I should say in advance this may be triggering to some. I promise I'm not a troll and it isn't a reverse. I've posted on here under different guises over the years.
Tonight my partner (after an afternoon in the pub) said to DD (5) who is our only child "How does it feel to know you'll never have a sibling?"
When I protested ('don't say that') he said "Well your mum (meaning me) killed your only chance of one" I was astounded. DD kept saying "What , what?" and he said aside (to me) "Well what can I tell her when she's older when she asks? That's what I'll tell her, it's the truth".
Context ( I'll keep this as brief as I can):
Together 11 years. DD unexpected. We aren't married. I had post partum psychosis, struggled a lot. Lots of problems, arguements between our families, I got resentful of partner drinking and going out too much and not parenting (which he still does). Found out I was pregnant again when DD was 18-20months. I still had moderate depression (it's lingered for years). Both partner and I agreed on a termination. I went ahead with that.
Partner never got over it. It was 4 years ago and he's brought it up in arguements. He's called me a baby killer (I also had termination at 20 before I met him). He's played ther terminator music when I walk into a room...im not making this up. He's been really horrible. I would have considered another child with him later if we'd been able to sort things out. We've talked and talked, he will never see my side. Counseling didn't work. He spends his time at work, asleep, drinking and arguing with me.
Why have I stayed? Fear, nowhere to go, money, don't want DD missing out. Not all days are bad. We still go on days out and holidays together to try and give DD a good life. DD adores her dad, she tells me often. He's her favourite and she's rather live with him than me. Told me that too.
But there's no coming back from that is there? It's genuinely the worst thing he's ever said to me. Oh apart from the fact he's wished I'd rot in a mental asylum with my post partum psychosis.
He's drinking tonight keeping me awake, Monday morning is looming. He does this most weekends.
I've tried all sorts of tactics with him. He's a classical narc and the more I protest, the more he'll continue to wind me up. I tend to go driving the streets in my car to get away from the loud music , singing and wailing insults which is what I'll do later probably. Not for long, I don't want to leave DD with him at all. She always sleeps through everything.
I've spoken to my family, and whilst they hate him, they don't want to know. They don't take me and DD even for a night. Neither can any friends. When I've opened up to friends they just say kick him out, but he's 18 stone and a bully. It's not that simple.
I know AIBU will give me honesty.
I don't know what to do but I'm determined this will be my last miserable year living like this.