WIBU? DH pissed/dealing with it when he got home

[NotTheBloodyMattress]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

DH rarely goes out for the night for context. He also rarely drinks (less than once a year). However, when he does he drinks to excess every single time. Because its relatively rare, its not a massive problem.

However, he went out last night and got back very late and he was completely bladdered. Wasn't overly coherent and was actively trying to start an argument in a passive aggressive way, accusing me of being in a mood and repeatedly saying sorry/why are you in mood. This went on for about an hour.

Finally managed to get into bed, where he continued the above, but also being weirdly playful, like pulling me in super tight for cuddles, tickling etc. Not going to lie, it was half 3 by this point, I had been up since 6am and I just wanted to go to sleep. I was getting pissed off. He did finally go to sleep, only for me to be woken 2 hours later because he pissed the bed-all over me as well as the bedding, mattress, himself etc.

Obviously I got up and showered, started stripping the bed-went downstairs to get cleaning stuff and he has left his wet clothes on the landing carpet, ignored the copious amounts of pissy bedding and gone to sleep on the floor!

Obviously expecting me to clean up (and it stank because of what he was drinking!)

I've woken him up and made him clean it up himself. This descended into him shouting at me, because "he just wants to sleep" (in work today-started late), almost breaking the washing machine trying to ram in the mattress topper, and yelling "I'm sorry I'm a cunt" at the top.of his lungs at 6am in the morning.

He has cleaned mostly -still have washing in-and I am just feeling a bit fed up.

Appreciate he is in work today, but it was his pee and his choice to drink so much knowing he was working today! He works PT, me FT and I am tired! If he hadn't cleaned it then, I would be having to do it now.

WIBU to make him clean up after himself? I wasn't so cross until he started having a go at me WHEN HE PISSED ON ME!!!

i just couldn’t stay with someone after that, and no not unreasonable in the slightest!

Why does he only work part time? Are there any kids involved?

Absolutely you were correct to get him up and make him clean up. 'Accidents' happen. The fact that he expected to walk away and leave you to clean up his piss says alot about what he thinks of you.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. There are loads of threads on mumsnet about drunk men pissing the bed and women clearing it up. The drunk bedwetter is obviously the one who should be doing the cleaning, the problem is that they’re usually so drunk that they’re incapacitated and can’t be reasoned with.

It’s up to you how you deal with it but I’d sooner leave the entire mess for them to deal with when sober enough and I’d sleep elsewhere (as difficult as that is, because I’d be afraid it would get worse and soak in more). Better than doing it for them while they’re still drunk and then they’re oblivious to the problems they’ve caused. Don’t enable this bullshit.

Glad I wasn't being unreasonable-I was worried it would soak in and get worse, so someone needed to at least attempt cleaning it up.

This has happened before and I have cleaned up. But I am not doing it any more. We are grown adults and the children are all teens now. (This is why PT btw). I feel like we are too old for this shit.

A BIT FED UP??

Make him clean it up. Make him buy a new mattress because it will have soaked in. Make sure he cleans that area of carpet properly or else he replaces it. If he can't afford it then he needs to find a different job/more hours. Do not do anything, not even an Internet search.

After all, he would have to do it if he was single (well, I would hope he would!) so he can do it all now.

Is there another bed/room you can sleep in for tonight?

He sounds vile
and I don’t say that lightly
everything you have said would be a deal breaker for me in every way

He pissed on you? I'm flabbergasted you think you might be in the wrong. When was the last time you pissed on someone? I mean wtf???

Ok so the conversation going forward is if he is going to drink when he is out - or he's out past midnight or whatever time means he is likely to be steaming- then either he or you sleeps in the spare room - presuming you have one. I'd tell him that if he ever expects you to clean up pissy clothes and bedding again, then your marriage is over - not sure I'd mean it though.

He is working until this evening so the rest of the cleaning up will have to be done by me or it won't be getting done today. He is massively hungover of course so this evening will be him eating and going to sleep. I can sleep on the couch tonight.

If this happened to me once OP I would not be there to let the dirty fucking bastard piss on me for a second time.

So are your teens witnessing this? I hope that he is going to apologise to your neighbours. He needs to take over the housework this week, so you can rest and if he's going out over Christmas, he stays out, or on the couch.

Oh OP. You deserve better than this. Once his hangover has cleared I'd be sitting him down and telling him that it must never happen again.

I don't know if I have the energy for the "talk". The way he will 100% see this is he so rarely goes out (and it is rare) and he doesn't piss the bed every time-I would say the last time was maybe 3 or 4 years ago-and has maybe happened 4 times total-he will say sorry but it won't stop him drinking this amount in the future. He would think I was unreasonable to ask. I did ask him to not drink too much, because he cannot hold his drink like he could when he was younger.

The rest of the time, there is none of this bullshit. Its a relatively isolated incident. Am still feeling angry though.

I've been in some absolute states over the years, including one horrible time I was having hot and cold shakes and vomiting sweating and shivering after downing whiskey (regretfully)... never have I ever pissed the bed because I'm drunk! I don't understand all the stories about men doing it. OP, why did he get so drunk if he knows he has work?

He could fuck off. Up to you if you give him one chance not to do it again... Or have you perhaps already given him that in the past?

4 times!? No, sorry, I'd leave him. Does he have a bladder problem actually? It's not Al to piss the bed just because you're drunk!

So it doesn’t get done today. Don’t do it for him. He has to do it himself.

We have been together for over 20 years btw, so 4 times is yes a lot and 4 times too many-but I wouldn't call it a regular occurence.

I would 100% make him buy a new mattress!

It wouldn't matter if he drank once in a decade, pissing the bed is just utterly beyond the pale. His attitude is shit. How would he take it if you shat on him because you were pissed? I'm guessing not too well.

Why are you making excuses for him? This is so odd. He has pissed in your bed 4 times and you are still sleeping in it?

Oh absolutely, I've never lost bladder control because I am that pissed. I just think today I am going to go and treat myself to something, and not waste too much energy on trying to reason with him today when he is hungover and I am knackered.. I'm also fucking fuming that my (once) lovely bed is in no fit state for a weekend lie in.

I guess I thought we had reached an age where getting this pissed-however rare-wasn't a thing anymore.

We have replaced the bed and mattress several times since being together lol

Get a blow up mattress and say that’s where he sleeps when he’s completely drunk.

If he is so far wedded to drinking that he isn’t mortified to have pissed the bed —well? I don’t know how to complete the sentence. I am flabbergasted. Sincerely. If he were my dh I’d tell him he either goes cold turkey or gets out.