Mum's neighbour

Maddy70 · 11/11/2023 22:35

Just day. We don't talk about politics at Christmas ....

Or (as I have to do) state my views and then say... no one wants to discuss politics at Christmas. Let's play a game (having ensured I've fact-checked their views before moving on because I'm a tw*t)

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 22:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Barleysugar86 · 11/11/2023 22:42

I think you maybe just have to cheerfully ignore the undertones of what she's saying and response in the positive. 'Lovely place for your son to live with such a vibrant community.' 'Oh yes, I am really enjoying the new characters in Eastenders.'

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/11/2023 22:44

How long will you be at your mum's house for and is she likely to call in over Christmas day?

She's very good to your mum, but bloody hell I don't think I could cope with her at all.

Original poster

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 22:48

My mum will probably invite her over Christmas day. That's the problem. I'll be back for about a week. I'm bound to see her at some point. She comes out with anti English stuff as well. I can handle that more than the casual racism. I need to keep the peace for my mum.

OP posts:

Woolftown · 11/11/2023 22:51

Does your mum seem to enjoy her company. I would be worried exposing a loved one with dementia to someone with these views. Can you try and find someone else to support your mum.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

Original poster

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 23:15

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

I've asked for the post to be removed. I was trying to demonstrate how bad the situation is.

OP posts:

AtomicPumpkin · 11/11/2023 23:16

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

I think most readers are more robust than you give them credit for.

maximist · 11/11/2023 23:17

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

Seriously?

Fairygoblin · 11/11/2023 23:25

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

FFS! Get a grip. You're being ridiculous

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/11/2023 23:29

My mum's cleaner is capable of coming out with all sorts of discriminatory language and the only thing that works is distraction. I'm not even going to begin educating someone who's reached a ripe old age with entrenched views.

AzureBlue99 · 11/11/2023 23:31

@WorkingItOutAsIGo You are being ridiculous.

ShatteredPeace · 11/11/2023 23:33

Curious... what are anti English statements? Is she Irish or Scottish and being nationalistic?

StarDolphins · 11/11/2023 23:33

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

I think most grown ups are a bit more robust than to get upset about someone posting comments that they’ve heard on here. If they’re not, best to stay off MN & the internet.

Original poster

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 23:37

ShatteredPeace · 11/11/2023 23:33

Curious... what are anti English statements? Is she Irish or Scottish and being nationalistic?

She's Scottish. I can't think of any anti English comments at the moment. Will have a think.

OP posts:

paintingvenice · 11/11/2023 23:47

I think it’s a difficult one. Ordinarily here we would all say challenge these statements, and that you can not let them stand.

However this woman is being very kind to your mother, and you risk her withdrawing her support if you cause upset.

presumably if she doesn’t support your mother, you are unable to do this (as you are having to stay there at Christmas) or you will have to arrange and pay for professional support.

if you upset this woman you risk leaving your mother without support and lonely when you leave at the end of the holidays.

SB1210 · 12/11/2023 00:46

My aunt is like this and shes 85. I challenge her on what she says as its astonishing what they come out with. Shocking and upsetting

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/11/2023 01:01

I always challenge my mum's friend when she spouts all the claptrap she reads in the Daily Fail or, but not necessarily in an aggressive way.

I'll say something like "oh my god, Jan! I can't believe you just said that! Have you been reading your comic again?" She harrumphs a bit, but then I'll offer her another cup of tea or glass of wine and just leave my comments behind. I don't think she likes it but it hasn't caused any obvious damage. Besides, I don't like her fucking opinions, so why should she be doing all the upsetting?

Pinkpinkpink15 · 12/11/2023 01:05

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 22:25

I have a bit of a problem at Christmas. I'm going to my mum's who I recently found out has dementia.

Her next door neighbour has been very helpful, driving her to appointments and such. I'm very grateful to her.

The problem is, she reads the Daily Heil and has terribly racist views including anti English views. She often invites herself in and will probably come over while I'm there.

While I'm a big proponent of free speech and am grateful to her for the help she's given my mum, I find it hard to talk to her as she winds me up. How do I keep the peace over Christmas?

@namechange1032 you appreciate how lively she is to your Mum & keep your gob shut!!

you don't have to agree with her, but don't alienate your Mum's very helpful neighbour, your mum will be impacted. 🤐

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/11/2023 01:07

If she is good to your mum just ignore it. Just go on as if she hasn’t said anything. If she keeps going talk over the top of her.

doctorfosterwenttohospital · 12/11/2023 01:08

I have to strongly disagree with those saying just ignore her comments for one day.

You should never ignore racist comments!

Pinkpinkpink15 · 12/11/2023 01:09

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 11/11/2023 23:12

Honestly, I wish you hadn’t even typed out her comments. I don’t want to see them here. Can you perhaps ask MNHQ to edit your post, perhaps? We can take it on trust that she’s racist, we don’t need to have it repeated here where it could upset other readers.

It's merely an example of what's she's like. It's not as if someone is saying that to another poster.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 12/11/2023 01:13

doctorfosterwenttohospital · 12/11/2023 01:08

I have to strongly disagree with those saying just ignore her comments for one day.

You should never ignore racist comments!

@doctorfosterwenttohospital

that's up to you, but you can't dictate to everyone.

Are you offering to go & visit the OP's Mum for some company & help her out?

if you're not, then maybe accept people aren't perfect.

2jacqi · 12/11/2023 02:44

namechange1032 · 11/11/2023 23:37

She's Scottish. I can't think of any anti English comments at the moment. Will have a think.

Show quote history

Please dont think that all scots people are like her!! she sounds like a typical snp supporter!! very anti english. Do you live abroad? If you dont, why not have your mum to yours? perhaps you can book a restaurant or hotel to take your mother for christmas meal. that would mean her neighbour not being invited. as long as you tell your mother.