If you’d be in the Ukraine at the start of the war, but with kid/s, would you both resist and if not how would you decide who would care for the kids????

[Wills]

I’m studying psychology and believe myself to be a full on feminist. But with that in mind how would your family divide up the horror of going to war against the horror of staying at home? I’m really interested in this and am very aware that nuclear options abound, but….

Nowadays, given women’s supposed equality, which (lets me be frank) isn’t true what do couples in really equal relationships do? This is possibly better answered by same sex families but I’m more interested in male/female couples because of the massive history of putting women down. Most same sex couples have experienced so much prejudice that their decision on who would go to war would, probably, be based on the qualities I’m interested in. For relevance I suspect my own husband, father to four children, would insist on going to war through sheer fear of me dying and leaving him to care for the kids. But that’s not a good rationale.

I’m interested in couples, who have kids, regardless of gender - how would you split the responsibility of going to war?

I’m negatively attuned to think that most men (not all) still carry the myth that it’s a man’s responsibility to go to war and defend the family unit. For LGBTQ+ couples this might be translated as the more masculine of two individuals - but I’m really interested. Take the Ukraine. If you put yourselves in their shoes, would both of you go and leave your parents to care for you kids? Or would one of you stay at home. How would you make that decision? Was it based on the ideal that women are more caring or was it based on which one of you would better fit army life.

Want to look at a PhD studying this so am fascinated. Whilst this may leave many to claim I have an ulterior motive. I don’t. I have loads of ways to study this issue, but watching the Israeli/Palestinian war at the moment I’m just saddened at the number of people/children dying. The words of Sting’s song with the line “The Russians love their children too” has been echoing in my brain for many years. So why?

DH would go, I’d have the kids. He’s ex forces, my fight or flight response is freeze so I’d be dead in seconds. He’d tell me how to get away or what to do for us to survive, I’d write it down otherwise I’d forget and pray that we all make it through alive.

I don’t normally do what I’m told, but in this sort of scenario I would do.

Initially, wasn't it only men conscripted to fight in Ukraine? In which case, I think I'd have taken my DC as far away as possible and left DH to fight. It's easy to say these things when it's not your reality though.

Ukraine, not the Ukraine.

Women are typically smaller, weaker, and at greater risk of rape and sexual assault. If fleeing with children, it would be easier for a woman to be trusted and taken in by strangers if need be, as she is seen as less of a threat. In most cases, division along lines of biological sex makes sense.

Exactly this. OP, ‘the Ukraine’ is the Russian styling and its offensive.

I would 100% be leaving with my children and would hope that DH would stay to fight. I have no skills that would be of use in a war zone.

However until you're in that situation you can't say for sure, but in no way would I be staying and my kids would be out of there with me ASAP.

The fight for equality rarely encompasses the notion of dying for one's country. That's just for men.

I'd take the kids and he'd fight. It's the best chance fir the kids being taken in somewhere safe. And he'd never be able to cope with the thought of what might happen if I stayed behind. We know there has been systematic rape as a weapon in Ukraine and in pretty much every war in known history

I'm a woman, why would I stay behind to find a load of male Russian soldiers? I'd be worse than useless against an army of men.

I'd gladly give up my life to protect my children (grown men) but I am weaker and less less capable in a war situation than the average man.

Most women want equal opportunities, that's not the same as thinking everyone is the same, has the same strengths and weaknesses.

There are things I can do better than many men, but men are typically stronger physically than women

Since DH is in the Army its an obvious choice on kids vs fighting!

However... if absolutely necessary I would send the kids with grandparents to help with medical or other humanitarian angle.

To be honest I think we would both try to escape. He's not exactly army material and is blind without his glasses. If one of us had to go then of course I would, given that I'm shorter, much weaker, at risk of rape, and realistically I do have a closer bond with our child.

Neither of us would die for our country, fuck that. To protect our home and child though, yes. I would prefer to run as far away as possible though!

Men and women have different attributes. Men are physically stronger than women etc. Equality isn't about the physical sense, it's to do with the mind. I.e equality for women to be CEOs etc.

I was in the situation of having male relatives in Ukraine at the outbreak.
I chose the more obvious option of helping them fucking run away.
We pulled out stops, got lifts to the border and moved fast. At the border before sunrise.
It’s nice to imagine all this idealistic fighting, but who really wants to die for a nation state? Nationalism, pride and idealism is the route of many problems. I’m just glad to have people I love alive.
It’s a silly discussion to imagine this scenario and think you’d not want to just survive if you could

How much strength does it require to fire a rifle or machine gun?

Or learn to use missile systems. Or drones

@VeniVidiWeeWee I can fire a gun, and I'm not too bad thanks. But hand to hand I couldn't not hope to beat a male. I couldn't march any distance and keep up due to smaller stature and previous injury.

I don't have the reactions norm 3D skills for military drone usage. These aren't typically available for the majority of troops, as it's a specialist piece of equipment (very expensive) so typically flown remotely by trained pilots. Generally a younger person's task too.

Coal face war fair still involves strength, endurance and speed.

Are you at masters level now?

I take it you have no knowledge of the capabilities of Soviet women during ww2.

To me it sounds like, I'm weak and helpless let some big strong man look after me.

As a man, that doesn't sound a good deal to me.

It also feels like an insult to the many women who serve in today's armed forces

fighting a war is physically challenging, this would be a no brainer since Dh has 25kg on me and the fitness and strength to go with that. (Snide remark:Contrary to some modern opinions this is not a statistically uncommon gap between the sexes since men are bigger and stronger than women) Which doesn’t make him a fighter so itd be terrifying, but he’d be more useful than me.

The stress, fear, ongoing trauma and battle for existence war causes is awful and such huge numbers of people globally are living that life or similar, I wish I could make it go away. All those people left mourning children and children mourning parents or having to survive on their own, I can’t comprehend it. Ukraine, Gaza, the israeli settlements that were attacked, the us border, large parts of Africa, Syria, Afghanistan, and hundreds more.

Go and die on the altar of nationalism if you want and join the other millions who have done so futilely. Stand on a front line where you have to find your own kit.
I somehow doubt that.
Do you really think it’s all an idealist story where only the brave shall prevail? Or do you think it’s lovely to kill an illiterate village kid or messed up drug addict or drunk? If only enough brave people stand up the Middle East won’t be on fire and Putin will surrender

Also, recruiting randoms to a ground force effort is not the same as the usual career pathway where women can qualify for and excel at various areas. I’d easily be the one you’d pick to go into logistics or planning or programming over my Dh, but that isn’t the pathway open right now. It’s untrained people turn up and be used.

Please can you put this into something remotely resembling English?

Or Russian?

@MumEeeee I get you