Page 3 | It’s a nativity one I’m sorry

Toarrie · 2023-11-08T19:31:24+00:00

Please be kind with me I have a rather upset DC, year 1. So DC has been talking about nativity all week and how they have a minor speaking part. Turns out that part has now been given to another boy, DC was told and told they will just be part of the chorus. Children were apparently asked what they wanted to do (sounds chaotic with a number of changes) and DC specifically said they wanted a speaking part and teacher said they would get them one. Cue one very upset child. now I understand not everyone can have a part but why ask and then promise parts to 5/6 year olds if they can’t deliver? DC is gutted that they will be sat on a bench at the very back behind all of the children that have parts. should I flag to teacher that child is upset? I don’t want to be that parent (and in no way am I expecting them to now have a part) but also I don’t want me/DC to come across as push overs?

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:16

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:10

I think you have misunderstood my post. Dc thought they had a part and said that teacher told them they would have and then told me it was given to another child and so is upset. I was asking for advice on whether I should let the teacher know the child is upset to understand what has happen. I am not expecting them to be given the lead role or any part at this stage but I wondered if it was reasonable to approach the teacher to understand why DC is so upset.
I have lots of time and energy to provide support to my upset child, but I cannot do that full if I don’t understand what has happened. i don’t think my DC coming home crying is small

Show quote history

Do you really think that the teacher needs drama over the nativity? Do you not think it’s your job to help your kid understand it’s not always about him and he needs to understand his important singing role? Maybe when it came to it your kid didn’t have the confidence of the other child. You don’t know. You were not there. You are taking your kids version of events and going all playground mafia over it.

I completely understand your post, I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to you. He will probably forget about it in a few days and you’re obsessing because he isn’t the star you wanted him to be! You are never going to survive school if you feel the need to go running to the teacher everytime it doesn’t go your kids way. Perhaps you need a hobby or something else to use your time and energy on?

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 09/11/2023 08:24

Couldn't agree more @Nothanksthanksanyway

What does running up to the school with your drama teach your son, do parents actually behave that way... get yourself and hobby and your son into the local drama club.

PeaPenguin · 09/11/2023 08:25

Get your child to speak to the teacher. You say it is your child who is upset so teach them to speak up for themselves. Most 5 year olds are capable of going up to the teacher and saying please can I have a speaking role in the nativity? Especially if you practice with them beforehand.

Then the teacher will either be able to make a swap, or it is set in stone. Life isn't always fair and you move on.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:26

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:16

Do you really think that the teacher needs drama over the nativity? Do you not think it’s your job to help your kid understand it’s not always about him and he needs to understand his important singing role? Maybe when it came to it your kid didn’t have the confidence of the other child. You don’t know. You were not there. You are taking your kids version of events and going all playground mafia over it.

I completely understand your post, I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to you. He will probably forget about it in a few days and you’re obsessing because he isn’t the star you wanted him to be! You are never going to survive school if you feel the need to go running to the teacher everytime it doesn’t go your kids way. Perhaps you need a hobby or something else to use your time and energy on?

Show quote history

Well obviously you don’t understand my posts as I’ve said I don’t fully understand what has happened so wondered about asking the teacher as I know DC might have picked it up wrong. I just want to help DC understand to support them.
also I’m not going to lie to him about having an important singing role! I will help him understand things aren’t fair absolutely but I won’t lie!

OP posts:

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:29

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:26

Well obviously you don’t understand my posts as I’ve said I don’t fully understand what has happened so wondered about asking the teacher as I know DC might have picked it up wrong. I just want to help DC understand to support them.
also I’m not going to lie to him about having an important singing role! I will help him understand things aren’t fair absolutely but I won’t lie!

Show quote history

Oh man. Ok. But come early next year , when the teacher is completely fed up of the sight of you and your constant interference, you’ll understand!

And singing is important, just not good enough for you and your precious boy obviously 🤣.

HikingforScenery · 09/11/2023 08:34

it’s not a lie to tell him his singing role is important, because it is. Having the choir ready to sing means transition can happen smoothly. My favourite parts of the nativity are the songs.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:35

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:29

Oh man. Ok. But come early next year , when the teacher is completely fed up of the sight of you and your constant interference, you’ll understand!

And singing is important, just not good enough for you and your precious boy obviously 🤣.

