Please can I have your opinion on this domestic

[Plikujyhtg]

Parent A
Parent B
DS (7)

DS 7 had a friend come round to play after school. Unbeknownst to Parent A and B, friend had gone into the parents' bedroom and jumped up and down on the parents' bed. DS didn't stop the friend, although insists he didn't join in.

When friend went home, Parent A was annoyed that DS didn't stop friend from entering his parents' bedroom and jumping on the bed. Parent A told DS that they couldn't watch the football on the TV that evening. DS was upset and cried for 5 mins. Then was fine.

The above is just some background context for the following:

Half an hour later: Parent A and Parent B are upstairs with DS and getting him ready for bed. Everybody's mood is fine.

Just before getting into bed, Parent A plays a game with DS. Parent A won't play the game the way DS wants them to. DS gets upset. Parent A refuses to back down.
Parent B intervenes to calm DS down. DS calms down and says he wants to watch football. Parent A says that no he can't due to earlier events with friend. DS gets upset and starts crying. Parent B tries to calm DS and regulate his emotions before bedtime. DS is still upset and whining. Parent A says "I'm going to kick off in 30 seconds if you don't stop. Do you want me to kick off?"

Parent B is aware that Parent A's kicking off means shouting loudly and getting angry. Parent B says "ok guys let's tone it down".

Parent A is now angry with Parent B for undermining them and left the bedroom annoyed.

Is Parent A justified to be angry with Parent B?

Parent A is a bully. Does Parent B often find him/herself having to intervene when Parent B is about to "kick off"? Because it sounds ominous to me 🚩🚩🚩

Are you Parent B by any chance? 🤣🙄

Me too

I also don't understand why a punishment is needed for their friend jumping on the bed, even if they had tried to say no to their friend they might not have listened. Would be a complete non event in my house. Even if I thought they had done something wrong (jumping on a bed? Who cares?) I would have explained that next time please make sure it doesn't happen again. Parent A sounds like a bully tbh honest. It must be really exhausting having to co-parent with that. Threatening to 'kick off' at a 7 year old? Basically making them scared to express any emotions. Just completely unacceptable.

Parent A is an authoritarian bully, and should take some parenting classes.

I mean 🤮 all round at this, but imagine being the adult man saying to his kids ‘I remember when I was a kid, my friend jumped on my parents’ bed one afternoon and my parents punished me by stopping me watching football’.

both damaging to be blamed for someone else’s behaviour, but also so utterly joyless.

Parent B has enforced no discipline and is partly to blame for their child thinking this behaviour is acceptable.

child is definitely in the wrong.

Parent A seems undermined by B a lot.

Me too. It seems clear that A acts like an arsehole and B is desperately trying to bring some normality into their lives.
A is actually immature and aggressive and should learn how to be a better parent and partner.

I do think it's fair enough that, by the age of 7, a child should learn to take some responsibility for what their guests get up to. OK, there are some little guests who will wreak havoc no matter what, but by and large they will take their cues from their young host. I clearly remember being a child with misbehaving guests that I couldn't handle, and my father explaining to me "They will take their cue from you". That was a lightbulb moment. I realised I had been so eager to please my guests that I had basically encouraged them to ride roughshod over the house, without realising that I had a choice in this. It was quite empowering!

This evening my child did something really annoying that was totally avoidable.

My DH (his dad) over reacted and I said ‘don’t over react - it’s our fault not his’ and he said ‘sorry you’re right’ and that was that.

Because our relationship and parenting isn’t toxic. In our house no one is scared of anyone else.

Sorry but the child sounds a bit bratty and struggles with being disciplined. Parent A sounds like they don’t know how to handle the child and Parent B is too passive and only jumps in to undermine Parent A’s efforts.

Shitty behaviour all round I think.

