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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to take DH and DD to visit my family on Christmas Day?

61 replies

Sophie2525 · 08/11/2023 23:35

Myself, DH and DD who is 2 live very local to my family and I feel it’s nice to pop to see them on Christmas Day for a couple of hours. However DH wants to stay home all day. His family aren’t local but if they were I definitely think he would want to pop in.

He gets on very well with my family, they have a good laugh, so it’s not them, it’s just he wants to stay home.

DD loves to see her family and definitely doesn’t like staying in all day.

AIBU for wanting to pop round for a few hours?

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 08/11/2023 23:37

If they're local, can they come to you? I much prefer staying home on Christmas Day especially now DS is more interested in presents!

Screamingabdabz · 08/11/2023 23:42

I think the fact that you’re commandeering the preferences of a 2 year old into your argument you know you’re not being reasonable. You’re being selfish. But it’s a benign selfishness that will result in something good for everyone so I’m saying YABU in principle but the outcome, if you get your way, will be fine and probably lovely so no biggie.

Ponderingwindow · 08/11/2023 23:45

I really don’t think you can fairly argue that your 2yo prefers going out.

it’s not crazy to want to spend some time with family at Christmas. Compromising is normal. Neither of you is right or wrong. You are just going to have to negotiate in good faith.

HeddaGarbled · 09/11/2023 00:11

I’m with your H. I love Christmas Day at home doing our own thing. I wouldn’t leave a family member on their own but if they’ve got company, I’d be fine to see them on Boxing Day.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2023 00:14

I think a two-year-old needs a walk and some fresh air every day if possible. For that reason alone, I would take her round there.

TeaAndTattoos · 09/11/2023 00:15

YANBU I have very fond memories of going to see my grandparents on Christmas Day and they were local to us we always had Christmas dinner altogether and we always went to see my nan on Boxing Day. Take her round to see them I’m sure your parents would love to spend some time with her on Christmas Day and you will all have a lovely day.

DarkForces · 09/11/2023 00:17

I'd just pop around with dd and leave dh at home if he'd prefer that.

saraclara · 09/11/2023 00:18

Isn't it fairly normal to see parents on Christmas Day if they're local? In fact I'd have thought it was fairly normal to spend much of the day together, or for Christmas dinner, anyway.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 09/11/2023 00:21

If you are just planning to visit and not spend all day there, it doesn’t matter what DH says or wants. You can go and visit at a time that doesn’t entirely disrupt your day without him. You can decide if your DD is up to going at the time. If it’s just the three of you for Christmas Day (assuming you are the one doing all the food prep) have lunch then go see your family in the afternoon.

HeddaGarbled · 09/11/2023 00:23

Isn't it fairly normal to see parents on Christmas Day if they're local? In fact I'd have thought it was fairly normal to spend much of the day together, or for Christmas dinner, anyway

Absolutely, it is. And it’s how Christmas is portrayed in the media. But that doesn’t mean it’s compulsory if you’d prefer to do it differently.

Gymnopedie · 09/11/2023 00:35

OP in the space of your first post you've gone from 'a couple' of hours to 'a few' hours. I'd be thinking that DH maybe suspects that if he agrees now it will have morphed into the whole day by the time it gets to the 25th.

sandyhappypeople · 09/11/2023 00:45

We've got a two year old and I can't imagine not wanting to see family on christmas day. If it helps, a lot of people make boxing day their 'day off' where they don't have to go anywhere, have anyone round or see anyone as they're too tapped out from xmas day, and want some family time to themselves, could you suggest that?

Or just leave him at home for a couple of hours, and go yourself and DD. He's not being unreasonable to want to stay home, but he's being unreasonable to make you both stay home with him if you don't want to, a compromise is needed somewhere!

Sugarfree23 · 09/11/2023 00:52

Why not invite family to yours for a couple of hours?

I don't think it's fair for you to take DD to your parents leaving DH home alone. As suggested above.
If one half of a couple turned up at mine on Christmas day I'd think their relationship was on the rocks (excluding work / illness reasons)

TomatoSandwiches · 09/11/2023 00:57

Why can't you pop round with DD by yourself?

pizzaHeart · 09/11/2023 00:59

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2023 00:14

I think a two-year-old needs a walk and some fresh air every day if possible. For that reason alone, I would take her round there.

This^
of course 2 years old would enthusiastically respond to idea of a walk or visit to Granny.

My DH would think it’s a great idea. He could enjoy being a guest or stay at home and have TV and snacks all for himself. He would probably choose the latter.

mrsfollowill · 09/11/2023 01:18

We lived within 10 mins drive of both sets of grandparents- sadly only 1 still alive these days . In the early days we were up to 6am every day when DS was a toddler so used to go and see DH's mum and dad at around 10am every Christmas day. Only stayed for a couple of hours but all enjoyed it. Kept this up til lockdown 2020
They always went to DH's sister for Xmas lunch.
DH and I come home and then go to my mum- DF died 20yrs ago - we now take Christmas to her house - we live very near so walk round- I cook dinner for 4/5pm- DH and I clean up as mum is pretty frail and we leave her in peace around 9.30 pm and totter home for a few more drinks. I will add we had around 15 yrs where we stayed in but mum walked rounds to us.
DS is 22 now but still joins in. I would take DD and your miserable bastard of a husband can please himself!

Anderson2018 · 09/11/2023 21:21

I get where your husbands coming from, I like to stay home at Christmas, plus remember your daughter will have new toys to keep her busy all day. I think it’s a shame to take them out away from all their presents. My mum and dad come over and see my kids rather than us going out

Birch101 · 09/11/2023 21:33

I get on and like my inlaws but somedays I'd rather it was just the three of us.... or even just me! So I'd say ask if he wants some space then your happy to take dd round later in the day so he can relax or if he just wants to cozy up with you guys then see them on Christmas Eve or Boxing day?

Sugarfree23 · 09/11/2023 21:37

@Anderson2018 thats my thoughts too, seems mean to give kids a load of new toys they've been excited about for weeks only to be dragged off to Grannies.

Shinyandnew1 · 09/11/2023 21:42

Just take your daughter and go to visit your family for an hour or two without him then.

margotrose · 09/11/2023 21:42

I think you should invite them to yours or go with DD on your own. DH can stay home on his own if he prefers to.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 09/11/2023 21:57

DH can stay home on his own if he prefers to.

Perhaps DH doesn't want to stay home on his own. Perhaps he wants to spend the day at home with his family.

How many days in the year are there when there isn't stuff to do indoors or you don't have to be out and about doing something, and you can just laze around at home together?

'A few hours' is quite a big chunk out of the day.

underneaththeash · 09/11/2023 22:00

Sophie2525 · 08/11/2023 23:35

Myself, DH and DD who is 2 live very local to my family and I feel it’s nice to pop to see them on Christmas Day for a couple of hours. However DH wants to stay home all day. His family aren’t local but if they were I definitely think he would want to pop in.

He gets on very well with my family, they have a good laugh, so it’s not them, it’s just he wants to stay home.

DD loves to see her family and definitely doesn’t like staying in all day.

AIBU for wanting to pop round for a few hours?

You alternate. One year his choice one year yours.

margotrose · 09/11/2023 22:26

Perhaps DH doesn't want to stay home on his own. Perhaps he wants to spend the day at home with his family.

He can do that on any other weekend day of the year then 🤷‍♀️

Sugarfree23 · 09/11/2023 22:29

Op could visit her family at any point too.