Please can I have your opinion on this domestic

[Plikujyhtg]

Parent A
Parent B
DS (7)

DS 7 had a friend come round to play after school. Unbeknownst to Parent A and B, friend had gone into the parents' bedroom and jumped up and down on the parents' bed. DS didn't stop the friend, although insists he didn't join in.

When friend went home, Parent A was annoyed that DS didn't stop friend from entering his parents' bedroom and jumping on the bed. Parent A told DS that they couldn't watch the football on the TV that evening. DS was upset and cried for 5 mins. Then was fine.

The above is just some background context for the following:

Half an hour later: Parent A and Parent B are upstairs with DS and getting him ready for bed. Everybody's mood is fine.

Just before getting into bed, Parent A plays a game with DS. Parent A won't play the game the way DS wants them to. DS gets upset. Parent A refuses to back down.
Parent B intervenes to calm DS down. DS calms down and says he wants to watch football. Parent A says that no he can't due to earlier events with friend. DS gets upset and starts crying. Parent B tries to calm DS and regulate his emotions before bedtime. DS is still upset and whining. Parent A says "I'm going to kick off in 30 seconds if you don't stop. Do you want me to kick off?"

Parent B is aware that Parent A's kicking off means shouting loudly and getting angry. Parent B says "ok guys let's tone it down".

Parent A is now angry with Parent B for undermining them and left the bedroom annoyed.

Is Parent A justified to be angry with Parent B?

A and B are in the wrong. A taking football away, the child is 7 ffs. B undermining A in front of DS.

You spoke like you were parenting them both. Definitely feeling superior. Either confront parent A properly or pipe down.

Threatening to kick off at a 7 year old totally unacceptable and not ok. I’m with parent B to some extent, although the punishment over a kid jumping on your bed I don’t understand, very OTT. Feels like A is very controlling and household is miserable because of it.

Parent A is a bully, being threatened is not good for any child. Your poor son

Anyone threating my child would have a huge problem

*threatening

Anyone threatening to “kick off” at my small child would get one warning, then be gone.

No, parent B's behaviour was perfectly reasonable if that was the actual words used, though I suspect the tone may have given the impression of being superior to Parent A which isn't a great thing to do in front of child. Parent A slightly unreasonable to give that punishment for a minor thing their friend did, and very unreasonable to threaten to kick off.

Both bad here.
You need to present a united front to your child. If you do have differing opinions you need to discuss them away from your child
Everyone in this situation sounds overtired and wound up.
Parent A was not regulating their own emotions well and was certainly not regulating the child's. Patent B is working against parent A further confusing the child and disregulating them, and also exacerbating parent As frustration.

Parent B is only being unreasonable for not protecting their child by kicking parent A out. OP, your DS doesn't feel safe and protected in his own home, hence is easily upset and crying. I am very angry with parent A

I've only read about the bed jumping bit -
'Parent A told DS that they couldn't watch the football on the TV that evening. DS was upset and cried for 5 mins.'

That's disgusting. It's the parents job to supervise and neither child would have been able to go into the parents bedroom if the lazy arse parent or parents had actually bothered to see what the children were doing.

What a horrible way to treat a 7 year old for your own lack of responsibility.

The 7 year old should have told his friend not to jump on his parent's bed, assuming he knew they wouldn't want him to. So he is not innocent.

But stopping him watching football on TV seems over the top and in no way related to the 'offence'. Unless this has often been repeated, he just needed to be told not to let it happen again.

Parent A is abusive. Refusing to play the game the way his son wanted, insisting on an OTT consequence and threatening to 'kick off' is immature and intimidating.

B is in an impossible situation, witnessing poor parenting and seeing her son get upset. Yes openly undermining would not be acceptable, but colluding or agreeing with A is also impossible.

