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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a nativity one I’m sorry

87 replies

Toarrie · 08/11/2023 19:31

Please be kind with me I have a rather upset DC, year 1.
So DC has been talking about nativity all week and how they have a minor speaking part. Turns out that part has now been given to another boy, DC was told and told they will just be part of the chorus. Children were apparently asked what they wanted to do (sounds chaotic with a number of changes) and DC specifically said they wanted a speaking part and teacher said they would get them one. Cue one very upset child.
now I understand not everyone can have a part but why ask and then promise parts to 5/6 year olds if they can’t deliver?
DC is gutted that they will be sat on a bench at the very back behind all of the children that have parts.
should I flag to teacher that child is upset? I don’t want to be that parent (and in no way am I expecting them to now have a part) but also I don’t want me/DC to come across as push overs?

OP posts:
wafflingworrier · 08/11/2023 20:55

At my school we write down what parts and how many lines the children get each year to ensure the following year there is a change in terms of making sure each child gets a chance over their school life. But maybe check with the teacher what happened as this does sound like a misunderstanding from your child. As a teacher, the knly time I've ever taken away a child's part once given is upon the request of a parent or for the welfare of the child e.g. severe anxiety/stage fright/ family circumstances / bloody family holidays in term time

CatamaranViper · 08/11/2023 21:10

DHs nativity was a pirate version of the nativity so loads of the pirates had parrots ie repeating the lines.

Apparently was very funny (according to MIL)

Original poster
Toarrie · 08/11/2023 21:31

wafflingworrier · 08/11/2023 20:55

At my school we write down what parts and how many lines the children get each year to ensure the following year there is a change in terms of making sure each child gets a chance over their school life. But maybe check with the teacher what happened as this does sound like a misunderstanding from your child. As a teacher, the knly time I've ever taken away a child's part once given is upon the request of a parent or for the welfare of the child e.g. severe anxiety/stage fright/ family circumstances / bloody family holidays in term time

Yes I am hopeful it has been a misunderstanding on DC’s part. Although not ideal for DC thinking and telling me they had a part when they didn’t.
I can’t help but think it is a shame they weren’t given something though as they aren’t academic or sporty so I would have been a nice opportunity for a confidence boost.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toarrie · 08/11/2023 21:32

CatamaranViper · 08/11/2023 21:10

DHs nativity was a pirate version of the nativity so loads of the pirates had parrots ie repeating the lines.

Apparently was very funny (according to MIL)

Maybe I’ll get DC to do that from bench at the side 😂

OP posts:
fireworksmyass · 08/11/2023 21:33

LylaLee · 08/11/2023 20:01

My kid was a door one year. The line: no room in the inn.

🤣🤣🤣 sorry this made me laugh

Bbq1 · 08/11/2023 23:44

Ds was the donkey in the reception nativity, leading M&J to Bethlehem ans singing . He absolutely stole the show with his unintended comedic asides and funny acting. His role because legendary and the Nursery teacher used to mention it every year afterwards . On his last day in Year 6 one of the teachers commented on how there had never been such a fantastic donkey before or since. Ds had originally wanted to be Jesus until they explained it was possible. Any role van be made your own! I du agree that all children need ti be given axrole in Primary. Ds went on to be a cloud, shepherd, Narrator and singing in the choir. Children can always be singers on the stage to give everyone a role.

booksandbrooks · 08/11/2023 23:45

Our school tends to give 3 kids all the roles and has a 57 strong chorus. Even those kid's parents were mortified.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 08/11/2023 23:51

If he is not very academic then perhaps he couldn't read the script?
The main parts need to go to kids who can read the script and speak loudly and confidently and who can follow instructions.

CloudsNeverStayTheyAlwaysGoAway · 08/11/2023 23:59

User562377 · 08/11/2023 20:13

One year my kid was a sausage 😀
Luckily he was very excited about it because his teacher convinced him it was a very important part, even though he didn't have any lines. I guess a speaking sausage wasn't very realistic.

I love the idea of a speaking sausage and would loved to have seen that. That sounds a great part.

The best part is the donkey because it can be acted funny.

Screamingabdabz · 09/11/2023 00:06

Another idea op - do check what children’s activities are on at your local church - I’m sure they’d welcome you and would love to have your little one in their nativity play.

Gymnopedie · 09/11/2023 00:27

OP I think as long as you do it gently not all guns blazing you absolutely should clarify with the school what's happened. If DS has misunderstood you can explain to him. However if - it's a possibility - he really did have the part and then it's been taken away because a pushy parent demanded a speaking role for their child and the teacher has given in then that's when you too become a pushy parent because that would be absolutely shit on the school's part.

Rhayader · 09/11/2023 03:12

Our school nativity managed a line for every child. All 120 of them!

The play had a lot of narration and each kid that didn’t have a part was a narrator and they all sat in order and read their one line.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 09/11/2023 03:48

I hope the teacher gets a lot of questions from parents. Why on earth would you do a play with only a few roles and a huge class of kids. I would ask your ds if he wants to skip it.

