Embarrassing issue at new job

[snowyowl22]

NC for this but long term poster.

I've been in a new job for 2 weeks and I'm really enjoying the role. However there is an issue with the office space that I'm struggling with.

It's a small office, I think it might be a converted house, such is the layout of it. Very small rooms, not much in the way or corridor space and the only toilet is similar to a typical downstairs loo that you'd find in a home.

I suffer from IBS especially in the morning and I hate the toilet situation there. It's surrounded by offices and doesn't feel private at all! Im sure things can be heard and it's definitely obvious when someone has been in there a while as you can't help but see people go in due to the layout.

From someone who is used to big, anonymous toilet blocks in offices I just can't get used to this. Especially with my IBS. It's making me anxious which in turn is making my symptoms worse. It's mortifying having to use that loo.

There is another building that we can access and the toilets are a bit more private there but I can't keep finding excuses to go over there all the time with no reason or it will be look odd.

I'm actually wondering how I can carry on with this job because it's worrying me so much. But I really like the work and the people. Does anyone else have a work/toilet situation like this? What the hell did you do?!

I flush the toilet before hand if I have no other means to mask the noise.

As a manager, I would take someone making a request like this as just part of my job, I certainly wouldn't think it was something they should be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Be careful posting absolute nonsense as some people do get off on this.

If you can't speak to your manager about this can you email her? You don't have to go into details just that you have a medical condition and will need to use the toilets in the other building due to the location of the toilet in your building.

I have the same anxiety related to IBS and it gets really bad when there are people waiitng to use the toilet while I'm in there so one toilet in a workplace would have my anxiety rocketing!

I have ibs (-d) and although it can be embarrassing to bring up, it shouldn’t be- most people honestly don’t care about our toilet habits as much as we think. I do take Imodium before I go to the office, and it does help, but I sympathise as I know stressing about it only makes it worse

I have suffered with constant diarrhoea all my adult life and encountered awful office toilets. I used to nip out to the pub over the road, nip to the supermarket, spray perfume, I know every trick in the book to disguise it. One thing I wouldn’t do is talk to a manager or HR. Never! I’d be mortified. So I can understand your reluctance OP. I would use the other toilets when you can. The steps idea is great. Or nip out if you can. Is there a window in the loo? Always leave it open. If people ask why you’re not using the nearer loo say ‘oh it’s always freezing’ or ‘there was no loo roll in there this morning’. I know you are super conscious about it, but no one else will be noticing it.

If you were a manager, what would you think about this situation? Obviously you're not going to get over your embarrassment because some people on mumsnet tell you its unnecessary, but no half-decent person would look at you any differently for having a medical issue. It's so common that she probably knows others with the same. So decide whether it's more uncomfortable to use the other toilet without saying anything (and wondering if it's noticed), or to tell your manager "I have a medical issue so I need to use the more private toilets".

How far away are the other toilets in the other building? I don’t think you need to find excuses to use them, just use them and if anyone asks tell them you prefer those loos. It’s pretty normal to want a lot of privacy if you need the loo, you won’t be the only one to have this issue.

Did you mean ‘why would you assume random people that don’t know you would be nasty for the sake of it?’

Because you’ve just answered your own question. 🤗

Loud fart hack: hold your bum cheeks open. You get a pretty much silent release of air as opposed to the usual fanfare.

— a fellow ibd sufferer

I have IBS and I completely sympathise. I would be uncomfortable too. It's a medical condition so I would agree with speak to your manager about your needs.

I suffer with IBS and have done so a lot of my life since school along with anxiety (which makes it worse). I’ve also worked as a volunteer within an IBS charity so I’m familiar with a host of problems regarding IBS, both from experience and from learning about others. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this OP, whilst it’s hard to give advice based on what you’ve said as it’s not a whole lot and I don’t know you obviously. Personally, I can say when I don’t want people to know I’m going to the toilet, I’ll quickly say ‘just need to wash my hands’ or ‘just need to do a quick wee!’ (Less embarrassing in my opinion). I fully empathise with you though

@snowyowl22 - you're saying that you're not comfortable talking to your boss about it after 2 weeks- but surely it's worse if you're feeling self conscious because you're concerned everyone can smell the toilet smells? Sorry- I'd be having a world with the boss. Explaining there is no issue but you're more comfortable using the toilets in the larger block for medical issues.