So calming the situation is the way to go - the undermining is not directly obvious since B didn't say DS could watch TV or that he wasn't in the wrong to let his friend in the bedroom. So the only was A was undermined was in B not wanting A to act / speak as harshly as he was.
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Your DC’s father sounds like he has a problem with losing his temper. Your DC is 7. His father should be the grown-up rather than threatening to ‘kick off’. Therefore you’re not in the wrong to intervene (mildly) to stop that happening.

If you regularly find yourself intervening like this, consider if this is a healthy situation. Act accordingly.

I've now read this bit.

'Just before getting into bed, Parent A plays a game with DS. Parent A won't play the game the way DS wants them to. DS gets upset. Parent A refuses to back down.'

Why would you play a game at bedtime when the child will be tired? Parent A is just asking for problems. Bedtime is quiet time and winding down not winding up.

Parent a is a cunt. I wouldn’t have been so harsh on the actual child jumping on the bed. As for his friend jumping on the bed, it’s up to the parents to supervise, not another 7yo

I've read it all now.

Parent A is clueless and sways between being unpleasant to being downright nasty and has too high expectations of a young child. No wonder the child is easily upset and nervous about telling parents when his friend misbehaved.

Parent B sounds like a bit of a wet wipe.

Parent A &/or parent B should have been supervising the children and not expecting a 7 year old to manage the behaviour of another 7 year old child from school. It feels unfair that DS was punished for this however both parents are clearly not on the same page in how they manage DS behaviour in the home, therefore not consistent with one another and undermining each other/overcompensating for how the other parent has acted. Equally parent A did not need to threaten to kick off at DS who was already in a heightened state of emotion and is a 7 year old child. I think parent B sounds like they were trying to diffuse the situation however can see why parent A feels undermined (I’m not condoning the threatening comment by parent A)

It looks like Parent A, would of made the situation worse and no improvement, Parent B had the better point of keeping the peace.

I don't really understand why this has become such a drama. It sounds like an everyday tale of kids being a bit naughty, parents disciplining them, parents' patience being worn at bedtime... Surely we all have moments when we say things like "I'm going to get cross/lose my temper in a minute", "kick off" isn't a phrase I'd use, but to me this sounds like a fairly ordinary, if sub-optimal, slice of family life. Why do parents A and B need Mumsnet to adjudicate on this fairly petty incident? That seems like the bigger issue.

Parent A sounds horrible. I wouldn't have made such a big thing about the jumping on the bed, it isn't ideal, but no major issue. There was no need to then not allow the football etc really.

Parent A threatening the 'kicking off' is just grim.

Why didn't one of the parents stop the kid or their son fetch them to stop it?

Times change I know but I would have been horrified if a friend had gone into my parents room.

Unless the bed was broken, this whole thing is ridiculous.
As previously mentioned, it should have been a conversation about not going in parents' bedroom. If that conversation hadn't happened before friend came round, how would a 7 year know they'd done anything wrong?

I've been known to say "I'm going to lose it in a minute if you carry on"... I think most of us have been guilty of saying something outside of the parenting manual, doesn't make parent 1 an arsehole.

Parent 2 did undermine parent 1 and should have said something to parent 1 afterwards but again not everyone is perfect.

I think you should all let it go.

All seems a bit OTT. I’d have told DS he isn’t to let his friends into the bedroom again (though to be honest I’m not precious about my room as everyone goes in to see the dog who is often asleep on my bed).

You both sound like fairly ordinary parents to me OP. Both doing your best to balance giving your DS time and attention, while also trying to set boundaries with consequences. Neither of you were text book perfect, but nor did either of you do anything terrible in the context of a secure child/parent relationship where DS knows he's loved. So give each other a break.
If I had to criticise, I'd say that doing everything as a two hander is overkill. Probably more attention than DS needs at bedtime, and a bit overwhelming. Particularly if he picks up how you can be played off against each other. A car only needs one driver, so take turns.

Imagine being a 7yo child and a grown up man, who is supposed to protect you, is threatening to 'kick off' which you already know the meaning of. Being 'undermined' should be the least of that a*sehole's problems.