To not help my daughter because she's a cam girl?

[Mastmw7g]

I've posted before, so I may BU for that reason alone.

We moved around the same time as my daughter finished university, and I rightly assumed she planned to live with us before this, so I offered to pay her rent for a year as long as she got a job. It's been over four months and she makes money by taking videos of herself and posting them online. She says there's no nudity, but it's been pointed out to me that this can mean tassels and a thong. She wants to move to us and intends to stay with us while looking for another rental in our area, and she wants us to pay for the rent on a new place.

What's new is that she wants to find someone to take her place in her current rental, and expects us to pay the rent there if she doesn't, even if she's living with us many miles away. This is too much. I'm already uncomfortable with all the assumptions of what I'll pay for while she's a cam girl instead of getting a proper job. I understand she's miserable and has a lot of conflict with her housemates because she has a dog that barks often and that there's many other reasons she wants to move that she hasn't shared. Only one housemate has a rental contract, so I appreciate that my daughter wants to do the right thing by her housemates. And I realize it's unfair that I would be more sympathetic if she had a proper job and wasn't making money in the manner she does. But enough is enough! I'm so tired.

The OP has young children in the house. A webcam worker along side them?

As everyone says she is a working adult. She can sort out her own rent.

Now I need a quick summary or link to previous threads!

I remember op posting about this before. The daughter was just about to graduate and was planning to live at home while she got her first post-university job and started working her way up. Then her parents decided to move and her expected free housing near the good job market went away. She needed to be able to take internships or entry level jobs that maybe didn’t pay the best but that would put her in the right position to work her way up.

if the dd wanted to be a cam girl she could do that from any city anywhere. All that would be required is a decent internet connection and in the US those are not hard to find coupled with cheaper housing. There would be absolutely no reason she would need to be subsidized by her parents.

Sorry she’s an adult sharing a room with another random? That would be bad for anyone’s mental health, not just a house share but a bloody room? Of course she wants to leave!

If she's not earning enough to pay rent then it's not a proper job. Was she doing her cam work from the shared bedroom? Flatmate must hsve been thrilled with that. And will she be doing it now from your house? Absolutely unacceptable.
Just a bit grim all round.

You offered to pay rent on one property for one year. I’d stick to that and not get involved in any other negotiations. She’s an adult, she’s organised herself a job ( that you might not like, and fwiw I wouldn’t either but 🤷‍♀️) You’ve given her that year financial support then it stops.

Can you work out how much there is to pay on the 12 months rental and afford to give her that? That puts an end to the agreement.

Why can't you post without saying what she works as? it's irrelevant whether she works in Tesco or a library.

your agreement with her is a bit wishy washy, you've agreed to pay rent for a year, so that is why she's trying to hold you to it. If it was HER money she sure as shit wouldn't be voluntarily paying for a property she isn't living in though, so no, she shouldn't expect you to pay it out of the kindness of your heart either.

AS LONG as she's not legally bound to pay this rent, then I'd be inclined to pay for a further 1 months on the property for her, which is what you would normally pay if you gave notice to move out. Tell her if she really wants you to keep paying for it after that she needs to move back in, or if she's that bothered about her room-share friend she should have found someone to take her place before she moved out.

Providing a roof over her head, and also paying rent on another property for her seems beyond your original agreement, to me. And I also would not be happy with her doing cam-girl work in my home (or at all, but not much you can do about that if she's not in your home).

Also, this may be fairly brutal, but it's not your fault that her friend can't afford to pay for a room on her own, you shouldn't have to subsidise that. As she has no legal contract, I'd just get her to give 4 weeks notice, and then stop paying.

In your opening post you said you'd agreed to pay her rent for a year if she got a job.
She has a job.

