Partner told me I couldn’t order de

[Wonkydonkey2]

Went out for dinner with a group of friends I see all together once or twice a year. This time we did dinner and invited our partners. The partners don’t all have much in common but they can manage to find common ground for an evening. All day I had mentioned pudding at this pub and when we arrived I said how I wasn’t sure on a starter as I wanted pudding. No one wanted pudding but someone wanted another drink. My partner said you don’t want pudding but I still asked for the menu. As the menu was handed to me he said get the menu and say no to pudding. He said we would get pudding at some dessert place. I mentioned this to the table saying husband wants to get pudding from this place you are all more than welcome to come. He then went for a wee and asked for the bill. As we left I said I didn’t like being told that I shouldn’t order dessert. He then said in the car he was so glad to leave the boys as they had nothing in common. That everyone else was ready to go home and just me ordering dessert would have been weird. I said that my friends were happy still talking and someone wanted another drink. I said he seemed rude by not wanting to be there and as it was 1 dinner he could suck it but that I wouldn’t bring him next time. He thinks no one noticed and that they where all wanting to leave. He kept suggesting we could go get pudding from this place but it’s completely different types or dessert.

If you are eating with a group, you have to take into account the preference of the majority, which in this case was obviously that they didn't want to prolong the evening. You can go back tomorrow or at any other time to have the dessert.

This. Why are you carrying on so childishly about not getting your pudding? Clearly everyone wanted to leave too! You see them once or twice a year so gather your dh doesn't know them very well at all. Wouldn't you want to just leave if it was the other way around??

This would have massively pissed me off.

I tend to order dessert rather than a starter cos I can decide after my mains if I'm full of still want one. Having it another time, or in a different place isn't really the same dining experience. And having to wait while people have starters then them not extend you the same courtesy is so frustrating. Used to happen every time I went to a work lunch cos people were on diets or not wanting to have a big lunch. So they'd have a tiny starter and a salad and then make me feel like the weirdo for wanting a decent dessert.

Hope you did actually go to the dessert place at least but I'd be seriously pissed off at him deciding when everyone was ready to leave.

Next time, don't invite partners. Beacuse you know that at least one of them doesn't enjoy it.

I hate being dragged to things and feel like I have to put on an act to please others. I can do it for so long, but it can be very draining having to make conversation with people you don't know or have anything in common with.

Are you sure you weren't doing it deliberately, because you knew he wasn't enjoying it, but you felt he should just suck it up? Because if I saw that not one other person had ordered dessert, I'd presume everyone was ready to go. Being the only one to make everyone else sit there while you have your dessert would feel quite uncomfortable. As one of the other friends forced to wait while you ate your lone dessert would annoy me tbh.

I'm with your partner. Read the room!

I’d really love to know what the special dessert was…
(I generally order a pudding, we ask for it to come at the same time as the coffees the rest of the group are having. Problem solved for us)

Well she put voting as to whether she was being unreasonable or not so that’s kinda asking for opinions.

I didn’t get any dessert in the end as I didn’t want ice cream I could of ordered something on Deliveroo from Waitrose but it was a long delivery time so I ended up with two chocolate biscuits instead. We had all spoken about getting desert while discussing starters. My friend said she wasn’t going to have a starter just Incase she wanted dessert but didn’t and I said no to a starter and had a smaller main as I really wanted this dessert.

I came back to find out what the pudding was

Are you going to tell us?

I just read this thread and I want to know this too.. Can't believe nobody has thus far asked the OP! @Wonkydonkey2 please tell us the dessert!

It’s honey comb in a chocolate ball with some chocolate mouse and caramel sauce also has some other fancy bits on the side it’s so good I dream about it often and love this pub for that reason

Go back tomorrow by yourself and have pudding

That does sound good!
Your partner sounds too controlling for my liking to be honest. I'd be surprised if this was the last time he decided to cut your evening short..

Wow that really does sound delicious and not your run of the mill type dessert, so I can definitely see why that put a dampner on your evening. I personally think he could have held on, you could have ordered your dessert and asked for the bill at the same time. It would not have entailed a much longer wait at the table really by the time the bill was sorted etc.

I second this.

Enjoy every last bite.

Yeah, this. You could have used your words to just ask the server for the dessert regardless of what he was saying.

I cannot imagine being that desperate for a desert that I would sit there and delay everyone whilst I ate it.

Dessert as a starter? Wise up.

As for "holding up everyone else", well, they can fuck off and leave us dessert lovers to eat it in peace then, if they're so bloody fussed on leaving when THEY'RE finished and not giving a shit about the other diners in their party.

I always thought dining out with friends was about the conversation, didn't realise it was rude to dare order dessert when others aren't partaking. Next time I'll know to get up and leave as soon as mains are finished 🙄

Ugh, my partner is a bit like this, he thinks the main aim of being ‘out’ is to get back home asap.

Your partner was extremely rude and bossy asking for the bill when you’d said you were going to order dessert. My partner would not have dared do that!!

Yes. All of this!

I think the thing to do in this kind of case is completely ignore him and go ahead and order dessert. The other diners can then make an excuse to go and leave you and the person who ordered the drink behind, but I bet they won't. As you know this group and regularly go out with them and your husband doesn't know them (and apparently doesn't like him), I'd trust your reading of the situation (people still chatting/happy to stay for a bit) over his.

I'm on the fence as if NO ONE else is getting dessert, it means they all wanna go. So it's possible you missed some social queues there. I also don't really understand the obsession with this one dessert. On the other hand, your partner seems like he totally overreacted and was a bit of an arse. It's hard to say without being there really.

@ReadingSoManyThreads meals out are about friends and conversation so don't take partner and expect him to be friendly with strangers for ages for you. Just go out with you girl friends chat all night get pudding whatever you like. What was the point of taking partners ?

he sounds really ignorant!! he could have sucked it up for one night, surely!