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AIBU?

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Original poster

XL Bully Around Children

186 replies

Popcornlassie28 · 07/11/2023 14:06

Hi,

My SIL has decided to buy a XL bully dog (yes I know they are in the process of being banned by the government).

I was bitten by a bully type dog as a child when I was round a friend’s house having a play date so I’m naturally on edge about this.

I have two small children (and she has an older school age child) and I’ve expressed I’m not comfortable with the children visiting the house with the dog there but she is welcome to visit us here.

They think I’m being OTT and said that the dog is fine and not all are aggressive. She is refusing to muzzle or put the dog away as she said it’s a pet that needs to be socialised with people and putting the dog away will add to the issue.

Seeing all the news about these dogs at the moment makes me think I’m being responsible as one bite can kill and be devastating.

I know it’s a nature verses nurture debate and people think it’s how they are raised and not their breed but I don’t know enough about this breed to comment.

Am I being unreasonable to not allow the children over?

OP posts:
TangerineNeonLight · 07/11/2023 14:19

She sounds like a complete idiot. Also, there seems to be advice floating around social media for dog owners to use other people's children as a training opportunity. So they take them to playgrounds or schools at hometime to 'socialise' the dog. It's incredibly selfish, arrogant behaviour and you are never obliged to have your children around any dog you don’t want near them - because of breed, or disposition, or foolishness of owner. Your SIL should get used to parents keeping their kids away from her house and her dog now she's made such a ridiculous decision - any parent with an inkling of common sense would keep their children well away from this breed, and anyone reckless enough to own one.

HeDoesntWannaBangYouSomebodyHangYou · 07/11/2023 14:20

Not a chance I'd take that risk,no matter whose feelings were hurt.

DanceMumTaxi · 07/11/2023 14:20

There’s a reason these dogs are being banned. Your sil is being completely irresponsible and there’s no way I would be visiting.

rainbowsparkle28 · 07/11/2023 14:21

YANBU. I would have the same expectations and ultimately you need to keep your children safe.

Mammillaria · 07/11/2023 14:21

Any dog can bite. As I see it you have 2 main variables that would dictate how comfortable I would be to have any given dog near my child.

  1. How much damage they are likely to inflict if they do bite. This is largely breed and size specific.
  2. How much I trust the owner to have (a) trained and socialised the dog and (b) be able to read the dog's cues and remove them/the child from any situation where a bite could occur.

I wouldn't completely dismiss any dog based on (1) but I would need a much higher level of trust that the owner would manage the situation (2).

I would be very wary of any owner who insists their dog 'will be fine' with your child as it implies they will not be cautiously watching their dog and the child ready to jump in if necessary.

bombastix · 07/11/2023 14:22

Fallenangelofthenorth · 07/11/2023 14:17

Very much doubt she's getting one. She's winding you up. IF, and it's a big IF she does get one, then she won't have a choice but to muzzle it outside of the home.

Suggest muzzle for SIL or just ignore her. If she does stuff like this for a wind up then you are better off

Heronwatcher · 07/11/2023 14:23

She must be completely mad. YANBU. Plus if she’s got such utterly terrible judgment I wouldn’t be trusting my kids alone with her in any other capacity.

Fizzadora · 07/11/2023 14:26

Is this your husband's sister. Is he likely to undermine you and take the kids to visit without your knowledge?

Cosmosforbreakfast · 07/11/2023 14:26

I really hope your sister is winding you up. Why would anyone get a XL Bully, discounted pup or not? Is your sister a drug dealer or a scumbag? They're the only kind of people want those type of dogs.

I wouldn't let my kids visit and I wouldn't visit myself either. Those dogs are killers.

FooFighter99 · 07/11/2023 14:27

Popcornlassie28 · 07/11/2023 14:14

@FooFighter99 Thanks! I don’t know enough about large breed dogs. The only dog I’ve lived with is a Cavalier when I was 10…the most docile little beings in the world😂

I am absolutely fuming about the XL bully. It’s a puppy. She got it discounted because of the ban. Really silly.

@Popcornlassie28 Our Rottie is as soft as anything but I still wouldn't leave her unsupervised with kids, because you just never know. She's had training and is great with her commands and her recall is pretty good too - she's the absolute light of my life, I love her to bits - but a dog is still a dog at the end of the day and I want to be a responsible owner.

She's done the school runs with me since she was allowed out at 12 weeks old and she loves people, and 99% of people love her too. It's a genuine shame that the remaining 1% have some form of prejudice against the breed and/or are genuinely scared of her (for whatever reason, but I get it, not everyone likes dogs)

Your SIL is a moron. Lets hope she takes the time to train this puppy and be a responsible owner!

LaLoba · 07/11/2023 14:28

It’s not just nurture and the owners that decide how dangerous these dogs are.

I can’t understand why we can say a collie is likely to be predisposed to herd, a greyhound to chase small animals, or a shepherd dog to guard, but when it comes to powerful dogs bred to fight and never back down we have to pretend there is nothing innate in that dog that makes it a liability.

Your SIL is a fool, OP. Stick to your guns and don’t risk your children.

