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Original poster

Is your DH proud of what you do for work?

73 replies

Wowjustwow88 · 12/11/2023 18:52

Possible a controversial one, but is your DH proud of what you do for a job?

In the heat of an argument, DH has admitted that he doesn't actually know what I do, isn't proud of what I achieve and only measures success on how much time I get to spend at home with him and the kids.

We both work full time, I am proud of what I do and work hard at my job, mainly to be able to afford the house etc we have, but also because I enjoy it.

OP posts:
DGPP · 12/11/2023 19:19

Yes he’s very proud of me and tells other people all about my career if they ask. I’m proud of him too. We’ve both worked hard to get where we are

Torganer · 12/11/2023 19:20

Yes, I think he more belief in me than I do!! We work in the same industry, similar role (technical, requires qualifications), but slightly different disciplines. He often asks for my opinion on things and we both help each other out.

More importantly, he respects my job and vice versa. If our child is sick, we take time off equally depending on what meetings we have etc. Recently he has been doing the higher share of childcare as I’ve had to travel for work.

Somewhatchallenging · 12/11/2023 19:20

DH and I do the same job, so he understands.

Original poster
Wowjustwow88 · 12/11/2023 19:21

Thank you for the responses, some interesting views there

I think the difference is DH works to earn,n he doesn't enjoy his job but it pays well and he gets a lot of time off which he can spend at home or out with friends etc.

Where as I activily enjoy my job and have been put forward to do some additional studying through work. I work 9-5 ish but if I dare to start earlier or stay later he will moan about it, to the point I have been on calls that have run a few minutes over and he has come into the home office area demanding I finish.

I roughly know what my DH does, it involves shifts and manual labour so I know it's hard work and will always listen if he talks about work, where as if I talk about my day his eyes glaze over and he'll tell me it's not important etc

OP posts:
LaMadameCholet · 12/11/2023 19:21

No, I think he thinks I’m a bit silly. I’m a teacher.

haribosmarties · 12/11/2023 19:22

Yes but we both work for the NHS and have jobs in a similar field. He's much more educated than me and earns a lot more (hes band 8b and im band 5) but I know he's proud of me because he often comments on the notes I've written up or the patients I've taken on etc.. we both support each other in our work.
I think it's very sad your husband feels as he does. He sounds jealous of you having any concerns outside of him and the family

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 12/11/2023 19:23

I'm proud of DH, he has a tough and thankless job. He is proud of me, I went back to work after 10 years as a sahm and have done really well. DH is so supportive of me pushing for promotions and studying for my qualification.

At the end of the day, we should be cheerleaders for our partners even when we may not understand their jobs. We should understand their hard work and achievements.

Forsakenalmosthuman · 12/11/2023 19:25

Mine is wonderful. A wonderful man.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 12/11/2023 19:25

Actually never thought about it tbh. We both do jobs were we 'help' people, but I've never said 'im so proud of you' and vice versa.

I always ask how his shift went and he always asks me how my day was though, so although not specifically 'proud', we are definitely interested and care about each others jobs

SweetFemaleAttitude · 12/11/2023 19:26

*where

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 12/11/2023 19:26

I think so! He’s my biggest supporter in my career.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/11/2023 19:27

In the heat of an argument, DH has admitted that he doesn't actually know what I do, isn't proud of what I achieve and only measures success on how much time I get to spend at home with him and the kids.

He doesn't want an equal partner, does he? He wants a facilitating wife. I'm familiar with the syndrome.

Let me guess... you couldn't afford your home or lifestyle without your salary. Which he will be fully aware of. Yet he is threatened by the fact you're a financial equal partner because it requires him to step up domestically and erodes his ability to throw his weight around as "head of the family".

I have total contempt for such men.

GirrlCrush · 12/11/2023 19:27

@SweetFemaleAttitude

Same here!

He's grateful if I come home smiling. My job can be dangerous, so I know he worries.

FawnFrenchieMum · 12/11/2023 19:28

Yes my DH is proud of me. We’ve both had stints of being the main earner and now it’s my turn. Occasionally he says he feels like he should be the one earning more but is very proud of me regardless. I explain, he earnt a lot more then me when the kids were small, he also worked away a lot to support us. Once the kids were in school and the childcare bill reduced. He took a local job meaning I could start working longer hours and commit to events that would raise my profile. We’ve made a great team over the years and im proud of us both.

Renamed · 12/11/2023 19:28

Yes, absolutely

MyCreakyKnees · 12/11/2023 19:29

He's proud of me in every aspect, not just of my work. As I am him.

ChimChimeny · 12/11/2023 19:30

Not sure proud is the right way to describe it but he's always been supportive when I've worked extra and always gives me flowers for a new role even if it's only a sideways move.
Your DH just sounds like a dick tbh, I'd be fuming if I was on a work call and he came in trying to tell me to finish! How fucking rude

tiv2020 · 12/11/2023 19:31

Does he also measure HIS success the same way, Op?

telestrations · 12/11/2023 19:31

Yes he is exceptionally proud of me and tells everyone how great I am

SgtJuneAckland · 12/11/2023 19:33

Yes, my job involves public protection and I've won national awards, I work at a senior level in my field for someone my age, he's always been very proud of my achievements. He left his previous industry and retrained to work in one adjacent to mine because he "wanted to do something worthwhile that improves people's lives".

JustCheckingUp · 12/11/2023 19:36

Yes. I earn a lot more, and he is always telling me he’s proud of me and the projects I deliver. It means a lot as my ex admitted to me once he was jealous and infuriated by my success, and it really poisoned the relationship.

SwirlyWhirls · 12/11/2023 19:37

Wowjustwow88 · 12/11/2023 19:21

Thank you for the responses, some interesting views there

I think the difference is DH works to earn,n he doesn't enjoy his job but it pays well and he gets a lot of time off which he can spend at home or out with friends etc.

Where as I activily enjoy my job and have been put forward to do some additional studying through work. I work 9-5 ish but if I dare to start earlier or stay later he will moan about it, to the point I have been on calls that have run a few minutes over and he has come into the home office area demanding I finish.

I roughly know what my DH does, it involves shifts and manual labour so I know it's hard work and will always listen if he talks about work, where as if I talk about my day his eyes glaze over and he'll tell me it's not important etc

Sorry, but he really sounds like a dick

bonzaitree · 12/11/2023 19:38

Yes he is very proud- he’s always showing off about my job. If I ever wanted to stay late or do a course he would be 100% behind it ( I’m the same with him).

And most importantly the support shows!

In the short time we have been together (a few years) we have both doubled our salaries. I think this is fairly common. If you have a stable home life and relationship with a supportive partner, generally speaking, work will get better.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/11/2023 19:39

Yes, very proud and very supportive.

He worked in IT and wasn’t really fussed about his job, it was always a means to an end whereas I’m an NHS nurse so clearly not in it for the financial reward.

bigTillyMint · 12/11/2023 19:40

Yes