WIBU? DH pissed/dealing with it when he got home

[NotTheBloodyMattress]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

DH rarely goes out for the night for context. He also rarely drinks (less than once a year). However, when he does he drinks to excess every single time. Because its relatively rare, its not a massive problem.

However, he went out last night and got back very late and he was completely bladdered. Wasn't overly coherent and was actively trying to start an argument in a passive aggressive way, accusing me of being in a mood and repeatedly saying sorry/why are you in mood. This went on for about an hour.

Finally managed to get into bed, where he continued the above, but also being weirdly playful, like pulling me in super tight for cuddles, tickling etc. Not going to lie, it was half 3 by this point, I had been up since 6am and I just wanted to go to sleep. I was getting pissed off. He did finally go to sleep, only for me to be woken 2 hours later because he pissed the bed-all over me as well as the bedding, mattress, himself etc.

Obviously I got up and showered, started stripping the bed-went downstairs to get cleaning stuff and he has left his wet clothes on the landing carpet, ignored the copious amounts of pissy bedding and gone to sleep on the floor!

Obviously expecting me to clean up (and it stank because of what he was drinking!)

I've woken him up and made him clean it up himself. This descended into him shouting at me, because "he just wants to sleep" (in work today-started late), almost breaking the washing machine trying to ram in the mattress topper, and yelling "I'm sorry I'm a cunt" at the top.of his lungs at 6am in the morning.

He has cleaned mostly -still have washing in-and I am just feeling a bit fed up.

Appreciate he is in work today, but it was his pee and his choice to drink so much knowing he was working today! He works PT, me FT and I am tired! If he hadn't cleaned it then, I would be having to do it now.

WIBU to make him clean up after himself? I wasn't so cross until he started having a go at me WHEN HE PISSED ON ME!!!

This was my immediate thought.. and I wondered if i was being unreasonable.
Honestly, I couldn't cope with this.
It would be sayonara 👋

I told him last night *if he goes out drinking again he needs to make arrangements to sleep elsewhere. And I meant it.

Like I said, I am too old for this shit.

I just want to check I have understood this: your husband only drinks alcohol on average once a year, but each time he does so he drinks it to such massive excess that 20% of the time (roughly) he pisses on himself and you? But doesn't really see this pissing as a problem, on the basis that it only happens once every few years?

It's a strange pattern of behaviour. Does he choose sobriety for the majority of the year because he realises that he can't moderate his drinking? Yet thinks appalling drunken behaviour is ok if it's very rare?

I ask because the obvious thing for him is to stop drinking altogether. I stopped because I was ashamed of my behaviour when I was drunk (and I certainly never pissed on myself or anyone else, or anything close to that!). Most people who stop drinking can find it somewhat hard at first, but your husband wouldn't surely as he is sober the vast majority of the time anyway....

It's just so hard to understand what his attitude towards alcohol actually is. It's all very strange, and I've listened to a lot of drinkers in my time as you may imagine! But nobody quite like this.....

Btw, Did you really lol just then?
You sound a lot more chilled than us about it 😎

But not this time. After he pissed in it. The abuse and pissing all over you wasn’t enough. You cleaned up after him as well.

Pissing the bed is totally outrageous. I’d be incandescent. Getting arsey with you is also absolutely unacceptable, it isn’t your fault he can’t control himself. I agree with pp, next time, he sleeps on a plastic blow up bed elsewhere.

And when he says it’s only very rarely, you say you PISSED ON ME. You have done this 4 times! How many times do you think the average woman has been pissed on in bed? ZERO. I never ever want it to happen again. I am allowed to choose NOT to be pissed on. One single more time in our lifetimes is not a very small number of times to be pissed on by your husband, it’s a huge number! It’s probably more common to be on your 5th husband than to be pissed on 5 times by your husband! I am fucked off, I will not be pissed on and you are never getting in our bed drunk again.

This is on the same level as the woman whose husband was pissed off because she didn’t want to have a bath after him in the same bath water, to save money. And she did it.

Is that because of him pissing or just as needed?

This. I bet this is only one thing of many, to behave like that.

Yes thats right-when we were younger he went out fairly regularly as I did to be fair-we were young and had no children.

Over the years, we have both gradually drank less and less frequently-not even a conscious choice really-for me anyway, I just don't like the feeling of being drunk any more and one drink, even an alco pop type one, is enough for me to be tipsy. I tend to have one drink on New Year. He is the same.

Except on these odd occasions. He seems to think he can chuck the same amount down his neck as when he was younger. I would describe it as very infrequent binge drinking. Its his choice. I don't know why he does this and then doesn't drink the rest of the time. If he wants to go out for drinks, he is a grown adult. Its his decision. But I fully agree that this is not OK and I can't excuse it as being young and stupid.

I have made excuses for him when it has happened in the past. I am definitely not doing this now.

Where’s his self respect? Where is his respect for you? If I’d done that I’d be so embarrassed I’d be making sure it didn’t happen again.

Not unreasonable at all. He should have cleaned up after himself. Getting so drunk you pissed the bed is absolutely not ok. I'd be pissed off.

That said as he rarely goes out so this isn't a common thing I'd expect flowers and a grovelling apology when got home from work and then id let it go.

I would also expect him to sleep else where and not in our bed if he can't work out how to not piss the bed when drunk and I would make sure I was in bed before he got home

Sorry for the lol it was just a funny thought we would have the same bed/mattress after 20 years (even without the peeing!) Yes we have replaced the mattress after each time. Its pretty hard to get pee out.

If I don't laugh about it, I will probably cry so I don't know if I would describe myself as chilled about it!

This is the definition of problem drinking. It doesn't matter how infrequent it is.

The bigger issue is his stinking attitude.

(I'd be aggrieved that he's working PT while you're FT)

You're unreasonable if you stay with this gross creature.

Don't do it. Just stop enabling him and magically making the problem vanish. He will just think you are a nagging bitch so let him see the full force of his actions and what you have been doing for him all these years. If the kids see it so what, that might be the bit that makes him change for the better.

Let him come home and fix his pissy bed by himself. You get the sofa.

wets the bed??? being drunk is no excuse for that!!!! it is disgusting!!! i would have dragged him out of bed to clean it up and strip the bed!!

Off topic, but why?

It was just a funny thought we would have the same bed/mattress after 20 years (

Why would it be funny to still have the same bed & mattress? (If no-one was pissing on it).

The weeing is clearly not acceptable but far worse is his lack of embarrassment, responsibility & apology. If such a thing were to happen me, I'd be beyond mortified.

It's not about frequency. It's about his attitude & sense of entitlement.

Just because he doesn't do it often doesn't mean it's OK!

My DH got himself this wasted twice. Didn't pee on me put puked on himself and in the bed! If he EVER did it again he would be shown the door.

I'd be telling your DH to sleep somewhere else tonight. I hope you took some super embarrassing photos!

I will see what state he is in when he gets back.

I just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable waking him up to clean up-believe me, I am angry. And no, this cannot happen again. But I can't fix everything, get a new mattress, have a talk with him, let him clean it up all at once. If I am letting him deal with it, I will have to wait until he gets home.

Why does he only work part time? Does he do the housework the rest of the time?

Sounds like he is a lazy, entitled dickhead.

I wouldnt keep the same mattress for 20 years anyway tbf. The bed frame, I like a change and I am quite house proud (believe it or not!) so have often replaced bedroom furniture when we have decorated

PT because he was a SAHD for many years and has only recently started working again, this is what was available

He sounds pretty useless.