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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Embarrassing issue at new job

80 replies

snowyowl22 · 07/11/2023 21:59

NC for this but long term poster.

I've been in a new job for 2 weeks and I'm really enjoying the role. However there is an issue with the office space that I'm struggling with.

It's a small office, I think it might be a converted house, such is the layout of it. Very small rooms, not much in the way or corridor space and the only toilet is similar to a typical downstairs loo that you'd find in a home.

I suffer from IBS especially in the morning and I hate the toilet situation there. It's surrounded by offices and doesn't feel private at all! Im sure things can be heard and it's definitely obvious when someone has been in there a while as you can't help but see people go in due to the layout.

From someone who is used to big, anonymous toilet blocks in offices I just can't get used to this. Especially with my IBS. It's making me anxious which in turn is making my symptoms worse. It's mortifying having to use that loo.

There is another building that we can access and the toilets are a bit more private there but I can't keep finding excuses to go over there all the time with no reason or it will be look odd.

I'm actually wondering how I can carry on with this job because it's worrying me so much. But I really like the work and the people. Does anyone else have a work/toilet situation like this? What the hell did you do?!

OP posts:

MadameCamembert · 07/11/2023 22:01

Do you need an excuse? I probably wouldn’t notice you using the other buildings toilets.

You have my full sympathies - I completely understand the situation 😔

BethTalk2thehandpodcast · 07/11/2023 22:02

I worked with someone who had the same issue. You should speak to your manager there, that’s what my colleague did. There was no awkwardness, but there was a lot of understanding. I hope your manager is the same type of person that ours was ❤️

TruJay · 07/11/2023 22:02

I would confide in your boss and have an arrangement put in place where you use the more private toilet. Your disclosure should remain confidential.

My ds has access to a private toilet at school due to toileting issues because of his OCD.

Haydenn · 07/11/2023 22:02

I don’t know if it will make you feel better, but i think your own toilet issues are making you over notice things. I really don’t think most people will even clock how long someone has been in the loo. You need to be mindful of your own worries and perception. I certainly wouldn’t notice someone going to another block!

not helpful advice I’m afraid 💐

DrRichardWebber · 07/11/2023 22:03

I don’t have IBS but I also felt uncomfortable in a similar situation. Luckily the offices were in Soho so I used to go to the toilet in the local M&S. I appreciate that isn’t really a solution for you, but you have my sympathy.

Original poster

snowyowl22 · 07/11/2023 22:04

My new boss seems lovely but after such a short space of time I don't feel comfortable at all telling her something like this. It's all so embarrassing.

OP posts:

MrShady · 07/11/2023 22:05

I would just use the other toilets. I worked in a building which was a really weird layout and found some toilets I don't think anyone else knew was there. Lovely and private!
I do carry poo pourri in my bag but we have it in the toilets at work too now

Fionaville · 07/11/2023 22:16

I would definitely speak to your boss and go use the private toilets whenever you need to. It's a genuine reason and you shouldn't feel embarrassed.
As for embarrassing toilet related situations in work. I once wore the same pair of trousers for two days on the run. On the second day I looked across the busy office and saw my knickers on the floor! They must have been lodged in my trouser leg! I knew if anybody picked them up that it would be obvious that they were mine because I was the big girl in a room full of slim girls! I had to go and pick them up discreetly, while wondering who had clocked them and was watching to see who'd pick them up 🤣

divinededacende · 07/11/2023 22:17

Before the pandemic, one of our offices was a converted georgian townhouse. I was in the basement with 8 other people across 3 rooms. We had a small toilet, just a sink and a pan and it opened up right across from the office doors.

There were toilets on all floors but one a couple of floors up was down the end of a corridor that only had the toilet and a cleaning cupboard in that part of the building.

It wasn't unusual for someone to disssapear to the further away toilet when they needed a number 2 because some people just prefer a bit more distance between them and the nearest people when they do a big' ol' shit - and that wasnt even folk with specific conditions.

My point is, no one will bat an eyelid if you go skulking off to other toilets that are clearly more private. You probably won't be the only one. If anyone does comment, "I prefer a bit more privacy for some things" will answer the question without having to disclose any conditions. I guarantee people will get it. It's par for the course in old buildings converted to offices.

You day you like the people so I'm guessing they aren't twats which makes it even less likely you'll have issues.

StrawBeretMoose · 07/11/2023 22:18

I also have IBS, my worst nightmare was a training shadowing opportunity when I was younger where I didn’t have a pass so had to ask a member of permanent staff to borrow theirs every time I went to the loo. I hardly ate or drank on that placement as it was embarrassing having to ask every time and like you the worry of it made things worse.

