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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never buy anything from this store again?

378 replies

Cupcakemum79 · 06/11/2023 12:47

Last weekend my husband, daughter and I went shopping for winter coats. I was really looking for a nice trenchcoat or ideally a woollen winter coat.
We walked past a luxury brand store that is known for really nice coats. Husband knows I love their coats and suggested we went inside. Normally I wouldn't even consider buying such an expensive clothing item, but husband insisted that I try on the coat I liked. He wanted to treat me if I ended up loving it, as he said it was a timeless item and he wanted to buy a nice Christmas/birthday gift that he knew I'd enjoy for years.

We asked the shop assistant for a size up in the coat I liked. It just didn't fit very nicely. Shop assistant then suggested I try on a couple of other (much more expensive[ coats. Those were really straight fitting coats though and I told her I preferred the other coat because it had a waist belt and didn't look so baggy.
She then told me "that coat maybe it was for you 20 years ago, now it's not for you".

My husband and I found this incredibly rude, but were too shocked to say anything. It ruined the shopping for me though, so we left immediately and husband told her that we didn't want a coat anymore. He was really angry. I am now 44 years old and tried the size 14, which fitted but pulled across the chest. Surely that's not incredibly old or fat to deserve a remark like that? Also what's with the '20 years ago' I really don't even look that old!

AIBU that I found this incredibly offensive and also I think that had I looked really rich she would never have said anything like that? Also I really don't want a coat from that store anymore...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Ireolu · 07/11/2023 20:10

I read the OP and immediately thought burberry. Poor service needs complaining about. How rude. Also quality isn't in keeping with the price so shop elsewhere.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/11/2023 20:11

CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/11/2023 19:50

I've experienced similar a couple of times. One was when I was looking at a silk scarf "it's very expensive" (I obviously haven't applied the MN rules for looking expensive 😄). Another was when I wanted to try on a bracelet. The assistant was insistent it wouldn't fit (I am generously proportioned but have slim wrists and ankles). Of course it fitted. I would love to have walked out but I really wanted these items.

But the best one was an assistant on a department store beauty counter. She claimed she could guess a person's star sign just by looking at them. She wrongly guessed I was a Pisces (on what basis I have no clue!). When I told her what my actual sign was she said "you can't be, they are all tall and beautiful". I swear I saw the blood drain from her face! No I didn't buy anything from her.

What were they thinking?!

She's a total twat, but I would love to know what star sign has only tall and beautiful people.

Graasspp · 07/11/2023 20:22

Ireolu · 07/11/2023 20:10

I read the OP and immediately thought burberry. Poor service needs complaining about. How rude. Also quality isn't in keeping with the price so shop elsewhere.

I want a cotton gabardine, fully waterproof macintosh. Made in UK. Stylish.....
Where ?,

Lucyh999 · 07/11/2023 20:23

Not really. Fake Burberry is chavtastic.

Awittyfool · 07/11/2023 20:26

SiousieSoo · 07/11/2023 19:18

I literally cannot see this as being rude, she was blunt but all she did was express an honest opinion. The husband charging off a complaint because he was so angry is the thing that makes me cringe. I find that totally OTT and embarrassing, it is something to my mind that should be just shrugged off.

Show quote history

I agree

I can't see what the insult in being 20 years older than you used to be.
We suit a lighter hair colour as we grow older because things change. Would you complain if the hair dresser told you "black was for you 20 years ago"?

Also was English her first language? She sounds eastern European the way you put it. Accents can come across differently.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/11/2023 20:30

ChipButtiesRule · 07/11/2023 19:51

In contrast, when I was - very clearly - young and poor, I went into Harrods with some friends and was admiring a flashy diamond necklance and tiara they had on display.

The sale assistant grinned and in a mischievous voice said 'try them on!'. She knew that I wouldn't and couldn't buy them. The security guard kept a subtle but close eye, but she enjoyed me enjoying the chance to wear several thousands of pounds worth of fine jewellery.

I always had a soft spot for Harrods after that.

Oh I had similar in a diamond shop in the Netherlands do this when I was backpacking 20 years ago... Just brought back a wistful memory of how I felt a million dollars despite clearly having no money. At the end the end when I said I couldn't afford anything, the assistant winked and said 'but you'll remember what is good when you can now.'

Bideshi · 07/11/2023 20:36

Still tittering at 'Please articulate yourself in a way that is understandable.'