Original poster
Toarrie · 09/11/2023 07:16

Bbq1 · 08/11/2023 23:44

Ds was the donkey in the reception nativity, leading M&J to Bethlehem ans singing . He absolutely stole the show with his unintended comedic asides and funny acting. His role because legendary and the Nursery teacher used to mention it every year afterwards . On his last day in Year 6 one of the teachers commented on how there had never been such a fantastic donkey before or since. Ds had originally wanted to be Jesus until they explained it was possible. Any role van be made your own! I du agree that all children need ti be given axrole in Primary. Ds went on to be a cloud, shepherd, Narrator and singing in the choir. Children can always be singers on the stage to give everyone a role.

I agree any role can be made their own. But sadly DC hasn’t been given a role, and the chorus don’t get to go on stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toarrie · 09/11/2023 07:18

Gymnopedie · 09/11/2023 00:27

OP I think as long as you do it gently not all guns blazing you absolutely should clarify with the school what's happened. If DS has misunderstood you can explain to him. However if - it's a possibility - he really did have the part and then it's been taken away because a pushy parent demanded a speaking role for their child and the teacher has given in then that's when you too become a pushy parent because that would be absolutely shit on the school's part.

Thanks. I will will get in touch with the teacher to understand what has happened. I am not expecting anything will change now, I just want to be able to explain to DC and manage their expectations (ie tell them they won’t get to be on stage)

OP posts:
Original poster
Toarrie · 09/11/2023 07:20

Screamingabdabz · 09/11/2023 00:06

Another idea op - do check what children’s activities are on at your local church - I’m sure they’d welcome you and would love to have your little one in their nativity play.

DH is very anti religion so I don’t think that would go down well. Personally I have wonderful memories of being in our local church nativity

OP posts:
Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 09/11/2023 07:23

When I was at primary school we did a production of Joseph and the amazing technicolour dream cost. I was a palm tree! I was the only person on stage for the whole play!

bussteward · 09/11/2023 07:56

Ds had originally wanted to be Jesus until they explained it was possible.
I was Jesus in my sister’s nativity but I was four months old… Shout-out to my parents for that but of cunning childcare that meant they could both watch the show, unencumbered by a baby.

Original poster
Toarrie · 09/11/2023 07:57

Highlyflavouredgravy · 08/11/2023 23:51

If he is not very academic then perhaps he couldn't read the script?
The main parts need to go to kids who can read the script and speak loudly and confidently and who can follow instructions.

He is fine at reading, not top set but second top, reading ORT level 6 definitely able to read and learn a line. Reasonably confident too.

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 09/11/2023 08:02

Sounds like there would be more confident readers, who would then get the part.
I would let it go tbh

Some children have be in the chorus. It’s en opportunity for DC to understand that sometimes you don’t get what you want

Ballsbaill · 09/11/2023 08:03

30+ years ago I was new to the school having just moved to the area. I'd been there since September and at Christmas I was given the lead role of Mary in the nativity. I was overjoyed and it made me feel welcome.

All the parents were furious as the new kid didn't deserve it and I got grief from other kids in the playground probably egged on by parents like you.

I was 6.

FFS it's a school play not the National Theatre.

30 kids in a class they can't all get what they want.

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:03

You are massively overthinking it. This is just one of life’s things your kid needs to get over and move on. I honestly don’t know where you find the time and energy in your life to be this bothered over something really, so small. ( it blows my mind you’d ever consider talking to the teacher!!!)

Tell him you’ll be there to see him singing his songs and you can’t wait and will be so proud and then forget about it!

Nineteendays · 09/11/2023 08:08

My ds was the elephant once. I think they ran out of nativity animals so went a bit zoo.

op I would email the teacher and explain that ds is very upset because he thinks he was given a part and then his part was given to someone else. Make sure to put in ‘ds thinks/feels’ so it’s not like youre accusing them of something that might not be the case. I would also ask if they wouldn’t mind clarifying to ds in class as he’s a bit confused.

Original poster
Toarrie · 09/11/2023 08:10

Nothanksthanksanyway · 09/11/2023 08:03

You are massively overthinking it. This is just one of life’s things your kid needs to get over and move on. I honestly don’t know where you find the time and energy in your life to be this bothered over something really, so small. ( it blows my mind you’d ever consider talking to the teacher!!!)

Tell him you’ll be there to see him singing his songs and you can’t wait and will be so proud and then forget about it!

I think you have misunderstood my post. Dc thought they had a part and said that teacher told them they would have and then told me it was given to another child and so is upset. I was asking for advice on whether I should let the teacher know the child is upset to understand what has happen. I am not expecting them to be given the lead role or any part at this stage but I wondered if it was reasonable to approach the teacher to understand why DC is so upset.
I have lots of time and energy to provide support to my upset child, but I cannot do that full if I don’t understand what has happened. i don’t think my DC coming home crying is small

OP posts:
Ballsbaill · 09/11/2023 08:11

Most children come home crying from school many times. This time it's because he hasn't got what he wanted. That's life.