Talk to your boss. I had to do this years ago when I had a Boss who insisted on standing at the only exit door when she held meetings. She was very understanding and the talking to her relieved my anxiety and I actually never needed to leave. I've lived with a similar condition for years now and find if you actually talk to people about it many have similar issues or are very understanding. I'm not a poo troll. Use the other building.

I have suffered from IBS for years. At first I was like you, then I just started announcing "Bloody IBS" every time I needed to go to the loo, which could be several times in an hour. Now I don't care who knows where I'm going or why, because I've made it normal. And you'd be amazed at how many people say that they also suffer, and joke about fighting for the loo. The more you talk about it, the easier it will be. If you mention it to your boss, just say "Can I have a quick word about an embarrassing issue?" Then, "It's about the loo. I have IBS and I find it embarrassing everyone seeing me go into the loo in here. Can I go to the other building when my IBS is bad?"

No, we’re adults. Why is it childish? Everybody poops.

I don't think self centred is the same as being self conscious. Most people would feel self conscious having an embarrassing issue in a brand new job.

But not everybody with IBS wants to announce they’re going for one. Discretion, and allowing someone with a disability some dignity is what’s at the heart of this discussion.

I think @PastorCarrBonarra 's suggestion of using a tracker to get your steps in is a good one. I think most of us overthink what others might be thinking of us though. I agree with the earlier suggestion of having a word with your boss about using the other toilet. Most people will understand - and those that don't aren't worth knowing. And remember... most people have things going on that they're self-conscious or embarrassed about... we just don't know what they are... good luck @snowyowl22 hope things settle down for you there.

The people whinging on this thread have clearly never worked in (for example) an office full of people who send emails about how ‘nasty’ it is to go for number twos at work and ‘why would anyone do that’. Yes, I thought they were bonkers but there was still a small group of them who all agreed with each other.

Do you trivialise and use people’s anxieties around illnesses to belittle them regularly?
Grow up. Being ‘mean’ as an adult is incredibly boring.

I work in a small office with just one toilet up a flight of stairs so it's very obvious if anyone goes up there. There are no alternatives. I don't have ibs and never poo at work but would definitely feel awkward if I did.

There was a woman that used to work here that would poo in the toilet most days, sometimes more than once. No idea if she had issues or just normal for her. However, she didn't seem to care as would make absolutely no attempt to disguise when she'd been despite there being plenty of bleach and air freshener available in the toilet. The smell would be awful and there was often "evidence" left around the bowl. I'll admit my colleagues and I found this disgusting and would text or email to warn if the loo was in a bad state. Sometimes we'd resort to cleaning it ourselves.

Anyway I digress. I very much doubt that anyone will notice you going to the other loos but if they do mention it, just say you prefer those loos as more private. Most people will understand and may even feel the same. It's understandable why you wouldn't want to mention to your manager, especially as you are new, but don't think you need to. Enjoy your new job!

Yes i get this, and my response was directed at the person who asked if I was 10. Completely get why someone with IBS wants discretion. I had it for years and would drive to another office to go! (But yes I would say I was going there to use the toilet)

I can't imagine any professional declaring they are going "for a private dump", who says that!

Most people don't even say anything, you just ... leave. It's bizarre to make a declaration about your toilet habits. What's next? Off to change my tampax, back in a minute? Never happens either.

We do, that’s why I said it… What’s the definition of a ‘professional’? Not everyone is stuffy about a bodily function you know. I’d rather tell people where I am than have to field phone calls asking whilst I’m having a sit down…!