She was not only rude but a bitch, OP. Your husband is a treasure.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 07/11/2023 20:42

This reminds me of when my mum was shopping (in a VERY nice) jewellery store. She was trying oh necklaces looking to treat herself for her latest promotion at work.

The shop assistant 'admired' a necklace she was trying and said "yes it's lovely, it draws attention away from the face"

I can't word for word quote what she said in reply, but I remember being in absolute awe at the age of 13 of how she responded.

Funnily enough, she didn't buy the necklace.

AnnListersBlister · 07/11/2023 20:44

I wear a lot of Burberry but I do tend to agree about quality/price. My trainers for instance, part of the material is coming away on those-and I don't wear trainers often so it isn't that they should be wearing out. Their make-up isn't the best quality, the packaging falls apart and their mascaras leave residue under one's eyes.

My Mac is lovely and warm though and their scarves are fantastic! So warm and comfortable.

Agree with PPs about tradespeople and 'old money' rich people-in shops why are staff rude to men in their work 'scruffs'?! A lot of tradespeople earn a bloody fortune.

And if you look at (especially but not isolated to the older generation) of richer people a lot of them don't care at all what they wear at all. I know several of them who don't replace their clothes even with holes in, tatty shoes, drive old bangers...I admire it to be honest. They just really don't care what people think, I guess because they don't have to. Good for them.

Original poster
Cupcakemum79 · 07/11/2023 20:44

ChipButtiesRule · 07/11/2023 19:51

In contrast, when I was - very clearly - young and poor, I went into Harrods with some friends and was admiring a flashy diamond necklance and tiara they had on display.

The sale assistant grinned and in a mischievous voice said 'try them on!'. She knew that I wouldn't and couldn't buy them. The security guard kept a subtle but close eye, but she enjoyed me enjoying the chance to wear several thousands of pounds worth of fine jewellery.

I always had a soft spot for Harrods after that.

Oh that sounds wonderfull, what a nice thing to do and a lovely memory for you

OP posts:
Trina90 · 07/11/2023 20:53

YABU OP if you don’t get someone to go back in there, preferably to the same assistant, really waste their time before saying “Hmm actually, I think X brand is far too chavvy/past it for me.”

Sorry this happened. As if the assistant’s mostly skint age group can afford to shop there. 🙄

maddening · 07/11/2023 20:53

I might have been tempted to reply "yes they are a bit dated"

Daffidale · 07/11/2023 20:56

The shop assistant sounds awful. Your DH though is a hero . Definitely a keeper ❤️

Trina90 · 07/11/2023 20:59

Awittyfool · 07/11/2023 20:26

I agree

I can't see what the insult in being 20 years older than you used to be.
We suit a lighter hair colour as we grow older because things change. Would you complain if the hair dresser told you "black was for you 20 years ago"?

Also was English her first language? She sounds eastern European the way you put it. Accents can come across differently.

Show quote history

Sorry but this is universally rude. I ask my hairdresser to be honest and he’s done my hair for nearly two decades since a teenager. He is still polite while being constructive. The OP hasn’t said she asked the shop assistant - a stranger - to be honest. There’s being honest but professional and there’s being rude and unprofessional.

Messyhair321 · 07/11/2023 21:01

Yeah nasty, you managing to control yourself & not react, you're a better person than I am.

I did though have an experience last week in a shop, & I'm not going to shop there again either.
We went in about 4.40 - 20 mins before they were due to close, we were shopping & deciding what we wanted - discussing it, then this guy came in after us, he kept changing his mind about what he was buying & apologised to the owner, who said "it's fine, don't worry, but what is really unhelpful is when people come in 'just before ' closing & don't know what they want, that's very unhelpful" - she said 'unhelpful' twice & this really stood out.
He looked really awkward but she indicated that she was talking about us, I saw her gesture in the fridge door reflection.

At this point it was 4.50 & the shop closed at 5pm.
I won't be spending my money in her shop again, I thought she was just plain rude. If you don't want to stay open until 5pm just put a closed sign up.

TentChristmas · 07/11/2023 21:17

Fuck me she was horrible. All she had to do was get a bigger size for you to try! Just bonkers.

scandiloving · 07/11/2023 21:17

That shop assistant was awful, but don't let that one person ruin the brand for you, especially if you really did like the coat. I'd complain.

