To tell MIL it's none of her business how DD looks on her school photo

[northernlightsareamazing]

My MIL has just phoned to say that they've just received the first term Tempest photo of Y7 DD, and had a massive strop because in her opinion DD looked a disgrace and it was a shame because it was their first image of her in her high school uniform and it wasn't smart because her tie was a bit loose.
Tbh I've never got worked up about how my DDs look when they go to school, as long as they are wearing clean correct uniform then I leave it up to them whether they have shirts tucked in or whatever, so I don't consider a slightly loose tie/undone top button on a school photo to be a massive issue since it's probably representative of how they look at school. I'd rather they were comfortable, happy and doing well at school.

How did she get a copy? Did you send her one?

I would just tell her sorry she feels that way and not bother to send her one next time.

Well that’s the last time your MIL has any contact with her grandchildren. Phoning you to tell you your DD is a disgrace sounds like it should be the last straw in a huge backstory. Please don’t let her negativity infect your DD at a vulnerable time

Did she also explain why you should give a f**k what she thinks?

What does she expect you to do about it? Get the school to recall the photographer?

I'd just say 'ok'.

You aren't bothered, she is bothered,

Yes, I always get copies and send to family

OK MIL, send it back if you don't like it.
Cheeky cow. She didn't pay for the photo!

Oh I call bullshit.

In response to your MIL comparing about a wonky tie your response would be 'fine, you will literally never see her again'.

Give over love.

If my PIL did that I’d say send the photo back to me and it would be the last time they ever got a photo of their granddaughter.

Interesting that she contacted you and not your husband.

But yeah, don't send any more

In which case your response is 'Oh, that's a shame MIL. Sorry you don't like the photo, I won't worry about sending one next year then.'

My DM made a comment that annoyed me about DS2's Y9 photo this year (said he looked 'a bit superior and supercilious' - FFS - he's a 13yo boy trying to smile to order, and looking a bit awkward). So I just replied (WhatsApp conversation saying no worries, I won't order one for you then if you don't like it. She backtracked pretty quickly after that!

LOL she'd hate my daughter's then, she always does something weird. This years her tie is tied in a bow, she's wearing heart shaped glasses and she's got glitter in her hair. I love them, they show her as she is. Colourful, chaotic, wonderful. You're not going to be looking back on these pictures in 20 years and fussing about her tie.

Don't send her a copy next year. Year 7 photos are always the neatest anyway so she's definitely not going to approve of any future ones.

You can’t send a picture and then say it’s none of her business how she looks

She should count herself fortunate that she hasn't got a photo like some I've seen over the years - apart from those who clearly don't want to be there and are slumped and scowling, there are always some where it's clear they are habitually neglected in terms of personal hygiene and clothing. Smiling, clean and a slightly loose tie is perfect - it's also always handy to be able to identify a kid by their photo on the MIS, rather than see one face on the screen and an almost completely different one in front of you.

Stop sending her photos.

I was away for the school photos one year when DD was about 5/6. I got to find out what her hair looked like when left to her and DH!

Why does anyone even have these conversations with their in laws? Why don’t you just pass the phone over to your partner? All I talk to my in laws about is polite conversation, the rest my DH can deal with.

Well you can receive a photo and think not my granddaughter/grandson's best picture but never mind, it was thoughtful of their mum to buy & send it.

Or you can just complain and see where that gets you.

I have a much-loved black and white school photos of my Dad, taken in the 60s. He has a graze on his chin, his tie is off-centre, hair sticking up at the back and, despite my grandmother's best attempts to comb his hair over his forehead, you can see a plaster peaking out behind his fringe.

We all love this photo as it captures him as he really was at that age.

It's sad your MIL would rather have something to show off to her friends over a true representation of the lovable, slightly dishevelled grandchild that she actually has.

My DS is 38 soon, and I’ve kept many of the slightly strange school photos from years back… they are a source of amusement for us all!

They include the silly curtain hairstyles, the bizarre brylcreem hair phase of the mid 90s, missing and growing teeth of primary years, the flushed cheeks of various colds and bugs, photos taken after lunch where we guess the food spills on the uniform… etc etc.

Dgps always enjoyed a giggle when the photos came out, never taken seriously as a reflection of our parenting, fgs!!

Ignore her nonsense.

My DS looked fine in his clean pressed uniform when we went out the front door. By the time we reached the gate something had happened and he resembled Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. In his first communion photos he looked like he'd just lurched out of a snooker hall.

Some things are beyond a parent's control. A happy scruffy DD is better than a spick and span one who's unhappy. Your values are straight and MIL needs to get a grip.

That is so funny!

LIterally every year my son had an injury or something on his face on school photo day. The best pic was when he smacked himself in the forehead with a golfclub the day before and had an egg shaped bruise right in the middle of his forehead for his school photos.

That was 20 years ago and we still have a good laugh about it today.

FWIW this is pretty much how she looks every day for school and on her school photo. And yes I know it's 10.15 and she's still in uniform and should be in bed, just proves what a shit parent I am.....

How dare your MIL have any opinions on anything ever! Yes OP, go no contact, that's great advice. Completely justifiable.

For goodness sake, some of my DC's school photos have been howlers! It's ok to have an opinion, it doesn't mean you love anyone any less or that you should go and live in a hole and never lay eyes on your grandkids again!

DH is at work, I had no choice

What? You would go no contact over that?