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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FiL wants all our data

758 replies

HighlandCowSaysBooNotMoo · 06/11/2023 23:54

My father in law works in a government role.
Today he put a message in the family WhatsApp group asking if we could send him our addresses, d.o.bs, mothers maiden names, our place of birth, our address history, previous maiden names etc.
Apparently he needs this info from his 4 adult children, their spouses (me included) , his own siblings and his siblings spouses, grandchildren, his in laws etc. Basically he is covering every member of the family and spouses etc over the age of 18.
He has put something light hearted about it being needed for an enhanced security check that he's been told he needs for his job.
He is not changing jobs or position in the company. He has been in this job for since my husband was a wee kid!!
A couple of people have responded straight away with their data.
DH says IABU not to share mine with his dad
What do I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Fruitbatdancer · 07/11/2023 20:15

This is completely Normal for certain roles. In some instances, such is the vetting requirements that they interview people, or indeed in one case I know clearly uncovered an affair. They are making sure no one in wider family circle is vulnerable to blackmail etc
if you don’t want to share with group on WhatsApp, do it directly to him over secure email Or ask him where you can send etc.
reality is, if you don’t provide, they’ll find it out anyway, coz you know, spies… 🕵🏻‍♀️

HereForTheFreeLunch · 07/11/2023 20:25

On the one hand we have the other thread going where the kids names are not given out to another mum for inviting them to a birthday party.

And on the other hand there's a bunch of people here not understanding why anyone would not want to hand over their personal information to a random request (I don't know for sure it's the govt asking).

Those laughing at or mocking the ones who would not want to hand over personal details - do you not think there is any reason to pause for thought?

DumpedByText · 07/11/2023 20:47

I was enhanced security checked for a Civil service job. I had to provide parents and siblings details, and they went in to everyone's background. Completely normal depending on the job, but I'd want to see proof of why he wants it before handing it over.

Weemumofone · 07/11/2023 21:22

My husband has had to do this before to get security clearance for his job. He works in IT and access to air traffic control, gas plants. Quite normal and Govt will require the employee to provide the data then they’ll run security checks on it.

FrangipaniBlue · 07/11/2023 22:42

OP "FIL has asked for mine, DH and our children's personal details, why would he need those?"

Every other poster on the thread "I had to provide my parents, grandparents and siblings"

Yes, yes you did. But the OP and her family ARE NOT ANY OF THESE THINGS TO HER FIL!

For the final time for the hard of understanding, you do not need to provide details of your children, their partners nor your grandchildren for DV in the UK (unless they co-habit with you).

and no, NOBODY can conduct background checks is on the OP for the purpose of her FILs employment without her consent.

I won't be arguing with anyone else, keep spouting tripe at the OP if you want, but I do know what I'm talking about because it's part of my bloody job.

lljkk · 07/11/2023 22:46

Precipice · 07/11/2023 00:08

Not the point, but he's asking for addresses? He doesn't know where his own children/siblings/grandchildren live? Or when they were born?

yeah, I got stuck on that, too

Tiredandsleepie · 07/11/2023 22:46

My uncle went through the ringer for his government job because of my dads job took bloody forever to go through

Myfabby · 07/11/2023 22:58

FrangipaniBlue · 07/11/2023 22:42

OP "FIL has asked for mine, DH and our children's personal details, why would he need those?"

Every other poster on the thread "I had to provide my parents, grandparents and siblings"

Yes, yes you did. But the OP and her family ARE NOT ANY OF THESE THINGS TO HER FIL!

For the final time for the hard of understanding, you do not need to provide details of your children, their partners nor your grandchildren for DV in the UK (unless they co-habit with you).

and no, NOBODY can conduct background checks is on the OP for the purpose of her FILs employment without her consent.

I won't be arguing with anyone else, keep spouting tripe at the OP if you want, but I do know what I'm talking about because it's part of my bloody job.

Calm down. You are a tad overinvested in this.

Is your job very stressful?

maddening · 07/11/2023 23:17

Pineapplepots · 06/11/2023 23:58

This is pretty normal for government jobs, he may be working on a new project with heightened security clearance. They are going to do it whether you supply the info or not unfortunately. I know I’ve been checked for a least 2 family members jobs who didn’t even bother to ask me, just handed over my info. The government will already have all this information by the way, assuming you have a passport.

In that case they should provide a secure government portal where the op just puts her passport number

PegasusReturns · 07/11/2023 23:19

I went through DV and had to provide details of people who were then interviewed about me.

