My mum tells my aunty everything.

[Mooshamoo]

Me and my mum get on fine . I have one aunty (mum's sister) that I do not get on with at all. We do not like each other. She has never been nice to me. She has never been like an aunt to me. She has never asked how I am, am I ok. Ever. The only rtime she has talked to me has been to be nasty to me. Shehas been nasty to me several times. We don't talk at all now.

My mum is very close to her sister. If I say anything bad about her sister, my mum gets annoyed. So I've decided you know that even though I don't like my aunt, I don't want to upset my mum/aunts relationship. Its up to my mum. That's their bond.

My mum knows I don't like my aunt...However it's hard that my mum and aunt are close and I really don't like my aunt. As my mum used to tell my aunt everything about me. Ive asked my mum not to tell my aunt anything about me. As I know my aunt will then tell my other aunt stuf about me, and she talks badly about me to everyone

Something happened in my life last week that I wanted to keep private, and my mum rang my aunt and told her. It upset me. My mum said it just slipped out. I can understand. But the situation is so difficult and it makes me and my mum argue, as I don't want my aunt to know stuff about me

.

It is very hard to manage the relationships of :
Me and my mum are close
My mum and my aunt are close
Me and my aunt really intensely dislike each other. Honestly we are not like aunt and niece at all. We really don't like each other in any way shape or form. There is very bad feeling between us. We are like strangers at best

I'm not sure what to do

Just block her number Op, then she can't contact you. Don't let her get in between you and your mum's relationship. Don't let her win

No bad feeling in my family, but I am incredibly private.

My Mum finally had to tell me, after the umpteenth time of me getting upset at her for gossiping, not to share any information with her that I don’t want passed on. She loves talking to people and sharing news and she just can’t keep it in. It’s her way of processing information. It drove me batty for decades. Now I’ve just accepted that I tell her just what she needs to know and she accepts that she won’t know as much as I perhaps would like to tell her.

It’s easy to say your mum shouldn’t say it but then when something happens unfortunately in life sometimes you do feel the need to talk it out with someone or it does just pop out. Unfortunately if you tell someone something you have to assume that might happen. In an ideal world people wouldn’t talk about other people but sometimes it’s just something that has to be done as the problem shared problem halted thing. Catch 22 situation really!

Would your mom be open to counselling with you? Block the aunt's number. It's too bad your mom can't realize how toxic her sister is, but I understand that your mom has a different experience with her than you. It's hard with this type who treat others differently, and their experiences don't match your own.

Your relationship with your aunt is irrelevant

If you ask your mother not to tell anyone your news and she ignores your request then she is behaving unreasonable, irrespective of who dhe tells, and you are justified in only having banal conversations with her moving forwards.

Yep this happened to me and my mum too except it was my sister she told who was someone I didn't want knowing everything about me. And similarly anything I told my sister she told my mother. I had to think of them as a "two headed beast" so anythkng I told one would get back to the other. I took a major step back from both which was hard at the time but am glad I did it now. I just like my privacy and confide now in friends who I can trust . It's hard op but mite be time to re think your relationship with ur mother

Its very annoying because when my mum lived far away from my auntie, we had such privacy. We did our own thing as a family
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When she moved near my auntie. She now can't seem to do anything without telling my aunt. I miss the days when we were our own family.

Sometimes it is easy enough to identify your need to share but not to understand that others may have the same need to share. We never know what burden our shared information may create on or for others. The OP wants to share with her mom. The sister provides that same role for the mom.

The most reasonable thing is for the OP to limit what she chooses to share with the mom and to find another confident for certain information.

In this particular case, does it really change or impact anything if the aunt believes the OP to be lazy. It seems that the mom provided the assistance that the OP needed.

The OP can block the aunt on phone and social media. She never needs to get any messages from the aunt. It is unlikely that other family members will care very much about the drama between the OP and the aunt. I think most family members have enough of their own personal drama that they are not looking to be unnecessarily involved in the OP-Aunt drama. The extended family members have known both OP and the aunt long enough to have formed their opinions of both.

This! I have the exact same issue in my family. I don't have a sister and the whole family is incredibly competitive. I realised my mum literally can't stop herself so sadly, I had to try and holdback. Its really sad though as I don't have anyone else to confide in. I just knew that my aunt was being told my every move and repeating it all to her daughter.

We had this in my family between my mum, her sister and my grandmother. We called it the maternal hotline. My mum would tell my gma things throughout my childhood and if she took issue with it she would write me poison pen letters or ambush me with diatribes if I visited her.

Dysfunctional families and toxic members of those families will always have a version of events that isn't yours. Your challenge is to be OK with that. Your aunty interprets something you do as lazy? That's actually fine. You know you're not lazy, you know she's a batshit weirdo with her own axe to grind for who knows what reason. Let her think it, what she thinks doesn't mean anything to you.

Don't give her the control over you. She can think what she likes. She's the one with the problem, not you. Block her number, tell your mum you couldn't give two hours what aunty Bitch has to say on the matter and enjoy your life free of letting her judgement affect you.

My mother was like this. Not just with an auntie, but she'd say stuff to random people.
When l told her myself and my (now ex) husband were splitting up, the first thing she said was "What am l going to tell people?"
Nothing. It's nobody else's business but ours.
Then she announced that she'd told a few people that we were splitting up, "But there's nobody else involved...." which there wasn't.
But again, IT'S NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.
So l stopped telling her things. Then she'd say "You don't tell me anything...."
Damn right. Because l couldn't trust her.
And she took my ex husband's side. Despite knowing he'd raped and abused me for years. Sometimes you have to keep things to yourself, however difficult, for your own self preservation, if you know the people you've shared with in the past can't keep your confidences.