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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner told me I couldn’t order de

58 replies

Wonkydonkey2 · 11/11/2023 20:49

Went out for dinner with a group of friends I see all together once or twice a year. This time we did dinner and invited our partners. The partners don’t all have much in common but they can manage to find common ground for an evening. All day I had mentioned pudding at this pub and when we arrived I said how I wasn’t sure on a starter as I wanted pudding. No one wanted pudding but someone wanted another drink. My partner said you don’t want pudding but I still asked for the menu. As the menu was handed to me he said get the menu and say no to pudding. He said we would get pudding at some dessert place. I mentioned this to the table saying husband wants to get pudding from this place you are all more than welcome to come. He then went for a wee and asked for the bill. As we left I said I didn’t like being told that I shouldn’t order dessert. He then said in the car he was so glad to leave the boys as they had nothing in common. That everyone else was ready to go home and just me ordering dessert would have been weird. I said that my friends were happy still talking and someone wanted another drink. I said he seemed rude by not wanting to be there and as it was 1 dinner he could suck it but that I wouldn’t bring him next time. He thinks no one noticed and that they where all wanting to leave. He kept suggesting we could go get pudding from this place but it’s completely different types or dessert.

OP posts:
Holidayhell22 · 11/11/2023 20:53

I’d say don’t take him next time as he obviously didn’t enjoy it.
I think he was rude to stop you having pudding but think he probably just wanted to leave.
Next time go alone and have pudding.

EvenBetta · 11/11/2023 20:55

Ok?

betterangels · 11/11/2023 20:56

That's pretty rude overall.

Createausername1970 · 11/11/2023 20:56

He was a bit rude to be hussling you away from your friends, he should have just sucked it up and played nicely. You did say none of them have anything in common though, so don't arrange partners next time. You say that you usually meet up without partners, so it doesn't sound like he stops you going out.

But he wasn't stopping you have a dessert, he was happy for you have one, just not there.

So yes, he was unreasonable by not putting up with it for a bit longer, but he tried to make amends by offering to get you a dessert elsewhere.

idontlikealdi · 11/11/2023 20:56

Rude but sounds like a crap night out overall.

Sunshineclouds11 · 11/11/2023 20:58

Agree rude but partners weren't having the best time really

Doggymummar · 11/11/2023 20:58

Unless you are in a different country it's a very early night. I'm still getting ready to go out!

Ponoka7 · 11/11/2023 21:02

Stop letting him take over and stand your ground next time.

EvenBetta · 11/11/2023 21:07

OP was just telling a story, she did not ask for advice or opinions.

Wonkydonkey2 · 11/11/2023 21:08

The other partners were getting on and he has stuff in common with one guy and has actually said he would meet up with just him and his partner next time. I just think he was struggling with the other two. I had spoken all day about a type of desert they do that I was craving and cant get somewhere else or it’s not the same. I had in my head all day this specific desert told him about it and he was offering me a scoop of ice cream. I should have stood my ground but he made me feel so awkward. He dosnt think he’s done anything wrong and we’ve agreed to disagree.

OP posts:
SocksAndTheCity · 11/11/2023 21:19

If he really didn't want to stay and everyone else was ready to go too, I would have ordered my pudding separately to take away with me and had it when I got home. I wouldn't have gone anywhere else with him though.

Wonkydonkey2 · 11/11/2023 21:22

He said everyone else was ready to go but no one had made any signs they were ready to go. It wouldn’t have traveled well home the desert It’s done now.

OP posts:
Itsnotchristmasyet · 11/11/2023 21:32

If no one else wanted a pudding, I personally wouldn’t have ordered one.
It does mean everyone sitting around waiting for you to finish before they could leave.

We can’t say whether they were making plans to move or not as we weren’t there.

I personally don’t see why partners would come to these things.
Surely you meet your friends to spend time with them, not their partners.

In future suggest you keep it to just friends.

Fionaville · 11/11/2023 21:34

I'm be pissed off if my DH did that to me.

fuzzystar · 11/11/2023 21:38

I do actually think if no one else is getting desert it would just be awkward if you had one. Especially if he just wants to go home. He's tolerated them for a main course and was probably like YES! NOW we can go home. It completely depends on your relationship. My husband and I are both introverts and know what it's like when our battery is drained so we just accept the other night want to leave bit in return we both push through if its important. Next time just go without him.

fuzzystar · 11/11/2023 21:39

Wonkydonkey2 · 11/11/2023 21:22

He said everyone else was ready to go but no one had made any signs they were ready to go. It wouldn’t have traveled well home the desert It’s done now.

They were. Their sign was they didn't order desert or coffee apart from one person who ordered another drink.

coverp · 11/11/2023 21:48

I really hate it when one member of a large group orders pudding when no one else wants it. Everyone has to sit and watch that person eat. It's a pretty clear social cue when everyone else declines to look at the dessert menu.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/11/2023 21:52

coverp · 11/11/2023 21:48

I really hate it when one member of a large group orders pudding when no one else wants it. Everyone has to sit and watch that person eat. It's a pretty clear social cue when everyone else declines to look at the dessert menu.

It's no different to the person who has not had a starter, because they're having dessert, having to wait to eat because everyone else is having starters.

Why should the people with a sweet tooth not get to enjoy a dessert out when others have had two courses?

JaxiiTaxii · 11/11/2023 21:56

You seem more upset about the actual pudding than your DH telling you what you do.

I mean, I do agree unless everyone knows each other well, it's a bit out of the social norm for one person to have pudding while everyone waits for it to arrive & watches, but it's rude to insist you say no.

steff13 · 11/11/2023 22:00

I don't understand why you asked for the dessert menu if you knew what you wanted I would have just ordered the dessert. If you had done that instead of asking for the menu then it would have been too late and you would have gotten to stay and have your dessert. Regardless he was being rude.

AutumnNamechange · 11/11/2023 22:02

coverp · 11/11/2023 21:48

I really hate it when one member of a large group orders pudding when no one else wants it. Everyone has to sit and watch that person eat. It's a pretty clear social cue when everyone else declines to look at the dessert menu.

Yes I agree, it is really annoying; and OP - it's not the same as someone wanting another drink, a drink can be served pretty much straight away, but a dessert takes longer to arrive, then the time for eating the dessert, then waiting for the dishes to be taken away before the table gets the bill. .I actually think it's quite selfish to do this in a large group

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 11/11/2023 22:02

He made it weird for you because of his own discomfort. That's not okay.

GettinChillyHereFFS · 11/11/2023 22:06

He sounds like a rude, selfish arsehole.

Dump him and find someone that will eat dessert with you.

JustJoinedRightNow · 11/11/2023 22:10

idontlikealdi · 11/11/2023 20:56

Rude but sounds like a crap night out overall.

How does it sound like a crap night? She was with friends she enjoys seeing, and it seemed like people were enjoying themselves apart from the partners who don't know each other, but rubbed along ok for the sake of their partners.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/11/2023 22:50

So someone wanted another drink but your DH asked for a he bill and so everyone felt they had to go home?

Did you even go to the dessert place?

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