To expect a friend of DS to come for dinner and not help himself in our fridge

[bouncy]

Ds friend came for dinner and said he was hungry and could he have a packet of crisps, I said no as dinner was 10 mins away (just like I would say to ds) he walked right past me and opened the fridge and said I will have one of these them and took a yoghurt, I said they are for after dinner and he just walked away with it, I told him to give it back but he looked at me and said NO I eating it

When his mum came to collect him I said about the fridge incident and she said in our house he is part of the family and he can decided when he is hungry and as the fridge is in his house he can help himself, I was very shocked and she said she has not heard of anyone who makes there children ask if they want something, infact tried to imply there was something wrong with me making my son ask if he can have something to eat.

The friend is 8 btw.

YANBU
At age 8 a child is used to having to wait(ie at school) and can understand that diferent rules apply in different households.
The boy and his mother are being very rude IMO. I think mother was probably very embarrased and felt she needed to justify her sons actions.

Even my 3 year old knows she can help herself to the fruitbowl at home , but asks at friends houses.

I sort of agree with her - my DCs can help themselves to certain food almost without restraint - fruit/cheese/yoghurt. But they would ask first usually. However there is always an embargo just before a meal time. And they know it - don't always like it but they tend to accept it grudgingly.

He was rude BTW. And regardless of the rules in his house, he should have been taught to respect yours when with you.

YANBU. Unbelievably rude and the mother...talk about defensive, my children have to ask if they want any food (they are only 3 and 4 though!)

YANBU. Very rude, fair enough in your own house, but it is rude to help yourself to someone else's fridge! Perhaps next time you are at his mum's help yourself to her fridge.

YANBU

Your house so your rules. It was ok for him to take it if he didn't understand the rules but to refuse to put it back is really rude. My neighbor when I was a child was allowed to take anything but her mother was always finding that she missed a vital componant to a meal and everyone would get shouted at.

oh poor you. How rude of both of them. She obviously thinks letting children do that is good. This leads to obesity in children because lets face it kids dont go to fridge and come back with fruit. Dont let it worry you. As long as your ds knows its not ok. You will be fine.

YANBU that is just rude IMO- made more so by the fact that you asked him to put it back and he said no
My 7 and 3 year old always ask before they take food, it is just common courtesy as far as I am concerned ESPECIALLY in someone elses house!

How rude!
I wouldn't invite him back until he learns some manners.

I think he was VERY rude.

I agree with the idea of in your own house, being able to snack on certain foods (fruit, yoghurt, etc) if you choose without needing permission - we do that here.

But that's in your own house. You do NOT go to someone else's house and help yourself to anything unless you have been told "help yourself to X, Y, Z if you get hungry."

So fair enough, he perhaps didn't understand that you don't do that in someone else's home (which is a failure by his parents to teach him how to behave, not his fault) But, when told no, to answer you back and refuse to obey you, well, I'd have hit the bloody roof! I'd have physically taken the item back off him and called his mother. I think his parents need to do some work on good manners.

You are sooooo NBU. Don't invite him back if he can't stick to the rules in your house.

Message withdrawn

Good Lord what an ill mannered brat.

I wouldn't invite him back. Helping himself is excusable but refusing to put it back when asked is not excusable.

Shockingly rude. This combined with the thread yesterday about the older children who refused to eat any lunch at a guests house really makes me wonder what the world is coming too!

Agree with Hecate. Rude brat. Don't invite him back. Hope she's not defending his (and her) behaviour around the playground, accusing you of being precious.

yanbu
very rude

YANBU. So does the mum think it would be ok for her to go round to someone's house and help herself to whatever she felt like? It is not acceptable and at 8 he should know better and definitely not talk back to an adult like that!

What a shockingly rude mother ! The boy seems to have no hope of learning any manners then...

I don't think it's wrong that a child can help themselves, I always hate the thought of my children asking if they can have food in their own home but I would expect better manners.

YANBU - so rude of both child and mother.
DSD has to ask if she wants something to eat, don't think YABU in that either. But even if you were, it's your house, so your rules apply.

What a rude child and rude mother I would have taken the yogurt away from him and put it in the bloody bin.

YANBU Very rude

I'd be mortified if my dc's behaved like that in somebody elses home

Can't believe the mothers attitude either

Whilst I agree with the other mum, to an extent, as to how things work in her house, this was your house!

At 8 the child is old enough to know that different rules apply when visiting other people.

I would be aghast if a child did this in my house and even more aghast if my DCs did it in anyone else's!

As far as the rudeness goes though, you can see where the child gets it from!

Actually, just re-read the OP and gasped again. This is beyond rude! And it is not about whether or not children should have to ask to have food from the fridge/cupboards in their own homes. This child was a guest in someone else's home, asked for food, was told 'no' (for perfectly valid reasons), blatantly disobeyed an adult (his host) and opened the fridge anyway, took something he fancied, was told 'no' again (for perfectly valid reasons again) and was outrageously rude again by saying "no, I'm eating it." What he may or may not be allowed to eat from the fridge at home is irrelevant. This is appalling behaviour, compounded by the mother defending it..... although her attitude probably explains the whole episode. I think he's being badly brought up - in that area, anyway.

yanbu. This is shockingly rude behaviour. I would have physically removed the yoghurt from him after he said "no I'm eating it".

Don't invite him back.