Haydenn · 07/11/2023 14:28

I’d question the sanity of an breeder breeding these dogs now, and anyone buying one knowing the responsibilities that they are going to have going forwards

Fallenangelofthenorth · 07/11/2023 14:29

bombastix · 07/11/2023 14:22

Suggest muzzle for SIL or just ignore her. If she does stuff like this for a wind up then you are better off

Show quote history

It's the fact OP has already said she's wary around all bull breeds due to a previous attack. That, plus all the publicity, the fact they're almost banned, and owning one will be a complete nightmare with having to keep them muzzled, early neutering, registered. Just why would anyone put themselves or their family (or indeed the dog) through it if they didn't already have one?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 07/11/2023 14:30

There was a piece in one of the papers today about a woman whose XL bully had bitten her 6 year old. She said the dog had been the family pet for some time, no signs at all that he would bite and that she had to physically wrestle him off of her son. She is supportive of the ban and feels her son would have been killed if she had not heard that attack and rushed in.

IDoNotMoisturise · 07/11/2023 14:30

These puppies should all be put down now not sold as "discounted"🙄

Frequency · 07/11/2023 14:30

She is refusing to muzzle or put the dog away as she said it’s a pet that needs to be socialised with people and putting the dog away will add to the issue

She's right about the socialisation and I wouldn't put a puppy away if people were visiting for this reason but she should muzzle train him from day one and he can be socialised with a muzzle on.

Bananalanacake · 07/11/2023 14:31

What's wrong with a Pomeranian or a Dachshund?

TrailingFig · 07/11/2023 14:33

I wouldn’t go anywhere near it unmuzzled.

I have family with a Cane Corso and don’t visit them

LakeTiticaca · 07/11/2023 14:33

Not a snowball chance in heĺl should your kids be near that dog

Applebeard · 07/11/2023 14:40

"bring your kids round to play with my new chainsaw"

Nope.

Original poster
Popcornlassie28 · 07/11/2023 14:53

@Fizzadora Yes, my husband’s sister. He is in agreement with me that he’s not happy about the dog, thankfully!

OP posts:
Wexone · 07/11/2023 15:01

Totally agree with @Mammillaria - am a big believer its not the dog but the owner. I am judging your sister in law for 1) buying a dog - especially when rescues and pounds full of puppies and abandoned dogs 2) obviously hasn't done research into the bred to see if fits in her lifestyle etc and 3) already saying no she not going to do x y and z so realistically she not going to train the dog and give it the proper exercise etc. Legislation needs to be tightened that you cant juts buy any dog, breeders cant just keep breeding, Any dog from a jack Russel to a rottie can kill and bite, you are within your rights to not go to her house

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 07/11/2023 15:18

I grew up with large breed dogs that people could find intimidating and have no problems with many large breeds, - but an XL! Hell to the nope nope nope!!
They are monstrously strong and built to fight. The damage they can do is unreal. 10 stone of basically muscle on your throat is never going to be a happy outcome.

Totally support your decision OP. She sounds like a complete idiot.

coconutpie · 07/11/2023 15:21

I would refuse to ever allow DC visit SIL or be anywhere around that dog, be that at home or outdoors. I would also be pointing out that SIL will need to get used to nobody allowing their DC over for play dates to her house because there is no way in hell I would allow DC over to a house with an XL bully dog. Your SIL is a fucking idiot.

slore · 07/11/2023 15:22

"It's not the breed it's the owner" is such a moronic thing to say. XL bullies are bred from pit bulls, a breed designed initially for bull baiting then for dog fighting. They were bred to kill.

As such, XL bullies and all other breeds in the pit bull family have the following traits as standard (not all individuals belonging to these breeds but these are the expected typical traits)
:

  • A high prey drive.
  • Impulsive aggression.
  • They bite to kill: they latch and shake and don't let go. They go for the head and neck because their intent is to do maximum damage.
  • Tenacity: they will keep going until the job is finished. This is to ensure they kept fighting through the pain of injuries. Tenacity also results in bully breeds destroying houses and furniture.
  • A heightened fight or flight instinct, making them neurotic.
  • Minimal body language: they were bred to not give visual warnings about their attacks, to gain an advantage over their opponents. This leads to "but he's so sweet!" incidents: bullies often won't show you if they're not sweet.
  • Very large litters: because of the high death rate in dog fighting - and also puppies being killed by their own mothers and littermates - large litters were necessary to replace the losses. This is why their population has exploded so rapidly.
  • Very wide mouths, for a bigger bite and to continue to take in air while biting for a long time.

None of this is correctable by training. You CANNOT train away genetics.

There is a reason why dog fighters do not fight with German Shepherds or Great Danes: it's not just size and strength, it's personality traits. Collie pups try to herd with no training, bully pups try to fight.

All owners can do is hope that their individual dog really is as sweet as they seem, rather than just not broadcasting violent thoughts and feelings as is typical for fighting breeds. You cannot tell the difference between a sweet XL who will never harm a fly, and an XL with the characteristic of scarce body language who will one day appear to catastrophically "turn" without warning.