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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Embarrassing issue at new job

80 replies

snowyowl22 · 07/11/2023 21:59

NC for this but long term poster.

I've been in a new job for 2 weeks and I'm really enjoying the role. However there is an issue with the office space that I'm struggling with.

It's a small office, I think it might be a converted house, such is the layout of it. Very small rooms, not much in the way or corridor space and the only toilet is similar to a typical downstairs loo that you'd find in a home.

I suffer from IBS especially in the morning and I hate the toilet situation there. It's surrounded by offices and doesn't feel private at all! Im sure things can be heard and it's definitely obvious when someone has been in there a while as you can't help but see people go in due to the layout.

From someone who is used to big, anonymous toilet blocks in offices I just can't get used to this. Especially with my IBS. It's making me anxious which in turn is making my symptoms worse. It's mortifying having to use that loo.

There is another building that we can access and the toilets are a bit more private there but I can't keep finding excuses to go over there all the time with no reason or it will be look odd.

I'm actually wondering how I can carry on with this job because it's worrying me so much. But I really like the work and the people. Does anyone else have a work/toilet situation like this? What the hell did you do?!

OP posts:
Pushmepullu · 07/11/2023 22:56

Bedofroses2 · 07/11/2023 22:50

Just keep using the other toilets - don't make an excuse, or say anything at all. You don't have to justify which toilets you use to anyone at all, or how long you spend at the toilet.
I can't imagine any scenario where I'd ask someone at work why they were using a specific toilet. And if they do, just say you prefer the other ones! We all have a desk, computer, mug, chair, parking space etc. we prefer to use at work!

Agree.
This is what I said to DS who has IBD. He has never been questioned when he used to go to toilets the furthest away from his office.

CaramelMac · 07/11/2023 22:56

And this is why I learned a long time ago to check the toilets when you go for an interview after one job where there was one loo for everyone that opened directly into the office, and one stupid cow who would comment if anyone spent what she considered a little too long in there.

Clafoutie · 07/11/2023 23:03

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 22:49

Oh come on, how self centred do you have to be to think people are taking any notice of what toilets you use Confused

That’s a really mean misinterpretation of the OP. Presumably you don’t suffer from IBS yourself?

Katbum · 07/11/2023 23:04

Speak to your manager/HR, it’s a disability access issue. No need to go into specifics just say you have a medical condition which makes using a small toilet in close proximity to others difficult. Anyone with a bit of common sense will get the picture…

Lovemycat2023 · 07/11/2023 23:05

I understand your concerns OP. I consider my IBS mild but on a bad day I’m in and out of the loos all morning. WFH has been a godsend for this, esp when it’s a bit noisy too (sorry if TMI).

I hope you find a good solution, and that you have kind and compassionate colleagues.

WilmaWonka · 07/11/2023 23:05

I should imagine just confiding in someone at work will greatly reduce your anxiety about this OP so I’d advise doing so.

You’re all adults, a medical issue is nothing to be embarrassed about and I’d expect a decent manager to be understanding and make suggestions which will make you feel more comfortable at work without breaching confidentiality.

ttcat37 · 07/11/2023 23:06

In my office it would be “right, I’m going over for a private dump. Back in 10”.

ClydeBank · 07/11/2023 23:06

no IBS but I have a paranoia about being heard going to the loo and am unable to wee if I think people can hear me. I worked in an office with paper thin walls and a loo designed so that when u went for a wee there was no graduated slope in the toilet bowl to reduce noise and putting loo roll in the pan didn’t work. As a result, everyone cd hear everything. I used to boil the kettle and rush to the loo so that the kettle noise wd block out sound. Or I went out to local places with loos in my lunch break. Never got used to it but didn’t change jobs because of it. I had a colleague in a different department who told her boss about her ibs - boss was v understanding and relocated her closer to her loo of choice 👌

u Cd v matter of factly say to colleagues “I am not using that loo wen u can hear everything” and not even mention your ibs

you won’t b the only person feeling like this and even if u were it totally makes sense why u might feel self conscious

hope it all works out

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 23:06

@Clafoutie no, IBD. I'm still aware that I'm really not important enough to anyone that they'd fixate on what toilet I use or what I use it for! Noise, can't be helped. Smell can.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 23:07

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 22:49

Oh come on, how self centred do you have to be to think people are taking any notice of what toilets you use Confused

mind you, I have noticed when some man started to use MY toilets (only 2 women in the entire company, we have private toilets 😂).

