To expect a friend of DS to come for dinner and not help himself in our fridge

[bouncy]

Ds friend came for dinner and said he was hungry and could he have a packet of crisps, I said no as dinner was 10 mins away (just like I would say to ds) he walked right past me and opened the fridge and said I will have one of these them and took a yoghurt, I said they are for after dinner and he just walked away with it, I told him to give it back but he looked at me and said NO I eating it

When his mum came to collect him I said about the fridge incident and she said in our house he is part of the family and he can decided when he is hungry and as the fridge is in his house he can help himself, I was very shocked and she said she has not heard of anyone who makes there children ask if they want something, infact tried to imply there was something wrong with me making my son ask if he can have something to eat.

The friend is 8 btw.

YANBU and I'd have taken it out of his rude bratty little mitts as well (but I'm evil}

YANBU I think its rude,I wouldn't expect any of my kids friends to do it. Also the yogurts could have been for tommorows packed lunch or something, sometimes my kids ask if they can have something, and i have to say 'no there are only two left untill i go shopping and you can have them in your lunch box tommrow, you can have somthing else now'

So, judging from the response here, you're not alone in being . It's safe to bet, therefore, that other mums inviting him back might find the same attitude. In which case, this kid is going to run short of tea invitations pretty soon. Then, maybe his mum will get the message, if your chat with her wasn't enough.

what they do at home is fine, but the mother should have explained by now that different people have different rules and that he shouldn't do it in other people's houses

however children don't always 'get' that their house rules aren't universal, so I think you can just be firm and clearly tell him that in YOUR house, nobody goes in the fridge without asking, and that you don't allow snacks just before meals

I'm sure it isn't the first time that a visiting child has not instinctively known all your house rules without having them explained. I think his mother has made a mistake letting him think he can do this elsewhere, but you shouldn't necessarily hold this against him.

your house, your rules. End of. And would expect the child's mother to support you in that.

yanbu - this mum is out of order. Wouldn't invite again & steer clear.

Ooh and also I would have found it a bit middle class looking downy her 'part of the family speech' like kids who are encouraged to ask politely are treated like pets or street urchins or something.
My kids are 'part of the family' but I wouldn't be pleased if they were helping themselves to everything in the fridge willy nilly, we have a shopping budget for the week and some things might be needed for something else so asking first is neccisary, just the same as I can't scoff an entire block of cheese in one go if i so fancy if it is needed for cooking in the week.

You should count yourself extremely lucky......................................................you have just saved yourself from a friendship with a weirdy family

Yanbu

Completely agree with Cupsoftea. Very rude and totally unacceptable for a child to help themselves from the fridge or indeed anything they have not been told they may have.

That child's mother is not doing him any favours

YAdefNBU

Very rude of the boy and his mother.

My children ask me for things because I can't afford for them to stuff their greedy little fizzogs all day (which they would, esp DS2, and DS1 would just live on Babybels and any junk he can lay his hands on)

They know if it's a reasonable request (ie fruit) they won't be refused. However, I always say no if dinner is imminent because I am hard faced old harridan.

I would be very embarrassed if mine helped themselves at someone else's house.

V poor manners

Also, I was allowed to help myself to stuff as a child.

Conversely, I have always been overweight. I don't think it's a good thing at all

How very rude.

I would also be if a child did this. DS (6) asks for snacks, he always has done, so that's what he does at other people's houses. I think the worst thing is the mother trying to make you question the way you're raising your children by implying that children having manners is somehow taking away their human rights or something. Regardless of how he's treated at home, the child should realise that if he's told to put something back, he should do it.

Jury's out on the helping himself bit, my kids do it at home (yoghurt, fruit etc especially straight after school) but I would be a bit shocked if they did it at other people's houses, unless encouraged by their friends.

How was he not to know it wasnt you/r dh/dc packed lunch for tomorrow etc.

However YA definately NBU to be shocked by the back chat. I would be thinking twice about having him back in my home again.

Cant understand the attitude of the mother, although there are plenty of people out there who think other people's lives should revolve around their children. Watch out for a thread on "how dare my dc's friends mother discipline my child"

YANBU. Both the mother and her son were very rude,

beyond rude.yanbu

YANBU, your house your rules. my DS is not allowed to help himself to the fridge unless intructed e.g to get his own yoghurt if i'm busy. otherwise, he'd be scoffing all the goodies

Rude child, sounds as rude and obnoxious as his parent.

I tell my kids they have to let me know if they want something because they have no idea how long dinner will be and I don't want them eating too soon before dinner (unless they want fruit and then they can have as much as they like!) but it also helps to know that I won't be going to the cupboard the next day to make a packed lunch and everythings gone!! As for the friend and his mother that is absolutely disguting. It is your home and whatever happens in their home doesn't mean they can behave like that in someone else's home. The fact that his mother stuck up for his behaviour is appalling - so if they allow him to drink alcohol at 8 years old in their home would that mean he could open a bottle of wine at someone else's house or smoke or watch x-rated movies??? Behaviour at home should not be taken into someone else's home. If you visit someone you should abide by their rules. I wouldn't invite that child again and explain to your child the reason. It's simply not acceptable behaviour. I would be horrified if my child did that at someone else's home.