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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is being the other woman feminist act?

128 replies

BubbleNotPeak · 10/11/2023 20:04

You are being unreasonable - No

You are not being unreasonable - Yes

Can it be considered somewhat a feminist act in some way?

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 10/11/2023 23:15

If you are a women and you like voting and bodily autonomy, then you are a feminist.

Colluding with a man to deny another woman her right to informed consent is actively working against feminism.

Chickenkeev · 10/11/2023 23:21

LadyBird1973 · 10/11/2023 23:15

If you are a women and you like voting and bodily autonomy, then you are a feminist.

Colluding with a man to deny another woman her right to informed consent is actively working against feminism.

Well said 👍

user1473878824 · 10/11/2023 23:22

BubbleNotPeak · 10/11/2023 20:06

Like a woman being bold to behave how she likes without following societal rules and conventions?

Fucking people over isn’t being bold. Put your knickers on.

EatYourVegetables · 10/11/2023 23:36

Similar questions!

  1. Can robbing a bank be a feminist act?

  2. What about a supermarket? A corner store?

  3. Beating up some children on the street and taking their sweets?

  4. Is deliberately urinating on your own clothes / rugs feminist, because, like, fuck rules?

They’re all equally destructive/ self destructive/ pointless acts. No feminism in sight.

Chickenkeev · 10/11/2023 23:37

EatYourVegetables · 10/11/2023 23:36

Similar questions!

  1. Can robbing a bank be a feminist act?

  2. What about a supermarket? A corner store?

  3. Beating up some children on the street and taking their sweets?

  4. Is deliberately urinating on your own clothes / rugs feminist, because, like, fuck rules?

They’re all equally destructive/ self destructive/ pointless acts. No feminism in sight.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wolvesart · 10/11/2023 23:39

No not a feminist act. However, when folk go on about men and ‘inevitable’ cheating they often totally miss that it takes 2 to tango

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 10/11/2023 23:50

@BubbleNotPeak Are you coming back or are you too busy being a feminist with your friend's husband?

Fionaville · 10/11/2023 23:53

If feminism means shitting all over another woman and potentially ruining her life. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't.

Chickenkeev · 10/11/2023 23:53

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 10/11/2023 23:50

@BubbleNotPeak Are you coming back or are you too busy being a feminist with your friend's husband?

Indeed. What's the actual point of the thread like? Muppet.

RedToothBrush · 10/11/2023 23:55

It's something a shithead would do.

How is chasing after [an unavailable] man a feminist act?

PattyDuckface · 10/11/2023 23:57

is waging war a pacifist act?

mondaytosunday · 11/11/2023 00:55

No.

jeaux90 · 11/11/2023 08:48

No. Centering yourself isn't feminism.
Centering any man isn't feminism.

This personal empowerment thing isn't feminism at all. It's bullshit liberal feminism...that sex work is work, that surrogacy is altruistic, porn is ok, being a stripper is liberating.

All these things centre men, they commodify our bodies.

You want some proper 2nd wave feminism go over to the FWR part of mumsnet.

freetheunicorn1 · 13/11/2023 06:56

OP still trying to justify sleeping with a married man to herself?!

IAmAnIdiot123 · 13/11/2023 07:12

Ooh yeah I shag all my mates husbands because I am a true feminist. Its even better when they had kids too because I am really bold.

1dayatatime · 13/11/2023 07:25

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 10/11/2023 23:50

@BubbleNotPeak Are you coming back or are you too busy being a feminist with your friend's husband?

To be honest there seems to be a lot of threads like this at the moment:

"AIBU to think [insert something highly controversial or batshit or even better both]?"

The OP never responds beyond the first post or maybe one early follow up and is not genuinely interested in any answers or debate or information or views but simply to generate traffic.

It's pointless and turns people off MN.

Circularargument · 13/11/2023 08:44

DoktorPeppa · 10/11/2023 20:28

You're a woman but not a feminist? Eh?

Show quote history

Quite. The Patriarchy has persuaded her it's not her enemy. You can fool some of the people all of the time.

namechangelalala · 13/11/2023 08:46

I can see me now..in the Travelodge in Doncaster with paunchy married Clive from sales, taking it for the team, bringing the patriarchy to its knees. Go sisters!)

😆😆😆

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/11/2023 08:46

What a crock. No, your behaviour isn’t justified whatever you like to tell yourself.

Hopefulatlunchtime · 13/11/2023 08:51

No.

Holding women responsible for men’s sexual behaviour is misogyny.

But being an OW is not feminist.

Feminism is the collective action of women towards liberation from patriarchy. Being a OW does not fit under that definition. Holding men solely responsible for their sexual behaviour does.

Sayitaintso33 · 13/11/2023 09:13

If you see monogamy, or even marriage, as creations of the Patriarchy then being the other woman would be a feminist act unless you took the view that some creations of the Patriarchy serve women well.

A

Creepy2023 · 13/11/2023 09:16

BubbleNotPeak · 10/11/2023 20:06

Like a woman being bold to behave how she likes without following societal rules and conventions?

No, that's just being self-absorbed.

Likewise, stealing from a shop etc is not 'a feminist act.'

5128gap · 13/11/2023 10:09

Sayitaintso33 · 13/11/2023 09:13

If you see monogamy, or even marriage, as creations of the Patriarchy then being the other woman would be a feminist act unless you took the view that some creations of the Patriarchy serve women well.

A

How? By being the OW to a married man, the person you are 'liberating' from the patriarchal chains of monogamy is a man. In a situation where a man has two women he is the beneficiary of the arrangement. How does that align with feminist principles? If you were suggesting that feminists went around openly refusing to accept the restrictions of marriage, and being up front with wives that they would sleep with their husband if they wished, explaining that by destroying the bonds of the marriage you were freeing the wife from a patriarchal institution; then I could see that there may be a shred of (misplaced, high handed) rationale. But affairs are not a transparent protest. They are a hidden means for a man to access two women at once with the 'imprisoned' women quite unaware of the actions taken by the feminist to 'free' her.

Sayitaintso33 · 13/11/2023 13:02

5128gap · 13/11/2023 10:09

How? By being the OW to a married man, the person you are 'liberating' from the patriarchal chains of monogamy is a man. In a situation where a man has two women he is the beneficiary of the arrangement. How does that align with feminist principles? If you were suggesting that feminists went around openly refusing to accept the restrictions of marriage, and being up front with wives that they would sleep with their husband if they wished, explaining that by destroying the bonds of the marriage you were freeing the wife from a patriarchal institution; then I could see that there may be a shred of (misplaced, high handed) rationale. But affairs are not a transparent protest. They are a hidden means for a man to access two women at once with the 'imprisoned' women quite unaware of the actions taken by the feminist to 'free' her.

Show quote history

Exactly. You have just perfectly illustrated how the Patriarchy protected women.

5128gap · 13/11/2023 13:08

I'm sorry, could you elaborate @Sayitaintso33?