Show quote history

Wow aren’t you kind. I don’t think checking if DC has misunderstood so I can support them one time is constant interference. I haven’t been in touch with the teacher before and I am unlikely to be in touch again. There have been plenty of things he hasn’t been picked for which I have not been in touch with the school about.
I actually don’t care if he has the one line he would like or is in the background in the chorus but he is upset and I want to support him.
in our school the chorus don’t get to go on the stage so it would be an absolute lie to say they are playing an important part and he would have unrealistic expectations

OP posts:

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:38

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:35

Wow aren’t you kind. I don’t think checking if DC has misunderstood so I can support them one time is constant interference. I haven’t been in touch with the teacher before and I am unlikely to be in touch again. There have been plenty of things he hasn’t been picked for which I have not been in touch with the school about.
I actually don’t care if he has the one line he would like or is in the background in the chorus but he is upset and I want to support him.
in our school the chorus don’t get to go on the stage so it would be an absolute lie to say they are playing an important part and he would have unrealistic expectations

Show quote history

I’m not unkind. I’m honest. All my best friends are primary teachers in foundation / year 1. You are the kind of parent that makes their lives a misery at a time that should be full of joy and fun, do you think they don’t already feel loads of pressure to please everyone? Do you not think they try their best to be fair? Do you not think they pick the kids they have the most confidence in for the speaking parts? I’m just trying to save you from yourself, but you obviously know better.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 09:05

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:38

I’m not unkind. I’m honest. All my best friends are primary teachers in foundation / year 1. You are the kind of parent that makes their lives a misery at a time that should be full of joy and fun, do you think they don’t already feel loads of pressure to please everyone? Do you not think they try their best to be fair? Do you not think they pick the kids they have the most confidence in for the speaking parts? I’m just trying to save you from yourself, but you obviously know better.

Show quote history

Yes I do think they try to be fair which is why I wanted to understand why my child thinks they had a part that was given to someone else.
I don’t want to be that parent though so I take your point.

OP posts:

whizzbangpopsplutter · 09/11/2023 10:50

Nativities should be inclusive at that age, not divide the children into "proper parts" and "chorus". It's not difficult to do. Our nursery do a lovely musical nativity which is basically children in groups (angels, shepherds, sheep, stars, innkeeper and family, kings, etc) with the story told by all the children singing a song about each group in turn. So every child gets to be on stage and have their own group's special moment (standing up and doing the actions together), without having to be divided into "important characters" and "chorus who don't even get to be on-stage". Or some primary schools do it in year groups - our primary has the youngest ones on stage with very minimal lines divided up between all the characters, and the older years as singing chorus.

Jules912 · 09/11/2023 10:58

Our school always picks scripts where everyone who wants a speaking part can have one. I don't know where they get them but they scale nicely so, for example, you could have one person do all the shepherds lines or 5 do a line each. I don't understand the chorus not being on stage, surely they can stand at the back or something. Ours those who don't want to speak are the sheep/townspeople etc and get to do a song and dance.

TVaddict23 · 09/11/2023 11:00

This brings back memories of having a none speaking part as a donkey every year 🤣. I wanted to be Mary so much but it wasn't meant to be.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 11:18

whizzbangpopsplutter · 09/11/2023 10:50

Nativities should be inclusive at that age, not divide the children into "proper parts" and "chorus". It's not difficult to do. Our nursery do a lovely musical nativity which is basically children in groups (angels, shepherds, sheep, stars, innkeeper and family, kings, etc) with the story told by all the children singing a song about each group in turn. So every child gets to be on stage and have their own group's special moment (standing up and doing the actions together), without having to be divided into "important characters" and "chorus who don't even get to be on-stage". Or some primary schools do it in year groups - our primary has the youngest ones on stage with very minimal lines divided up between all the characters, and the older years as singing chorus.

Yes I am sure they can be. I do think some children will happily be in the chorus and doubt that all of them want a line so I assumed that the teachers asking who wanted a line would mean those that did would get one.
sadly the stage is small so the chorus sit on benches at the side.
I am going to leave it anyway as I don’t want to be ‘that parent’. Although I’ve said to DC if he is still upset he can say to the teacher if anyone changes their mind he would like to do it.

OP posts:

Barbs775 · 09/11/2023 11:29

My child is also a door this year, but with no speaking part. I thought he was joking when he first told me, but no, he really is a door (and very happy about it!).

Catsarelikepringles · 09/11/2023 11:40

TVaddict23 · 09/11/2023 11:00

This brings back memories of having a none speaking part as a donkey every year 🤣. I wanted to be Mary so much but it wasn't meant to be.

DS is 16 now so a while past nativity stage but still complains he NEVER got to be the donkey lol. He was always Gabrielle (he was and is very petite and blonde think it was the only costume fitted him). My mum ended up buying him a donkey costume from Marksies he was so pleased he barely took it off for months.

Catza · 09/11/2023 11:44

It it's any consolation, my friends' kid once played a donkey in the nativity play, had no speaking part but stole the show with his antiques and face pulling. At one point, he ripped his tail out and wagged it in front of audience who were all dying from laughter. He is 16 now and we still crack every time we talk about it. He went on to become a performer.

Spirallingdownwards · 09/11/2023 11:52

Coming soon - sports day and why not everyone wins a medal!

Koalaslippers · 09/11/2023 11:53

I don't think asking for clarification from the teacher is being "that parent". If you were demanding that he was given a different role then yes.

Knowing what happened will help you explain to your child and also help him feel happy about the Nativity again.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 11:57

Koalaslippers · 09/11/2023 11:53

I don't think asking for clarification from the teacher is being "that parent". If you were demanding that he was given a different role then yes.

