Is being the other woman feminist act?

[BubbleNotPeak]

You are being unreasonable - No

You are not being unreasonable - Yes

Can it be considered somewhat a feminist act in some way?

I think it's fairly simple:

The fault in an affair lies with the husband/person who made the vows.

This (in my opinion) does not excuse anyone from judgement as OW. Or at the very least, does not make them 'a feminist'.

Sheesh

In my experience, people who get into a situation where they are the 'other woman' are low in self confidence and self worth. It has never seemed like a 'feminist act' in my experience, really more the opposite, as it's usually down to a man messing around and disrespecting multiple women.

You can vote on your own thread.

Yabu

Even third wave requires/expects consent for sex acts. The other partner(s) didn't consent to being cheated on so... nope.

You can make a case that marriage is a patriarchal institution and that men and women should not be bound to one another contractually or restricted sexually. I am not a particular fan of marriage in my own life, but I absolutely respect the right of others to practice it and a commitment between a man and a woman to remain faithful is one that should be respected.

However, even if you reject marriage as an institution, having an affair with the husband/partner of someone who believes she is in an exclusive relationship with that man is participating in a deceit which is damaging another woman.

That is not something I could square with any interpretation of feminism.

Like sorry, still organising my thoughts, but since when is feminism screwing other women? Someone please explain that to me.

I have no clue how to vote. I agree with everyone. The " sheesh" comment under my quoted post is nothing less than a bit stupid.

Discuss. There is no absolute in this. All OW are bad is mental and reductive .

OW is also awful as a turn or phrase. They are just women , trying to be happy.

If you're referring to me, i have to say, i can't see how anyone would appreciate the OW stuff. It happens, it's really not feminist imo. You are literally shagging someone elses husband, how on earth is that in any way feminist? Where is the sisterhood in that? I understand it happens, but it's got nothing to do with feminism at all whatsoever.

@sofasofa42

They are just women , trying to be happy.

Just to unpack that a bit... They may be "trying to be happy", but their attempt to be happy comes in the knowledge that their happiness is at direct cost to another woman who is being actively deceived. And possibly with the potential for a large amount of emotional damage to that woman's children and wider network.

Saying someone is "trying to be happy" is the ultimate get-out-of-jail free card: it's like arguing that a bloke drinking himself stupid in the pub every night because he doesn't like his wife is "trying to be happy". "Trying to be happy" doesn't absolve you of responsibility to consider if your needs are at direct odds with someone else's.

Anyway the question in the thread wasn't about the moral rectitude of being an OW, it was about whether being an OW was a feminist act. As far as I can see you're arguing that it is a feminist act purely because it's unconventional. Feminism is about advancing the progress of women as a class. Doing anything that actively damages the wellbeing of another woman can't in my book be feminist.

No, that is just behaving like an utter arsehole.

Generally, actions and behaviour that intentionally centre men aren't inherently feminist. Also, describing women in reference to a man ("the other woman", "side piece", etc.) is typically problematic from a feminist perspective. (I appreciate that a woman may be having an affair with another woman whose regular partner is also a woman, but that is not the majority of extramarital affairs).

Shitting on and causing harm to other women is not a feminist act

I think marriage is fundamentally a patriarchal institution. But I don’t see how shagging one married man is a political act designed to overturn the institution of marriage. Surely you’d have to shag all of them. Who has time for that?

But it is a societal convention? The whole trope of the other woman, the home wrecker etc, is an accepted norm in our society.

In any event, not ever choice a feminist makes is a feminist choice .

I basically agree with you about marriage, but it's the deceit isn't it?

It's one thing to decide you don't want to participate in the institution of marriage yourself.

But deciding you don't want to be married doesn't give you the permission to blow up someone else's marriage. If a man has made a commitment to remain sexually/emotionally faithful to his wife, you don't get to take it upon yourself to unilaterally overturn that. Not your shout.

No, its called being scum

'Taking' a man from his wife doesn't quite hit the target anyway if the aim is to reject the notion of one person being the property of another, given it has never been the man regarded as property. A better strategy would be to have an affair with a married woman if that's what you're trying to achieve.

I agree about the deceit. I can’t see how having sex with a married man would be a feminist act. Particularly because blowing up someone else’s marriage puts the wife at risk of poverty (because women typically earn less than men and divorced/separated men often don’t support their children adequately), and that seems distinctly unfeminist to me.

This is very true.

A true feminist would reject the notion of wanting the man in the first place and would also prioritise the needs of the woman in the marriage over the whims of the man.

I don't know much but I would say it's the very opposite of being a feminist

@GrumpyOldCrone

Particularly because blowing up someone else’s marriage puts the wife at risk of poverty (because women typically earn less than men and divorced/separated men often don’t support their children adequately), and that seems distinctly unfeminist to me.

Absolutely. Again this is straying into stereotypes about the OW which I instinctively want to avoid... but it's undoubtedly the case that an affair involving a higher-earning man is likely to have damaging financial consequences for that man's wife. Anyone woman who is putting another woman's financial security in jeopardy to get sex or love validation is most definitely not a feminist.

Gross. So someone actually thinks being a horrible person is feminist? 🙄

Enabling some bellend to have his cake and eat it. Yeah go girl.

No it's not. It's simply being a twat. Nothing "feminist" about it.