She both has a job and she has her rent paid already, if she wants another rent paid she should fund it with her income, if this is unaffordable she needs to be looking at a career change, you upheld your side it’s up to her to deal with hers I wouldn’t withdraw anything I was already doing but I wouldn’t be doing anything further, it’s not as if she’s jobless and earning nothing to sustain herself nor does she have rent to pay which is a large sum of her outgoings saved

THIS

I have some sympathy. You offered to pay her rental - a half share in a bedroom. You should say it is up to her to find someone to take on that half share before she moves back permanently with you, or you could find yourself paying even when someone does replace your daughter - or for the rest of the year because the room mate quite likes a room to herself for half the price. You certainly do not owe your graduate daughter a second rental if it turns out neither of you can bear each other. You obviously share a trait of not thinking ahead. Her cam work is fine - it's a skill to do it well, sort out the financials etc - but I hope she realizes what's out there is out there and available forever to future people in her life inc employers.

YANBU for not paying rent on a place where she's not living, especially if she has her own income.

Oh and I wouldn't have someone doing sex work under my roof.

I would be mortified if my DD was doing 'cam work' . Are parents actually ok with this as a job choice?

I would do everything I could to stop her doing this 'work' and support her.

It doesn't even sound as if she is tied in to a contract to pay rent on the room if she leaves early(?). If I'm right, she can just leave and neither of you need to continue to pay anything.

Is it her dog? Cam work from home and a noisy dog, she does sound like a nightmare housemate for the others, no wonder there have been falling out.

I think if she moves back in, you should stop paying rent on the place on the basis that there's no valid contract saying she has to pay it for 12 months - otherwise the remaining housemates haze zero motivation to find a new one. By all means give them a month's notice.

If it were me I wouldn't want her doing sex work under my roof (or at all). I would let her know she would be very very welcome to come nad live with me but stipulate ground rules before she even commits to moving in.

I doubt she is earning very much, the age of Only Fans and Porn Hub has meant this sort of work pays even less than it might have done one time. And I presume she is only getting paid for the time that she is actually on cam with a paying customer, so I doubt she is making a living wage.

It's the right time of year to apply for a seasonal job at a supermarket. ...

Take out what she does for a living for the moment as that is irrelevant with regards to the promise of the years rent

I would want her to get a solicitor to look at what she signed and then if she is actually going to be chased for rent if she just left.

If she is or isn’t liable or can or can’t find someone to take over then you did agree to pay 12 months rent.
Say that was at £500 per month then I would say you will pay on any rental up to £6000 whether she is living in the property or not. If that means you pay each month for an empty room then so be it

I think what she does for a living, is only relevant if she moves in as it could impact you the same way that her working from home in even a proper job would impact you if she needs quiet to make phone calls or FaceTime Conference calls or she needs to work
If she does move in with you then I think she does need to pay something towards her keep and she might have to curtail her work if you are around and likely to have tv on or are talking or are on the phone

I don’t understand why you say she hasn’t held up her side of the deal.

She got a job. I presume you didn’t specify what type of work you expected her to get.

but she isn't living in the rental property, she's moved back in with OP.. do you think OP should still pay rent on a property that she isn't living in anymore?

@sandyhappypeople She hasn't moved in with me yet. She was thinking of having my husband come help her move out a week before Christmas. She hasn't started trying to find someone to take on her share of the rent.

If she’s not planning to move back until Christmas, she can give her roommate plenty of notice now, can’t she? If she’s feeling guilty, she could give almost two month’s notice now and pay until 31st December (well, you’d actually be paying but I presume you’d be alright with a few extra days after she’s moved out)?

They have a casual subletting arrangement with no fixed term so her roommate can hardly be surprised that your DD would decide to move out at some point.

It wasn't clear from OP's opening post what the arrangement was - I was just quoting as seen. It doesn't seem fair to pay on a property that isn't being occupied but the conditions were not specified at the outset. OP's header was not really anything to do with the logistics of paying rental, per se.

@HamBone She's postponing giving notice until December. I agree that it would be better to give notice now. I actually don't want to buy a flight out for my husband to help her move until she's made some adult steps, like giving notice, advertising the space for rent, and more.

@Mastmw7g Hmm, I agree with you, she’s not handling this well.
She needs to take responsibility for her decision to move out.

Agree with this. The advice will be the same no matter how many times you post.