It’s a nativity one I’m sorry

[Toarrie]

Please be kind with me I have a rather upset DC, year 1.
So DC has been talking about nativity all week and how they have a minor speaking part. Turns out that part has now been given to another boy, DC was told and told they will just be part of the chorus. Children were apparently asked what they wanted to do (sounds chaotic with a number of changes) and DC specifically said they wanted a speaking part and teacher said they would get them one. Cue one very upset child.
now I understand not everyone can have a part but why ask and then promise parts to 5/6 year olds if they can’t deliver?
DC is gutted that they will be sat on a bench at the very back behind all of the children that have parts.
should I flag to teacher that child is upset? I don’t want to be that parent (and in no way am I expecting them to now have a part) but also I don’t want me/DC to come across as push overs?

I think that the whole point of these godawful school performances is to teach resilience and how to manage disappointment. I swear it’s a curriculum thing.

The best part is the donkey because it can be acted funny.

Our youngest came home from Kindergarten in a mood, she apparently had the role of the donkey because 'Your Daddy's very good at making heads and he has all that lovely card from school'!

Interesting, I did say to DH that I thought the teacher would want to know if a child went home crying. But maybe not all teachers do, it sounds as though some people think I will just come across as over bearing.
actually DC is pretty understanding about not getting but has strong feelings about fairness. Thank you for your input.

But you can support him as his mum! I'm not sure what clarifying the situation over a very minor event is going to do? My point is, not everything can be or needs to reasoned..sometimes life just isn't fair, sometimes good people get bad things and vice versa. I think its an important life lesson, thats all?

Always amazed that some schools do this. Ours always has a nativity with a lot of good "parts". M& J are usually less speaking but a lot of time on stage.

There are usually a few singing and dancing roles to ensure a chance to shine for a) kids who do not want to speak b) kids who literally can't speak c) kids who enjoy dancing and singing

Some speaking roles have a bit more to say than others but its based on what the kids want - some would like a small speaking part but don't want the pressure of learning more lines, some kids want a bit more. They usually play around with it to ensure its fair and kids get what they are comfortable with

Most schools will ask who wants to do a speaking part and then choose from those kids/pick the names out of a hat.

It’s likely your son is confused.
He may have thought that by saying he wants a line, meant he’d definitely have one.
But that’s not usually the case.

You could always let the teacher know if there is a line going that DS would love to do it but chances are there are a few children who don’t have line’s because there’s not enough to go around.

Because if she knows that the part was never his, she can explain to him about not expecting things just because he wants them. If the part was his and taken away from him, I think he has every right to know why.

I'm wondering whether what actually happened was that the teacher asked who would be happy to be considered for speaking parts on stage, and who would prefer not to be (as obviously there will be some kids who actually hate the idea of having to speak in front of a big audience). And perhaps your son was one of the ones who put his hand up and she said 'OK, we'll put you on the list' or something and your son thought that meant he'd got the part and didn't realise that she just meant he was one of the group happy to be considered. He's still very little and confusion like that does tend to arise at that age. So I think you just need to clarify with the teacher (in a non-accusatory way!) to establish what's happened.

Once you know the full story you'll have a better idea of what to say to your son and how to make him feel better and manage his disappointment. Obviously he'll need to understand that he can't expect to be chosen for everything he wants - but it actually sounds as if he's not making a fuss just because he didn't get a part, but because he thought he had been given a part and then was he told he hadn't. If he'd known from the start that he'd be in the chorus he'd probably have taken that on the chin, but because he'd believed otherwise he now feels like he's had something taken away unfairly. So it might be more of a case of explaining that there was a misunderstanding, understanding his disappointment but reassuring him that he hasn't done anything wrong and that the allocation of parts didn't have anything to do with him not being good enough. And obviously I'm sure you've told him you're super proud of him whether he's acting, singing or anything else.

I have to say, though, that although I realise not every single kid can have a speaking part, I do think they could do more to make sure that all the kids at least have something to do on stage at some point. My own memories of school plays is that our teachers included things some crowd scenes where a group of kids would be playing bystanders or would sing a song on stage with some terrible musical accompaniment or something! Eg I remember we definitely had a nativity scene which involved Mary and Joseph making their way through Bethlehem and there being kids milling about dressed as people selling bread or vegetables or something (I believe my one line was to shout 'Flowers for the lady?" while waving some tissue-paper bouquets at Joseph and the inn-keeper and his wife had a group of kids standing/sitting behind him pretending to drink tankards of beer and stuff.

i think you are entirely right. He is most likely confused but I do genuinely believe he thought he had a part as he had been talking about it at home before. So I suppose I’m his mind it has been taken away. He had maybe not realised it was only putting his name forward. So yes he will be feeling sad about that more than if he always knew he wouldn’t be on stage.

As a former early primary teacher, I'm another one saying I would absolutely want to know if one of my pupils was confused and upset by something that's supposed to be fun.

Ignore the people assuming you'll be a bother and the teacher will hate you 🙄

Go in and explain just what you've said here, he's upset and you want to help him understand so can the teacher explain what happened to you so you can help him manage his feelings about it.

I've had parents come in with exactly this kind of thing before and it's often very easily cleared up- sometimes we explain why something happened the way it did; sometimes we can adjust things because it's a simple mistake. That's much better than festering and causing anxiety. People here are saying it's a little thing- it is to us- but not to a five year old and EY/KS1 teachers should understand that.

My radar for 'those parents' is off the charts, and you really don't seem like one to me! I would genuinely want to know if a child in my class was upset about the show as I would want to make it right for them so it was a happy and positive experience. It's all about how you approach it, and you seem like a calm and rational human to me! Not sure why this person is giving you such a hard time when they aren't a teacher. Yes, 'those parents' suck, but this isn't one of those situations! I would say something, I really would :)

Also, to the poster who said they should be reading their own scripts?! Ludicrous!! Such ableist talk!! Some of my best actors are children who aren't reading fluently yet, they are able to learn by rote very successfully!

Not quite the same as you OP but a bit similar. Last year my DS class were told that there were parts with “lots of lines” , a few lines” and “no lines” and they could volunteer for whichever type they wanted to do. DS volunteered for “lots of lines” but got “a few lines” in the end and was upset, and even went through the script counting how many lines each child had. I was only able to console him by convincing him that the words he was speaking were quite tricky ones so even though the quantity was less, they needed someone super smart to deliver those particular lines. I think I got away with it.

However I have no idea how you can talk up “sitting offstage in the chorus”, especially when it sounds like the [child thinks that] the teacher has promised more. In your shoes I might well have a quiet word (next term) about the emotional reaction and how to avoid similar in future.