Please can I have your opinion on this domestic

[Plikujyhtg]

Parent A
Parent B
DS (7)

DS 7 had a friend come round to play after school. Unbeknownst to Parent A and B, friend had gone into the parents' bedroom and jumped up and down on the parents' bed. DS didn't stop the friend, although insists he didn't join in.

When friend went home, Parent A was annoyed that DS didn't stop friend from entering his parents' bedroom and jumping on the bed. Parent A told DS that they couldn't watch the football on the TV that evening. DS was upset and cried for 5 mins. Then was fine.

The above is just some background context for the following:

Half an hour later: Parent A and Parent B are upstairs with DS and getting him ready for bed. Everybody's mood is fine.

Just before getting into bed, Parent A plays a game with DS. Parent A won't play the game the way DS wants them to. DS gets upset. Parent A refuses to back down.
Parent B intervenes to calm DS down. DS calms down and says he wants to watch football. Parent A says that no he can't due to earlier events with friend. DS gets upset and starts crying. Parent B tries to calm DS and regulate his emotions before bedtime. DS is still upset and whining. Parent A says "I'm going to kick off in 30 seconds if you don't stop. Do you want me to kick off?"

Parent B is aware that Parent A's kicking off means shouting loudly and getting angry. Parent B says "ok guys let's tone it down".

Parent A is now angry with Parent B for undermining them and left the bedroom annoyed.

Is Parent A justified to be angry with Parent B?

How is jumping on the bed such a big deal?
He's 7 and caved in to a minor bit of peer pressure.
I'd be having a chat about how it happened and a gentle reminder to please follow the house rules about A&B's bedroom or come and get A or B for support in a similar situation. Even the football was a sanction too far.

Parent A needs to get a room in a place without anyone in in it
not acceptable

It's because people know parent B is the OP and they just want to stick the boot in

Sometimes when you read about a disagreement between a couple the big question is whether this is a typical situation that occurs in your household. Is Parent B always trying to mediate between Parent A and the child. If parent A is always harsh and volatile it makes Parent B’s job way harder.
As parents it’s best to present a unified approach, however if one parent is consistently too harsh then what does the other parent do? I think most would become the ‘safe’ parent.

United front is important, but not to the detriment of the child. A doesn't get to threaten. B was right not to back a threat against a child.

The original punishment was also unwarranted. DS don't let Jimmy in our bedroom, if he does it again come and tell me or he won't come to play in future. That's enough.

I don’t think Parent A sounds like a bully. DS was told he couldn’t watch one game of football and threw a tantrum before bed because he didn’t like being told no. Parent B prolonged it by pandering to him and Parent A got fed up. No one handled the situation correctly but I don’t think anyone comes across as bullying or abusive.

Both parents in the wrong

badly handled all around

Parent A has many issues to address and needs to learn how to self regulate their emotions and contril their temper.

Child is not responsible for the behaviour and actions of his friend. You clearly need to keep a better eye on them.

You all made a huge deal out of nothing. A quick word and it would've been dealt with. It wasn't DS job to monitor his friend, it was the parents fault. The punishment was too harsh. Parent A sounds like a bully.

That's not how joint parenting should work

Parent B should not undermine infront of child but definitely make parent A aware they are being an arsehole after the incident and let them know they don't want them to deal with the child like that again

Parent B hasn't really done anything except try and calm everyone down? Why are they pushing buttons? That is parent A surely. Read it again

Disagree. If one parent is becoming abusive towards the child then the other parent needs to step in immediately. Making threats and giving arbitrary and unfair punishment is terrible parenting and absolutely should be undermined.

Agree with this

Parent A was also whining and crying when they didn't get their way. I wonder where the child learns that behaviour???

Parents As kicking off is shouting loudly and getting angry.

I’ve never threatened to kick off or got angry/shouted loudly because my 7yo was upset.

Absolutely agree.

I think Parent B was a bloody saint to only say "OK, let's all tone things down a bit" after they had just witnessed the other parent threaten to "kick off" at their 7 year old child.

Astonished that anyone is backing Parent A. I really thought this was cut and dried. Talking to a child and threatening to "kick off" if a young child doesn't behave is awful parenting. Parent A left Parent B no choice but to intervene and try and reduce the heat.

And that's even without taking into account the excessive punishment for the child's friend jumping on the bed.

Poor kid. Doesn't sound like a fun place to grow up.

As far as I see it. Parent A was concerned that at least Parent B was going to undermine the consequence of the previous behaviour by giving in to the child's temper tantrum. Unless we know what PB said to calm the child down we don't know if this is a justification for them getting angry or not.

This. Parent A threatening to kick off. Would lay large amounts of money Parent A is the DF…

Really surprised to see people criticise parent B who’s trying to deescalate a situation in which a parent has threatened their child with behaviour that the child knows from experience is scary. That’s downright abusive behaviour. People who jumped straight to criticise the other parent have totally missed that. Unbelievable.

It crossed a boundary that PA and possibly PB don't like, but we don't know. It's good to teach your children to respect other people's boundaries even if it not an issue for you personally.

Why does it take two parents to put one 7 yr old to bed?

(slightly missing the point)

Me too. I'm afraid if the other parent starts actively threatening their child, I would absolutely intervene. The 'dont undermine the other parent' stuff really doesn't apply when one parent is behaving in an abusive or aggressive manner.

It depends on whether PB was actually de-escalating or not, as it appears the threat of behaviour was after PB spoke to the child, which appeared to make PA more angry.

I agree with others that using your temper to threaten a child is bad behaviour. But it could be that PA was signalling that they were getting angry and unhappy and didn't have a mature way of doing that. PB could tell them to leave in the future (because this will happen again).

However, the above example clearly misses a lot of context as to why everyone behaves this way. It could be this is a blip and everyone is a bit more stressed than normal.

How was Parent B undermining, really? Based on the information we've been given, in any case. Undermining would be if they'd been like "oh, mean old Dad! Of course you can watch the football" - not "ok guys calm down"

So both parents dropped the ball in checking on what the kids were Upto upstairs, no one heard any of the jumping or anything and now they're both taking their frustrations out on the kid.
No need to punish the child here, all you needed to do is to tell them both that your room was out of bounds or remind your child once friend had left.

DS got upset and then tried to renegotiate watching the football. That's cheeky.

The phrase "kick off" is a bit rough but I definitely try to warn my kids when they're pushing me too far/ I'm sick of repeating myself.

I'd say parent b is in the wrong for undermining A,
But it could be possible that A has anger management issues or something - impossible to tell from op.