I would just go to the other more private toilets when you need to. If there is any flexibility re starting times or breaks etc I might stop off at a shopping centre or similar if there is one nearby.
You won’t be the only person with IBS and if the manager is lovely I would just tell her them no one will be wondering where you are or stopping to see if you’re lost.
Also yes do carry a spray with you, the specific loo ones are small and discreet.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 07/11/2023 22:23

Be careful sharing embarrassing poo related anecdotes as some people do get off on this.

BeverleyMacker · 07/11/2023 22:25

I'd be totally honest re your IBS and explain you feel embarrassed using the toilets close by. I'm sure they would appreciate your honesty 😃

Notimeforaname · 07/11/2023 22:27

If you really dont want to bring it up with them, just carry on going to the other building and if your manager ever did bring that up and ask where you're going you can just say I have IBS and prefer to use those toilets.
Chances are she'll feel embarrassed for even asking that and you will carry on going where you want.

How would you feel/think if you managed or worked with someone who was worrying about this? You would not be bothered at. If anything, youd feel awful they were worrying in the first place!

Original poster

snowyowl22 · 07/11/2023 22:28

Fallenangelofthenorth · 07/11/2023 22:23

Be careful sharing embarrassing poo related anecdotes as some people do get off on this.

Really? Grow up. It's hard enough talking about these sort of issues in real life without some fool on MN insinuating you must be a poo troll because you've mentioned IBS ffs.

And where have I asked for embarrassing poo stories? I asked how people have coped with less than ideal office/toilet layouts!

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 07/11/2023 22:31

Be careful sharing embarrassing poo related anecdotes as some people do get off on this

OP I think this poster was saying someone else on here could get off on what you are saying. Not accusing you.

SoIRejoined · 07/11/2023 22:32

I don't think you need to say anything as you probably have other colleagues popping out to vape etc. I really doubt anyone will notice, unless you have a job where you have to be available all the time like a call centre.

jupitermonket · 07/11/2023 22:33

I promise you absolutely no one will notice or care how or where or when or how long you go to the toilet. If they even notice at all.

Just keep going to the other block in the other building where you feel more comfortable, and if you really feel like you need a justification you can drop into conversation that you are trying to get your daily 10,000 steps total in however you can, so you’ve decided to make yourself walk across the other building whenever you need a pee. Similarly, you can say (of you really feed you need to) that you need to clear your head and get some fresh air every hour or two at your desk, so you’re going for a brief wander. Then you go across to use the loo as required.

Once you’ve “justified” it to yourself like this, you might feel more comfortable. But honestly, people won’t notice or care!

I used to go all the way downstairs and to the other side of the building to do poos at work, because I hated the idea of crapping next to colleagues. Those were my excuses to myself, and should anyone ever have enquired, but of course they never did because no one gave a shit! (Pun intended…)

Soapyspuds · 07/11/2023 22:45

Are you worried about noise or smell? If the former can you lay some toilet roll down the bowl before you commence?

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 22:48

I would be using the other building toilets without making any excuse. If anyone is rude enough to ask, "I went to the toilets" will stop any further conversation.

I always go for the most private toilets as a matter of principle.

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 22:49

Oh come on, how self centred do you have to be to think people are taking any notice of what toilets you use

Bedofroses2 · 07/11/2023 22:50

Just keep using the other toilets - don't make an excuse, or say anything at all. You don't have to justify which toilets you use to anyone at all, or how long you spend at the toilet.
I can't imagine any scenario where I'd ask someone at work why they were using a specific toilet. And if they do, just say you prefer the other ones! We all have a desk, computer, mug, chair, parking space etc. we prefer to use at work!

Chardonnay73 · 07/11/2023 22:52

Imodium? To try and stave it off? Or make it a bit less catastrophic? I sympathise, it must be awful.

Jap26 · 07/11/2023 22:52

Communicate with your manager. I would be so upset as a manager to loose a good member of staff over an issue like this. Don't be embarrassed I'm sure a solution can be found, if it's easier perhaps send them an email?

Helenahandkart · 07/11/2023 22:54

If it was me I think I would discretely slope off to the other toilets in the other building. If at any point your boss asks you why you keep going to the other building you could then explain the reason. But I probably wouldn’t say anything now, I would wait until I was challenged about it.
I have been in the same situation and completely understand your embarrassment.

PastorCarrBonarra · 07/11/2023 22:55

Use the other ones and if anyone asks why (unlikely) I think the PP’s suggestion of 10k steps target for fitness reasons is a good one. Lots of people are incorporating steps into their daily lives at the moment using trackers so it won’t seem odd.

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