Knowing what happened will help you explain to your child and also help him feel happy about the Nativity again.

Koala I’m not sure if you read previous posts where I was very much told it is parents like me that make teachers lives a misery and that come the new year the teacher will be sick of the sight of me.
apparently we are supposed to accept that children come home from school crying and we are not allow to speak to the teacher about even just to clear it up for our children

OP posts:

Fernsoak · 09/11/2023 12:02

When my son was 4 and at pre school he was given a speaking part as one of the 3 kings and he was so happy

I then had a huge disagreement with the manager (she told me she was going to get his funding removed as he had been sick too much and that she thought i had munchausens and that it wasn’t true he was ill) she then emailed to tell me she was taking his part off him due to our ‘conversation’!

I withdrew him immediately. She started asking for the costume back so I blocked her

hazandduck · 09/11/2023 12:13

I was wondering how it’s decided, OP. One of the other parents put in a chat that my Dd was Mary. I had no idea, Dd didn’t seem to really know she just said they’d been practising for their Christmas show! Their daughter goes to stage school so I think they were maybe pushing for their kid to be Mary and that’s how they found out? God knows why they announced it before the letters have been sent home confirming!

I’m very proud of course but equally don’t know if my shy Dd is up to it (I’d never say that to her!) I just said as long as you’re comfortable doing it I’ll be happy. She is very much a quieter member of the class who I can’t see putting herself forward for that part so the only thing I can think is she is a confident reader for her age. DD is Grey band in RWI which I think is the equivalent of Gold in ORT? So a bit ahead not miles. She’s Year 1. I actually feel nervous for her 😣 And I think she and the teacher have clicked and get on well which is lovely!

I’ve gently tried to prepare her for maybe switching to another role in case in rehearsals she keeps freezing and said sometimes they swap people about and it’s totally normal to switch roles. DD was happy enough with that! Maybe you could try reframing it to be a more positive thing for your son? Like the teacher wants to see him shine in different places on stage?

I personally wouldn’t approach the teachers but I just don’t like getting involved with stuff like this tbh. It’ll all work out on the night as they say!

Lordofmyflies · 09/11/2023 12:15

Oh dear OP! I think 'pick your battles' springs to mind. You DS has barely started at school..there's going to be more disappointments, upsets, arguments than you can ever imagine about things you would never imagine. I would have a gentle talk to your son about how sometimes things have to change and how it can be disappointing but we move on.
If he's really showing an interest in acting, guide him towards theatre clubs - he'll be able to fulfil all his acting dreams there.

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 12:19

Lordofmyflies · 09/11/2023 12:15

Oh dear OP! I think 'pick your battles' springs to mind. You DS has barely started at school..there's going to be more disappointments, upsets, arguments than you can ever imagine about things you would never imagine. I would have a gentle talk to your son about how sometimes things have to change and how it can be disappointing but we move on.
If he's really showing an interest in acting, guide him towards theatre clubs - he'll be able to fulfil all his acting dreams there.

There is no battle. I want to do exactly as you have said, explain about this disappointment which is why I wondered about clarifying with the teacher as I suspect DC has misunderstood that he did in fact have the part.
He would have liked the chance to be on stage (and it is sad he won’t get that chance) but I am not trying to change things i just want to support him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Toarrie · 09/11/2023 12:21

hazandduck · 09/11/2023 12:13

I was wondering how it’s decided, OP. One of the other parents put in a chat that my Dd was Mary. I had no idea, Dd didn’t seem to really know she just said they’d been practising for their Christmas show! Their daughter goes to stage school so I think they were maybe pushing for their kid to be Mary and that’s how they found out? God knows why they announced it before the letters have been sent home confirming!

I’m very proud of course but equally don’t know if my shy Dd is up to it (I’d never say that to her!) I just said as long as you’re comfortable doing it I’ll be happy. She is very much a quieter member of the class who I can’t see putting herself forward for that part so the only thing I can think is she is a confident reader for her age. DD is Grey band in RWI which I think is the equivalent of Gold in ORT? So a bit ahead not miles. She’s Year 1. I actually feel nervous for her 😣 And I think she and the teacher have clicked and get on well which is lovely!

I’ve gently tried to prepare her for maybe switching to another role in case in rehearsals she keeps freezing and said sometimes they swap people about and it’s totally normal to switch roles. DD was happy enough with that! Maybe you could try reframing it to be a more positive thing for your son? Like the teacher wants to see him shine in different places on stage?

I personally wouldn’t approach the teachers but I just don’t like getting involved with stuff like this tbh. It’ll all work out on the night as they say!

Yes I would like to turn it in to a positive but I shall have to think of how to do it. He won’t be on the stage so it will need to be something else

OP posts:

Tomorrowiscoming · 09/11/2023 12:21

I'm a teacher and I would want to know if a child in my class was upset. I would add a line in. Also I'm that mum, I would absolutely go up to school and enquire in a general chat with teacher. I teach my children that they dont get everything etc but I also teach them to speak up if something is unfair. You need to know what happened.