Shadowonasun · 07/11/2023 21:19

Something tells me she was Eastern European... In fact, I'm willing to bet my house on it. I'm EE myself and recognize the turn of phrase and attitude very well, ha.

Of course she was bloody rude (and stupid). She's not there to express opinions when no one asks her to, or lecture clients on style or 'appropriateness'. She's there to assist clients, answer questions and fetch the clothes in required size. Doesn't matter if OP wanted to buy a coat or a pink crop top with feather piping. It's not assistant's business.

Plus trust me, if she was E European, she DEFINITELY didn't mean the coat is somehow inappropriate due to age. She meant OP was too fat for it (in her opinion, obvs).

I once walked into a shop in my hometown, tried a dress on, and asked for a bigger size. The shop assistant slowly looked me up and down, smirked and let me know 'they don't stock sizes THAT BIG'. I was 15 years old, size 10-12, 5'11''. However, in EE you're either size 8, or size 'fat'. There's no in-between. That's for women obviously, men are little slices of heaven, no matter their size (I digress, sorry).

Don't worry, OP, it's Burberry, you haven't lost anything. Try MaxMara for coats, their coats are fantastic. And forget the rude cow.

Maerchentante · 07/11/2023 21:22

YANBU OP, sometimes you have to wonder how staff come up with.

Before the summer I went into a clothing store on Longacre in Covent Garden and tried on a dress. Thought it looked a bit off on me and said that something wasn't quite right only for the sales woman to say sotto voce "Yes, your weight".
I took the dress off, put it on the hanger and left when I had dressed again. Mentioned it to a sales member in the upstairs part of the shop, but I have not bought anything from Hobbs since.
I am very conscious of the fact that I need to lose weight, but in this case the "gap" was across the chest, not anywhere else.

Bogartysmack79 · 07/11/2023 21:28

Great year to be born ! Their loss ! Plus you've saved some pennies not getting it from them, if you're set on having it you might find one pre loved?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/11/2023 21:33

SurprisedWithAHorse · 07/11/2023 20:11

She's a total twat, but I would love to know what star sign has only tall and beautiful people.

Show quote history

Librans ☺

Trina90 · 07/11/2023 21:37

Shadowonasun · 07/11/2023 21:19

Something tells me she was Eastern European... In fact, I'm willing to bet my house on it. I'm EE myself and recognize the turn of phrase and attitude very well, ha.

Of course she was bloody rude (and stupid). She's not there to express opinions when no one asks her to, or lecture clients on style or 'appropriateness'. She's there to assist clients, answer questions and fetch the clothes in required size. Doesn't matter if OP wanted to buy a coat or a pink crop top with feather piping. It's not assistant's business.

Plus trust me, if she was E European, she DEFINITELY didn't mean the coat is somehow inappropriate due to age. She meant OP was too fat for it (in her opinion, obvs).

I once walked into a shop in my hometown, tried a dress on, and asked for a bigger size. The shop assistant slowly looked me up and down, smirked and let me know 'they don't stock sizes THAT BIG'. I was 15 years old, size 10-12, 5'11''. However, in EE you're either size 8, or size 'fat'. There's no in-between. That's for women obviously, men are little slices of heaven, no matter their size (I digress, sorry).

Don't worry, OP, it's Burberry, you haven't lost anything. Try MaxMara for coats, their coats are fantastic. And forget the rude cow.

Plus trust me, if she was E European, she DEFINITELY didn't mean the coat is somehow inappropriate due to age. She meant OP was too fat for it (in her opinion, obvs).

Is this meant to make the OP feel better? Gee, thanks…

coldcallerbaiter · 07/11/2023 21:51

@Shadowonasun agree about maxmara, beautiful and understated pieces.

SlightlyJaded · 07/11/2023 22:00

@Trina90 The poster (also E.European) just explained that in E.Europe - many women consider anyone over a size 8 to be 'fat'. They are blunt - to the point of rudeness - about it. This is the point she was making. So unless OP is a size 6 - which she has said she isn't - noone needs to feel bad.

It's similar in Asian culture - my DH used to do a lot of work in Bangkok and Singapore and if he put on half a stone they would tell him he 'got fat'.

Binglebong · 07/11/2023 22:04

CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/11/2023 21:33

Librans ☺

Show quote history

Oh well that explains it. I am, of course, 6.3" and a size 8. I'll be on the Victoria's Secret catwalk next year.