What behaviour though, being too scared to stop a friend jumping on a bed or wanting their parent to play a game there way.

either way doesn’t matter, kicking off and punitive punishments are not good parenting - A expects the child to behave in certain ways but doesn’t show the sane behaviour and make allowances

why should B stand around and let A kick off - A needs to control his temper kicking off is never on

Parent A sounds insufferable - talk about an overreaction!

You (Parent B) sound well-intentioned but a tad patronising, sorry.

A sounds fucking awful and would need to change quick or I'd divorce him.

B is trying to protect her child, and didn't do anything wrong.

No wonder DS wines and cries to get his own way if parent B panders to him. I’d be proper annoyed if I was parent A. Kick off is a poor choice of words, but I don’t think parent A was being unreasonable.

Sounds like the 7 year old is the most mature one of the 3!

WTF is the matter with the pair of you?

And btw, if you're children have friends over to play, it is good practice to at least have some clue as to where they are and what they're doing.

I genuinely don't understand the griping at parent B.

Yes, in the majority of situations both parents should stick together and present a united front.

However, in this situation threatening to 'kick off' at a child (and the OP says that means screaming and shouting) is not acceptable, you should absolutely teach your children that you have their back and bad behaviour is not tolerated from adult or child.

I don't agree with the punishment, the child is 7 years old, they are not in control of another 7 year old. You should have said that in future you don't want visitors in your room and left it at that.

Being totally uncompromising in the way you play a game with a 7 year old is also bad, it's just teaching the kid bad behaviour, I just can't understand that.

To me it sounds like B is frustrated at the way things are being handled because of course they were going to escalate, A has upset the kid by being totally uncompromising and then made the whole situation worse by threatening to kick off.

No one is perfect but A really does need to take a look at their behaviour and remember that their child is 7.

The problem with the Parent A types is they kick off regardless.

Don’t want to be undermined in front of the children, but they’re never happy about being questioned or contradicted in private either.

If “not being undermined” is the limit of emotional capacity, what words can OP use to get it really clear that “How fucking dare you pull the “don’t undermine me” card to make me complicit in your shit parenting, you absolute prick?”

Except we know the answer is “Submit to my will”

Parent A says "I'm going to kick off in 30 seconds if you don't stop. Do you want me to kick off?"

Parent A aka your DH/DW sounds like a vile bully!

Who TF says they’re going to kick off!
That’s literally what kids say!

The entire thing is a bit messed up.

His friend was jumping on the bed, he should have been told to not let that happen again.
He didn’t need to be punished for it.

He should not have been playing a game before bed.

This poor child is stuck in the middle of a bully and 2 parents with poor parenting skills.

Parent A sounds really horrible and not stable enough to be around children. They deserve to be undermined.

It always seems to be abusive parents (usually men) who cried “undermined” at every turn. Parent B did nothing wrong - in fact that were a bit to slow to undermine A’s bullying for my liking.

Depriving of something that means a lot to them - if football is a passion of DS’s - is waaaaay too harsh in the first place for not stopping a friend doing something - especially something as “oh well” as jumping on a bed. How are they supposed to have power over their friend?

Making a child cry then kicking off because they are crying is really abusive.

I genuinely don't understand the griping at parent B.

Probably just because the whole "parent A, parent B" when it's immediately obvious which the OP is is irritating and unnecessary 🤷🏽‍♀️

Your DP sounds awful OP, nobody should be managing a 7 year old's feelings by threatening to kick off. That's a really unhealthy dynamic.

I hate these A & B scenarios. Names are so much easier to follow.

BUT the big offender is shaming the child for jumping on a bed. Wtf?

The phrase, pick your battles comes to mind.

You both need to take a long hard look at your parenting. Or start saving now for your child's therapy.

Parent B did undermine A, and quite rightly as A was being a shit parent bullying a 7 year old.

Parent a and parent b should start saving for all the therapy ds 7 will need!
What has watching football got to do with a kid jumping on a bed- that punishment doesn't make sense and is really petty.
Parent sounds like a sad little man child!