And you know what, no-one made a complaint, the poor guy was looking for privacy too.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 23:08

ttcat37 · 07/11/2023 23:06

In my office it would be “right, I’m going over for a private dump. Back in 10”.

are you all 10 years old?

Arachnesweb · 07/11/2023 23:10

Katbum · 07/11/2023 23:04

Speak to your manager/HR, it’s a disability access issue. No need to go into specifics just say you have a medical condition which makes using a small toilet in close proximity to others difficult. Anyone with a bit of common sense will get the picture…

Best answer. There's no need to waffle about "10,000 steps". It's a genuine disability issue which employer has to accommodate.

AnnaMasse · 07/11/2023 23:10

My colleague goes to another floor. She doesn't mind other departments hearing whatever.

grandkk454 · 07/11/2023 23:11

Haven’t read every post, but I’ve often used the ‘trying to get my steps in’ when using a further away toilet or facility at work. Not that anyone ever asked but it helped to convince myself that this was the reason.

youveturnedupwelldone · 07/11/2023 23:11

As a manager, I'd recommend you speak to yours about this - it's easily resolved.

If you do and you get a negative response, then it's probably time to move on - but sound them out first.

I know (from experience) it's really hard to talk about this sort of thing but sometimes needs must. My issues are not the same as yours but I'm about to need to have the same sort of disability/accommodations related conversation with my very new LM. It's a leap of faith isn't it.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 23:13

As a manager, I'd recommend you speak to yours about this - it's easily resolved.

I am not sure why you would need to?

Who is going to comment about someone using the loo?

Redburnett · 07/11/2023 23:14

Have you tried loperamide? Maybe take one in the morning before going to work.

Clafoutie · 07/11/2023 23:15

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 23:06

@Clafoutie no, IBD. I'm still aware that I'm really not important enough to anyone that they'd fixate on what toilet I use or what I use it for! Noise, can't be helped. Smell can.

I am sorry that you have IBD. But the OP is surely coming from a place of anxiety about her IBS, rather than just being self-centred.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 07/11/2023 23:21

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 22:49

Oh come on, how self centred do you have to be to think people are taking any notice of what toilets you use Confused

I've worked in 4 separate offices, 1 private sector, 3 public sector, where people commented unprompted on other people's toilet habits, including "don't ask Lisa to meet you before her 10 o'clock poo, she's grumpy until then" and I've overheard colleagues who I had thought were nice enough actually having full phone conversations while pooing at work.

howrudeforme · 07/11/2023 23:23

Totally get this.

I suffer terrible IBS and only go to the office once a week and it takes me 6 days to recover.

we have mixed toilets directly onto a busy corridor. Thank goodness it’s once a week.

really, I’d just mention to your boss that you have gastric problems and you’ll be using the toilet further away as you’re more comfortable with that.

best of luck.

warriorofhopelessness · 07/11/2023 23:23

Redburnett · 07/11/2023 23:14

Have you tried loperamide? Maybe take one in the morning before going to work.

It’s not a good idea to recommend people take medication long term for a condition that they’re probably seeing their doctor for anyway. Loperamide is recommended for 48 hours only without medical supervision in any case.

Hankunamatata · 07/11/2023 23:29

Vi poo is brilliant if your worried about smells.

Play some music on your phone if your worried about noise.

Drttc · 07/11/2023 23:30

Just make it part of your routine to use the other ones! It makes perfect sense for a person to prefer a more private space, IBS or not. If anyone finds it odd they will soon be accustomed to your routine and forget all about it.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/11/2023 23:31

AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous · 07/11/2023 22:49

Oh come on, how self centred do you have to be to think people are taking any notice of what toilets you use Confused

it’s not self centred. And if you knew anything about IBS you would know that.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/11/2023 23:36

@AlwaysUnreasonablyFabulous I also have IBD, and was horrendously bullied at work for 'skiving' aka using the toilet.

Some people are horrid, and no one wants their toilet habits as a subject for public discussion. It's absolutely mortifying and I can completely see where OP is coming from.

I'm also amazed that as someone with IBD you can't see the issue with a toilet that is likely to have poor sound proofing and is in immediate proximity to where colleagues are working.