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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to take DH and DD to visit my family on Christmas Day?

61 replies

Sophie2525 · 08/11/2023 23:35

Myself, DH and DD who is 2 live very local to my family and I feel it’s nice to pop to see them on Christmas Day for a couple of hours. However DH wants to stay home all day. His family aren’t local but if they were I definitely think he would want to pop in.

He gets on very well with my family, they have a good laugh, so it’s not them, it’s just he wants to stay home.

DD loves to see her family and definitely doesn’t like staying in all day.

AIBU for wanting to pop round for a few hours?

OP posts:
margotrose · 09/11/2023 22:40

Sugarfree23 · 09/11/2023 22:29

Op could visit her family at any point too.

I think it's pretty normal to want to see your family on Christmas Day, isn't it?

If DH doesn't want to go out, they can come to stay with OP for a few hours.

Nelly91 · 09/11/2023 22:45

Defo go out!

Sugarfree23 · 09/11/2023 22:57

margotrose · 09/11/2023 22:40

I think it's pretty normal to want to see your family on Christmas Day, isn't it?

If DH doesn't want to go out, they can come to stay with OP for a few hours.

Show quote history

Some people want to go out, some would rather a Christmas at home.

There are plenty on here who'd love a Christmas with just their own wee family. If it was the other way round and she wanted to stay home and chill with her LO but DH wanted to take LO to ILs he'd be getting slated for it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/11/2023 23:06

Can you take your Dd on your own for a bit? Maybe whilst you DH makes lunch 😀

margotrose · 10/11/2023 06:06

If it was the other way round and she wanted to stay home and chill with her LO but DH wanted to take LO to ILs he'd be getting slated for it.

I don't think he would be. People would say to let them go while she had a bath or enjoyed some much needed peace and quiet and a glass of wine!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/11/2023 06:15

I hated everybody being dragged round to the MILs for hours. Hated it, but after doing it once, it became the 'normal', so was expected every single year without fail.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 10/11/2023 06:21

Deffo leave him on his own. Miserable bugger. He can start the dinner whilst his son gets to see his grandparents.

saraclara · 10/11/2023 06:32

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/11/2023 06:15

I hated everybody being dragged round to the MILs for hours. Hated it, but after doing it once, it became the 'normal', so was expected every single year without fail.

Did you invite your MIL to come to you so you didn't have to 'drag' anyone to her?

I wonder how some of you will feel when you're spending Christmas alone while you're "very local" son or daughter and their family don't bother even popping in with your grandchild and your present, because their partner doesn't want to.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/11/2023 06:40

saraclara · 10/11/2023 06:32

Did you invite your MIL to come to you so you didn't have to 'drag' anyone to her?

I wonder how some of you will feel when you're spending Christmas alone while you're "very local" son or daughter and their family don't bother even popping in with your grandchild and your present, because their partner doesn't want to.

Show quote history

Why would she have been interested in leaving her dogs, husband, huge house and daughter to travel to a small flat up five flights of stairs, sit there for four hours and then go home again (and then have to cook their Christmas dinner)?

Velvian · 10/11/2023 06:49

If you always go to your parents @Sophie2525 , this year you should try staying at home.

You can always go Boxing Day.

Mrsjayy · 10/11/2023 06:55

I'd just pop round with your Dd for an hour or so in the morning the toddler can burn off some of her excited energy, if he doesn't want to go that's up to him really.

Bookworm1111 · 10/11/2023 06:56

margotrose · 09/11/2023 22:26

Perhaps DH doesn't want to stay home on his own. Perhaps he wants to spend the day at home with his family.

He can do that on any other weekend day of the year then 🤷‍♀️

Why does OP's family trump his?

TruffleShuffles · 10/11/2023 06:57

You might find your 2 year old really doesn’t want to go once she sees all the new toys she has to play with. We always went round to grandparents on Christmas morning but put a stop last year when DD turned 4 as she was upset the previous year about leaving all her toys. They now are invited round to us on the morning and it’s up to them if they want to come:

Bournetilly · 10/11/2023 06:58

YABU for expecting your DH to go when he doesn’t want to. Just take your DD alone.

Nosleepforthismum · 10/11/2023 07:04

Absolutely go. With my own two year old I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck indoors all day. Move the chaos to someone else’s house for a bit Grin

Mrsjayy · 10/11/2023 07:07

Nosleepforthismum · 10/11/2023 07:04

Absolutely go. With my own two year old I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck indoors all day. Move the chaos to someone else’s house for a bit Grin

I mean this, she will be high as a kite and overwhelmed let her go nuts at granny and grandads house 😃

BMrs · 10/11/2023 07:10

I agree some 2 year olds need to get out every day. Can you compromise and just got for an hour and leave DH at home?

FallingAutumnLeaf · 10/11/2023 07:10

Do you ever see DHs family over Christmas? That needs to be facilitated as well. Not every year, due to distance, but it needs to be able to happen.

We have a 3 way rotation. My family, DHs family (who often arrange to be elsewhere, so we don't see them), and a year to ourselves. But both families involve travel and nights away.

StrangeBrewlook · 10/11/2023 07:17

Why can't you pop round without him

NorthStarRising · 10/11/2023 07:18

My family are tight-knit, but we all have our own family Christmas traditions and choices that have evolved over the years. We range from Catholic to atheist and our 24 strong group range from 2-87. Some go all out, some are minimalist. Some like a brisk 5+ mile walk on Boxing Day, whatever the weather.
The key to having a good Christmas is to use your words and actually talk to each other, so that no one is made to do something they actively dislike, but some may have to compromise a bit. And no huffing, grumping and flouncing.
So he’s not a mean grump if he doesn’t want to spend time at his in-laws, but you may choose to go, he then needs to deal with the fact that he’s on his own for a bit.
Work it out, with luck you’ll have a lot more family Christmases ahead.
We all start Christmas stuff on 1st December, it runs to 1st January so there’s lots of time to pack in all sorts of activities.

gotomomo · 10/11/2023 07:22

I couldn't imagine not spending Christmas with family unless it's not feasible (eg I lived 4800 miles away so cost was prohibitive) we do 24-27th even now and the kids are grown, step kids come too!

margotrose · 10/11/2023 07:31

Why does OP's family trump his?

Who said they did? Confused

OP even says he'd want to see his family
If they were local.

Bookworm1111 · 10/11/2023 07:55

margotrose · 10/11/2023 07:31

Why does OP's family trump his?

Who said they did? Confused

OP even says he'd want to see his family
If they were local.

Sorry, I misread the post! I saw it as the DH wanting to spend the day with his family as in his parents, siblings etc. Blame early hour scrolling!

MILLYmo0se · 10/11/2023 07:55

What exactly are you proposing though? A couple of hours in the morning and home for lunch at yours? A couple of hours in the afternoon and home for dinner? Heading over after lunch and staying till DCs bedtime? 'a few hours' can mean v different things to 2 people.

Zanatdy · 10/11/2023 07:59

Can they come to you? Given you’ve got a little one? If not I don’t see why you can’t just go on your own. I personally prefer to stay home on Christmas Day too. But I don’t have family local so I’m either with them (usually) or I don’t leave the house apart from a few dog walks

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