Hi!
It’s more about one issue, but this is clearly a bigger problem with attempt to control.
Me and and my partner are generally quite fair with each others rest / recreational times, however I find I’m being made a villain for wanting to go to gym twice a week at “his” time at home. (Sounds pretty controlling when he says that) we have 2 young kids.
Basically, I go to gym on Tuesday night for a class after kids have been fed, kitchen cleaned, partner has his dinner ready and often they are in pyjamas by the time I hand them over, which leaves him with getting them to bed or dressing them (depending on day), but there isn’t much for him to do. And that is “my “me time“ night “
He gets Monday night as his “me time” night, so I sort out kids all the way to bedtime, no chore sharing. Wednesdays He goes out to football quite late, so we sort the kids out together. Other nights we just share the responsibilities, and I don’t mind if he wants to meet someone in the evening for a drink or dinner, as long as it does not clash with my plans.
But tonight, after jointly sorting house / kids I said to him after dinner, that I will go to the gym once I put my youngest to sleep and eldest one is likely to stick around with him for a bit and watch cartoons and fall asleep(which he does often) and is hardly and issue when I’m at home and he stays with eldest next to him in the bed watching cartoons. There is not much effort required and He either is scrolling his phone or going to sleep. Therefore I can’t see an issue how my absence is going to be so difficult for him to manage his son.
He started getting very wound up, pointing out that no, you aren’t going, we talked about this thst you only go on Tuesday night and not allowed other time while I’m at home. Not weekends either! And I’m often skipping weekend visit to do things with my family, but it is nice to have some moment to myself, which is no longer than 1.5 hours anyway. However he does not notice that he often spends 3+ hours of weekend days either in the toilet or hiding away to rest and yet I can’t say anything. He seems to have such an irritation about the gym and think that having a break outside home more than once a week is inadequate. It means only 4 times a month is the most I can go.
But my tonight’s visit didn’t require him to do anything, he went to sleep about 20 minutes after I left, with my son next to him.
I started going there when I felt very anxious and self conscious about my physique. Since then I have improved my shake, mental well-being and it’s nice to go somewhere where I’m not labelled as a mother of two, just another person at the gym.