My mum tells my aunty everything.

[Mooshamoo]

Me and my mum get on fine . I have one aunty (mum's sister) that I do not get on with at all. We do not like each other. She has never been nice to me. She has never been like an aunt to me. She has never asked how I am, am I ok. Ever. The only rtime she has talked to me has been to be nasty to me. Shehas been nasty to me several times. We don't talk at all now.

My mum is very close to her sister. If I say anything bad about her sister, my mum gets annoyed. So I've decided you know that even though I don't like my aunt, I don't want to upset my mum/aunts relationship. Its up to my mum. That's their bond.

My mum knows I don't like my aunt...However it's hard that my mum and aunt are close and I really don't like my aunt. As my mum used to tell my aunt everything about me. Ive asked my mum not to tell my aunt anything about me. As I know my aunt will then tell my other aunt stuf about me, and she talks badly about me to everyone

Something happened in my life last week that I wanted to keep private, and my mum rang my aunt and told her. It upset me. My mum said it just slipped out. I can understand. But the situation is so difficult and it makes me and my mum argue, as I don't want my aunt to know stuff about me

.

It is very hard to manage the relationships of :
Me and my mum are close
My mum and my aunt are close
Me and my aunt really intensely dislike each other. Honestly we are not like aunt and niece at all. We really don't like each other in any way shape or form. There is very bad feeling between us. We are like strangers at best

I'm not sure what to do

She told her something else about me today and I said "please don't tell your sister stuff about me, I like to have privacy".

It's like someone constantly telling someone i really don't like, everything about me

Have you tried, 'Mum, I feel like I can't tell you things I want to keep private, because even when I've entrusted you with something, and you have been asked to keep it private, you tell the one person you know I really don't want you sharing my information with?'

As a mother that would absolutely kick me in the guts, and so it should. The trust and confidence of your children is such a treasure, and so fragile, it should be paramount.

You have to stop confiding in your mum and when she asks why, tell her.

Yes, that's the only way she'll stop.

This was something I had to tell her about a medical condition.

The hard thing is - she is close to her sister so she sees it from that point of view, that they have a normal chatty relationship.

She can't seem to see that me and my aunt are like total strangers who don't get on.

She is close to her , so she seems to kind of assume that I'm close to her aswell.

"This was something I had to tell her about a medical condition."

But you don't have to tell her

Are we sisters?! Just don’t tell your mum anything. Unfortunately you can’t trust her, she’s shown you this. She won’t change now.

You can't trust your mother to keep your confidence. It's sad, but true. You simply can't share anything you want to be kept private with her.

I did have to tell her as I needed her help on this occasion.

But yeah I'll just have to try to tell her less. Which is sad!

I would just like a close relationship with my mum, without her involving my aunt in absolutely everything

My mum tells her friends everything I tell her, so I have stopped telling her stuff.

Why did you need to tell your Mum? Even medical conditions. You are not a child Nd she has no automatic right to know. When she asks you about it in future I would refuse to discuss it and let her know how let down you are that she couldn't respect your wishes and keep it private. It's the only wys she'll learn. Or continue as you are and accept her sister will be privy to everything you say to your Mum.

Just stop telling your mum things. If she asks why, tell her you can't trust her to respect your privacy.

Ooh thats interesting. Are you going through the same thing. Are you not close to your aunt?

Why doesn’t you mum understand your lack of relationship with your aunt?

Did something happen that she doesn’t know about?

I told her because I needed her help. An old recurring back injury of mine played up and my back totally went out, and I physically couldn't move at all. I couldn't even get off the couch to stand up. Ilive alone and my mum lives near me. I asked her for help

I couldnt ask friends as they were all working. I work from home

She does know but I think she kind of plays it down in her mind, like "oh they'll get on eventually"

Yes it’s pretty much my exact situation! As a result I don’t talk to my mum about much because I know she will ‘accidentally’ let slip to my aunt, who has had a dislike for me since I was a child. It is a bit upsetting to realise I can’t be open with her in the way I would like. Like your mum she just can’t help herself and is very close to my aunt. I just keep a distance.

I didn't want my mum to tell my aunt about my back injury as i know she will just probably have something nasty to say about it. Like "oh Sarah's pretending, her back can't be that bad, she's just lazy etc"

@Mooshamoo
You know that your aunt appears to be your mother's confident and sounding board. You can decide not to share information that you do not want passed on to others. Asking your mom not to tell Sally does not prohibit another relative from sharing the information with Sally.

Given the intensity of your dislike for your aunt and the level of closeness between the sisters, it would probably be better if you did not share the information with your mother.

Perhaps you can share with a sibling or close friend.

My Mum tells her sisters and so I have done the same, don't tell her anything I wouldn't want repeated.

I'll take a secret to the grave. A couple of secrets have since come out and Mum is shocked that I knew something and didn't tell anyone/her.

This. And the mother is being disloyal to her dd - dd should be her priority, not gossiping with her sister.

@Mooshamoo you'll have to stop telling her anything, and if she moans about you not talking to her, tell her straight that it's because she blabs everything to her sister. If you have to tell her something, like this medical issue, tell her to promise not to tell her sister like she did last time.

In that case you should have explicitly instructed your mother not to share the information and asserted yourself very strongly if she went against your expressed wishes. Stand up for yourself.

I definitely dislike my aunt.

When I was a child, she was actively nasty to me. She enjoyed praising my other cousins, and leaving me out. She enjoyed knocking me down.

When I was an adult, she has never said anything nice to me. She has only ever said nasty things to me.

If I ever do well in any area of life, my aunt is jealous and nasty. And she will try to knock me down. She is awful. She is not like an aunt at all.

I've pointed out to my mum that my aunt left me out of things when I was a child , while being lovely to other kids. my mum will say "ah but everyone has favourites".

Or if I say my aunt has said nasty things to me as an adult , my mum will say "well she had a hard life"

I stopped telling my mumstuff years ago, as, despite my protestations she'd tell my sister who would then ithwr try to compete and outdo me or bully me about it. My mum was then unhappy ahead knew nothing about my life but it was her choice.

as others have said, just don't tell her stuff, let her know why if she wonders why you're only having anodyne conversations about the weather.
If it's stuff you can't avoid - like needing assistance when you have a back problem, if you don't like your Aunt, you never see her, why do you care what she says/might say?