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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is your DH proud of what you do for work?

73 replies

Wowjustwow88 · 12/11/2023 18:52

Possible a controversial one, but is your DH proud of what you do for a job?

In the heat of an argument, DH has admitted that he doesn't actually know what I do, isn't proud of what I achieve and only measures success on how much time I get to spend at home with him and the kids.

We both work full time, I am proud of what I do and work hard at my job, mainly to be able to afford the house etc we have, but also because I enjoy it.

OP posts:
Rainwind65 · 12/11/2023 18:54

Yes mine does, and he is my biggest cheerleader.

He is dismissive of your success, and it is not a great quality to find in a life partner sorry.

Ponderingwindow · 12/11/2023 18:54

Well he moved cities for my job so I think that shows he takes my career seriously.

Generalquery · 12/11/2023 18:55

Yes and shows off about me to anyone who will listen. I won’t say what job I do because he would still be just the same whatever job I did. He is just proud of me because he loves me.

TippledPink · 12/11/2023 18:57

Yes, very very proud and tells me and those around us all the time!

Christmasisonitsway · 12/11/2023 18:58

Yes he is. He has more faith in my abilities than I do and pushes me to take the promotions I want but don't have the confidence to take 🥰

DelurkingAJ · 12/11/2023 18:58

Yes, but he married me knowing I was career minded. He mainly shows off about my brains rather than the actual job…which is pretty dull-sounding (although I find it stimulating!).

ThatWriterInTheCorner · 12/11/2023 18:59

Yes, absolutely. Probably more proud than I am myself. And is proud even though I make a lot less £ than he does.

FictionalCharacter · 12/11/2023 19:00

This isn't an aibu though is it?
Yes my DH is proud of me. I work in a very technical field and he can see how much specialised knowledge I have. I've worked very hard to get my qualifications and he can see that.
Would yours be willing to learn about your role? A lot of people have a "how hard can it be" attitude to other people's jobs, until they actually look and realise that they would have no idea how to do it themselves.

Ballinluig · 12/11/2023 19:00

Yes, he tells me he's proud of me all the time, shares my achievements with others, shows off about me, even though I work 4 days a week in a fairly run of the mill job!

TeenLifeMum · 12/11/2023 19:00

We sort of do the same job but for different organisations. He’s slightly senior (because I took time out to have dc) but not much in it. I’m also doing a masters and while stressing about it today he gave a wonderful speech and how proud he is of me and how I’m “incredible”. I actually really needed to hear it today.

I did learn in March 2020 that my mum had absolutely no idea what my job is when I had to explain why I counted as a key worker… I work in the nhs with a role in the emergency planning for my county. She had no clue and obviously hadn’t listened despite me doing the job since 2014!

2chocolateoranges · 12/11/2023 19:02

Tbh I don’t think dh really cares what I do for work however I went to college when I was 42 to gain a qualification and I now have an amazing job which I love. I know he was extremely proud of me going back to college to train to do something I love.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/11/2023 19:04

Yes, very. I run by own business around a baby and a reception aged child which is in a completely different field to what I used to do. I’m equally proud and supportive of him.

ElaineMBenes · 12/11/2023 19:06

Yes. He tells everyone how proud he is of me.

AhNowTed · 12/11/2023 19:07

Yes very.

I've always been the more driven, and he's always encouraged me.

I've earned significantly more than him which has never bothered him.

OP it sounds like he either doesn't want you independent, or your job inconveniences him I.e. he has to share the parenting,

Aortic · 12/11/2023 19:08

We both work full time. I don’t know about ‘proud’. We respect each other. He works in the city and I am a hospital consultant. We just get on with it. I don’t need him to be proud of my job and vice versa. We both deserve to be where we are.

Lochness1975 · 12/11/2023 19:10

Dp is my biggest cheerleader, constantly praising me for achievements. I want to set up my own company and he’s pushing me and supporting me all the way in this.

SALWARP2023 · 12/11/2023 19:10

No my DH is not proud of me and doesn't know what I do. The only reason he knows where I work is because he's given me a lift twice and it will be in his Satnav! He rarely compliments me either but he's a wonderful husband and father and I know he was brought up like this so I don't hold it against him. I love my job and where I work and nothing else matters.

MotherOfVizslas · 12/11/2023 19:11

Yes, mine is.

TheresaCrowd · 12/11/2023 19:12

Yes and he's very supportive if I end up working late, and will always offer to come and pick me up.

Dogknowsbest · 12/11/2023 19:12

I don't have a DP to be proud of me. I'm proud of my achievements though. I don't really know what to say OP. I feel he should be proud of you. Isn't it part of being a couple, to enjoy each others achievements?

mrlistersgelfbride · 12/11/2023 19:12

Possibly secretly. But he'd never admit it.
He'd like to be with someone who was mostly SAHM but who was able to earn good money another way like from a talent/hobby. I've told him this is extremely rare.

yellowlane · 12/11/2023 19:12

Yes he does. We sacrificed a lot for me to pursue a new career after having dc (a doctorate). It's worked out really well. I earn more than him and I work a lot less.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/11/2023 19:16

Yes, he has always been very supportive and encouraging of my career, and I would say that he is definitely proud of my success - his own career has been somewhat less successful and I know he has some regrets about that, but I think he is genuinely very happy for me that things have progressed so well. Tbh, without his encouragement earlier in my career, I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to go for some of the opportunities that really helped me.

Does your DH measure his own success in terms of how much time he has with you and the kids? If so, then fair enough... some people just don't put that much value on work and choose to prioritise other things. If he measures his own success differently, and it's only you that succeeds by spending lots of time on family stuff, then I guess you're married to a sexist twat who thinks that his career is more important.

sweetpickle23 · 12/11/2023 19:16

Your DH sound like a knob. Your only success in his eyes revolves around what you do for him?

My partner is proud of all my achievements as I am his, because we’re a team.

Jeannie88 · 12/11/2023 19:17

Yes he is but not happy with how my job used to take over my life (teacher) and found it difficult to understand how all consuming it was. He wfh, quiet, go to loo and have a break whenever he wants so didn't get how I couldn't just leave a class to do the same. My days were full on demand, before, after school, break duties, choice of toilet or eat. Lunch times were detentions, club, meetings so eat along with whichever, after school same. Would either stay at work after after school activities to do 'deep' hoirs long marking or come home completely drained to continue working and be met with a chilled out DH who wanted to talk about the news of the day, which I didn't have a second to look at, would see mess and instantly start to tidy up before I could think about relaxing. Also of course wanting to spend time with DC, bath, put to bed which we share. He does most of cooking now so that's brilliant 👏

Oops sorry, think I just had a bit of a tangent there, also quite a Therapeutic offload. X