I also had to provide just about every financial statement I’d ever received (mortgage/credit card/loans etc)

oh and I was asked if I’d ever had lesbian sex and whether I cheated on partners 🤷‍♀️

Bigcat25 · 07/11/2023 23:43

Clearly not unreasonable bc he hadn't given you a good reason. This is very suspicious. If he truly needs it for work there should be official documentation from his work requesting it.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/11/2023 23:46

Bigcat25 · 07/11/2023 23:43

Clearly not unreasonable bc he hadn't given you a good reason. This is very suspicious. If he truly needs it for work there should be official documentation from his work requesting it.

Not if he works in government or other secure agencies and needs this for higher security clearance. It’s completely on the employee to provide the information requested.

Tbry · 07/11/2023 23:54

I’ve worked in similar environments had to put all of that on the forms.

FrangipaniBlue · 07/11/2023 23:59

@Myfabby yeah I think you're right 😂😂😂

It's just so infuriating to read incorrect/irrelevant information being repeated over and over 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

HoppingPavlova · 08/11/2023 01:34

I had to do this for my best friend who works in security for a foreign government. I also had to provide photos of her at my wedding to prove she had left the country and been where she said she had

Yep. When DH had his security clearance, he could not leave the country without an application and permission. He had to have a detailed itinerary, have it approved and IF it was approved, he had to report to our embassy daily wherever he was, which meant some trips were off the cards if you couldn’t get to an embassy daily. He just didn’t bother during that period as it was such a load of faff.

Also, if he worked on computers in certain closed areas he had a military armed guard standing watching him the entire time. Not some high level spy, just an IT guy.

As for those saying no one but spouse etc detail are collected. Again, the details he had to provide were extensive. My parents were interviewed, even his siblings spouse was interviewed. At no point did he have any communication from the government he could provide to anyone that this was ‘legit’, but it obviously was.

After that project, he refused support work on other projects that required such a high level clearance, he did others with lower level clearances where it was only direct relatives details needed and myself interviewed and he only needed to advise if he was leaving country, and did not have restrictions when travelling. His preference was projects that didn’t require any sort of clearance though as the difference in pay was not at all significant, and certainly not enough for the intrusion and restrictions associated with the varying clearances.

Autiebibliophile · 08/11/2023 04:00

Id reply that his company can request the information

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:35

Autiebibliophile · 08/11/2023 04:00

Id reply that his company can request the information

It’s not a company, it’s government. And it’s standard practice for enhanced security clearance. If this man is family and the OP knows for a fact that he works for a government department then it’s unreasonable not to co-operate.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:37

maddening · 07/11/2023 23:17

In that case they should provide a secure government portal where the op just puts her passport number

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

Herbiebanannas · 08/11/2023 06:53

crispcreambun · 07/11/2023 19:16

No one owes you an explanation or even a reason why they don’t want to voluntarily surrender personal information.

Show quote history

How can you surrender information that is readily available in the public domain.

That like me telling someone I refuse to surrender last nights football scores .

Herbiebanannas · 08/11/2023 06:57

HereForTheFreeLunch · 07/11/2023 20:25

On the one hand we have the other thread going where the kids names are not given out to another mum for inviting them to a birthday party.

And on the other hand there's a bunch of people here not understanding why anyone would not want to hand over their personal information to a random request (I don't know for sure it's the govt asking).

Those laughing at or mocking the ones who would not want to hand over personal details - do you not think there is any reason to pause for thought?

No absolutely not.

What possible reason is there for not giving this information out? What on earth do you think someone is going to do with it.

There is nothing requested that anyone with an ulterior motive couldn’t find anyway, and as stated many many times it’s a perfectly normal request.

Herbiebanannas · 08/11/2023 07:01

lljkk · 07/11/2023 22:46

yeah, I got stuck on that, too

Show quote history

There is no way my parents would remember the postal address and the dates I have lived at every property over the last few years.

Even if it was only one, if he is sending a request on a group chat he is obviously just going to ask for people to send him the info to make his life easier.

It must be draining g living life looking for something underhand in every basic request.

Islandgirl68 · 08/11/2023 07:09

Yes I would have thought it would be asked in a more official way, than just your FIL asking.

Cosycover · 08/11/2023 07:18

What's the big deal? The government already know everything about you. As does fb.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 08/11/2023 07:33

@Herbiebanannas it's the context that makes it seem normal to you. If a complete stranger asked you for all these details would you hand them over?
Would you give me all these details if I said I needed them for the govt as after all, the govt knows everything about you?

reclaimmyboobs · 08/11/2023 07:59

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 06:35

It’s not a company, it’s government. And it’s standard practice for enhanced security clearance. If this man is family and the OP knows for a fact that he works for a government department then it’s unreasonable not to co-operate.

Show quote history

Well, he’s family in-law, not family, and what if she’s got better things to do than write down all this stuff to benefit someone else’s job, when he can find that information out himself with a bit of legwork? Bet OP doesn’t ask him to proof her CV or iron her interview outfits.