fact.

Next time tell her that if she doesn’t do as you ask by count of three the play date will be cancelled, then count to three and if she doesn’t do it the play date gets cancelled. Otherwise you’re reinforcing the idea that she can ignore you and there will be no consequences.

It won't be confusing. Child is 6 and old enough to understand that their defiant behaviour the previous evening has meant no playdate the following day.

At 16 years old you have a negotiation, you "talk them round". At 6 years old I'd expect them to do as they're told and, if they choose not to, then there's consequences.

What are the usual consequences for bad behaviour in your house?

If this happens again, I would say that every minute you are not in your own bed at bed time, you will be going to bed that many minutes earlier tomorrow. Then follow through. 💐 OP

So many of these comments are the reason why lots of adults now have issues with anxiety and mental health now. Bad parenting.

This kid is only 6, calm down.

@littlegoblins why consequences is the badly behaved child getting for this awful behaviour?

They may think twice about doing it again?

Ironically the OP resolved the problem with the help of her partner talking to the child.

That's right talking, you bunch of weirdos. Why don't you try talking to your children and deal with your own issues.

Consequences. No tv, no tablet, no playing out.

If you don't follow through on consequences why would they do as you ask?

??

You've clearly got anger issues? Get help?

Sure you can get into a battle of wills with your kid like PP are suggesting. Sure you can built up resentment and jealousy by treating the older kid and not the younger. Sure you can issue a completely unrelated consequence like no screen time or no pudding, making these things even more desirable and it’s a consequence entirely
unrelated to the behaviour.

OR try getting very silly with her. Say, ok I’m going to sleep in your bed then! Or you can ask her what the problem actually is. If she’s in her sisters bed it’s unlikely she just doesn’t want to go to bed.

People don’t have a clue what gentle parenting is and think it’s no boundaries or consequences, but really most people don’t seem to know how to discipline their small child without scaring or threatening them. They think they “don’t put up with shite” because they shout 5 times at a small kid to do something u til the kids sobbing and they’ve done it. That’s fine if you want that kind of household, but it sounds exhausting.

Give being playful and asking her what’s wrong a try. You’ll be surprised at how helpful it can be to treat your kids as if they’re kids whose brains are still developing, who can’t emotionally regulate and who don’t know how to ask for what they need so they do thing we find annoying. Or just assume your little kid is a hideous horrible brat whose winding you up on purpose & she needs “telling”.

I think there are more mental health issues for children who find out that the adults in their lives are not in control

This sort of thing is not a big deal and you don't have to deal with it in a high-energy way (physically removing child from bed) or by threatening dire consequences that are inconvenient for you (loss of TV time for eternity, no playdates etc). It's just silliness.

I would have ignored the behaviour and let them swap beds or, if I felt I had to make a stand, told the older one that they could come have stories and sleep in my bed for now since their bed was presently full. A child who normally shares with a sibling is unlikely to want to go to sleep alone while their sibling is enjoying your attention in another room.

I agree with this. I don't think it pays to escalate every little thing. It's best if you can resolve disputes without tears and making kids feel "naughty". Give them a positive way out.

This is essentially a joke on your DD's part which she's taken too far, not exactly a cardinal sin in a child of that age. Ignoring it will kill it faster than negative attention.

In future I would tell her that her sister is going to be sleeping in her own bed and will stay up later until she moves back to her own bed.

I would then go back downstairs for 10mins.

Then go back up and if she still hadn’t moved tell her that the longer she takes, the earlier to bed she’ll be going the next day.
Start a timer and say out loud when another minute has past.

Consequences. What do they really like? It gets removed for x time if they don't hop it.
Follow through.

A couple of posters have said about talking to her or being silly, which id absolutely try first.

But I assume OP had already tried that first.

OP I’ve had this recently with my nearly 3 and 4 year old who share a room. You Ger one wanted to bed share and kept climbing up (bunks). Treating the older one didn’t work as she wanted to sleep (in her own space). What did work was setting up a sleeping bed (temporarily) where the younger one didn’t want to be. Giving him warning. Removing him. And telling him that would be his bed for the night. Could you do similar? (We used a travel bed)

Pick them up. Put them in their own room. Close the door.

Mixed messages OP

They would be picked up and physically moved, you are the parent here....

Yes I can only imagine the ACE scoring for not getting your own way of wanting to chuck your sibling out of their bed for the night.
That's what's wrong now, people insisting that getting told off for poor and annoying behaviour is traumatising!

Bad parenting here is the parent not taking control , just pick them up and move them, simple

"I am more of tired parent that has no more energy for these bedtime games and need my child to do as I ask."

No, tell him. Don't "ask"