To not help my daughter because she's a cam girl?

[Mastmw7g]

I've posted before, so I may BU for that reason alone.

We moved around the same time as my daughter finished university, and I rightly assumed she planned to live with us before this, so I offered to pay her rent for a year as long as she got a job. It's been over four months and she makes money by taking videos of herself and posting them online. She says there's no nudity, but it's been pointed out to me that this can mean tassels and a thong. She wants to move to us and intends to stay with us while looking for another rental in our area, and she wants us to pay for the rent on a new place.

What's new is that she wants to find someone to take her place in her current rental, and expects us to pay the rent there if she doesn't, even if she's living with us many miles away. This is too much. I'm already uncomfortable with all the assumptions of what I'll pay for while she's a cam girl instead of getting a proper job. I understand she's miserable and has a lot of conflict with her housemates because she has a dog that barks often and that there's many other reasons she wants to move that she hasn't shared. Only one housemate has a rental contract, so I appreciate that my daughter wants to do the right thing by her housemates. And I realize it's unfair that I would be more sympathetic if she had a proper job and wasn't making money in the manner she does. But enough is enough! I'm so tired.

If your daughter was a nurse (insert name of other "proper job" as required), would you pay her rent? You need to separate out whether you are not happy to pay money for somewhere she doesn't live, or this is you trying to control her behaviour.

If there's no term or rental amount then what did your daughter sign, maybe just house rules?

It lists the conditions under which she can be evicted, but doesn't say how long she'll live there or how much she'll pay per month.

She isn't getting along with her housemates, but she shares a bedroom with a girl who can't afford the full price of the room, so she wants me to pay for half of the room until she finds someone to take her place.

I personally would not classify doing cam work as a job. Not only because it can be the equivalent of someone recording themselves playing video games and saying they are a content creator. It can be something someone takes seriously, but it can also be an excuse to do next to nothing. There is also the problem that any kind of online content creation is actually hard to break into and make real money

The OP is covering her daughter's rent, but the daughter appears to be managing to pay for her living expenses and also for the care of a dog, so she is presumably making enough money to cover that, at least. Maybe she is 'doing next to nothing' but so what? She's still being paid.

Unless the OP set conditions on what kind of job her daughter was allowed to take on when she offered to pay her rent for a year, it really isn't relevant how much effort she puts in or how much money she makes or what the OP's opinion is of this kind of work.

The OP is basically trying to control her adult daughter's choices - which are legal - through offering and withdrawing financial support based on moral judgements. The daughter's kept her side of the bargain.

Why did u agree to pay a year's rent ...that's quite a luxury when you have a degree and perfectly capable of working

I don't mean to over-simplify this but if you've not agreed to pay for two rentals then surely you say to her, 'no dear, I'm not paying for two rentals'.

And that should be the end of it?

@Pezdeoro41 She's not being asked to move out. She simply says she's miserable and it's bad for her mental health to be there.

You keep posting about this and you've had some good advice on your previous threads. I'm not sure what more you're looking for.

I would not pay rent on a property none of my family is living in.

I wouldn't do anything to support one of my children making money in a way I know will cause her harm.

So on both fronts, no I wouldn't pay it.

As you did offer to pay her rent, I'd suggest that she chooses to either suck it up and live there until she can find a replacement (with you helping pay for a while) or to leave and drop her housemates in it (and you don't pay).

If she doesn't have a proper contract then no obligation on you (or her) to pay her rent if she isn't living there. Her housemate probably isn't even meant to be subletting.

You'd be reasonable to say that you don't want her working as a cam girl under your roof if she moves in with you though.

"I offered to pay her rent for a year as long as she got a job"

Well, she hasn't got a job has she. She is making some money in a casual way but I'm sure that's not what you had in mind when you agreed to pay the rent on condition of a job.

Sounds to me like she's in a bit of a mess and just wants to come "home" to you. Fair enough, but that doesn't mean you have to keep paying for her illegal sublet.

@Orange67 I didn't find out until yesterday she expected me to continue paying for her current rental even after moving in with me. As it says in the OP, that's what's new. It does sound like people think I'm being unreasonable if I don't do that.

She's been making money, not in a way you approve of but she's still doing it, you just sound judgemental so yabu

If she is making more money as a cam girl than a proper job why doesn't she pay her rent?

Tell her to just leave. If she doesn't have a proper contact they won't have a leg to stand on.

As an aside though, if she moves in with you won't she be doing her cam-work under your roof? I wouldn't like my dd doing this type of "work" full stop but I certainly wouldn't allow her to carry out her porn work under my roof!

she sounds very entitled-no you sholdnt pay for somewhere shes not even living in

Occupation aside, if I had offered to pay rent for a year it would be on a place they are actually living in.

If they committed to somewhere and then chose to move out while still being obligated to pay rent, I would only be paying for the new place - the old place is their problem to deal with

@redskyanight I'd have a lot more sympathy for her situation if I weren't already uncomfortable with how she's pushed limits. She says getting out of her housing is a matter of mental health concern.

If your adult child moves in with you, then surely she should really be paying you rent. Not expecting you to pay for a place she’s not living in.

How much does she even pay for a shared room in a shared house? I’m not surprised she wants to move back home!

What her roommate can or can’t afford is not your problem. Use the rent money to house & feed your daughter while she’s living with you.

I agree with you. The way some posters are trying to act like everyone would and should be happy with their daughter doing cam work is funny.

I would not be happy to support my daughter if she is doing things that goes against my values and cam girl is one of them and I definitely will not want her doing that in my home.

She wants you to pay 2 lots of rent? Is that right? Agreeing to pay her rent for a year clearly doesn't include paying 2 lots of rent, one for a house she'll no longer be living in. YANBU at all to say no.

Realistically NO ONE will take over a room where you share with another person. ('Without being a very dodgy person)

So agree she can come live with you and you will pay the rent until the legal contract ends. But that payment is within the 13 months. No paying new rent until this obligation ends.

And I imagine rent in this place, sharing a room! Would be much cheaper than a new place without sharing.

But just get her to give notice, pay another 1 month /Heather is reasonable and let them sue her if owe more and have sone legal context to support that.

@Littlelucas Yes, she's going to continue doing it even while living with me. We'll have to find some house rules she'll agree to.

I don't think her choice of job should affect if and how you support her. I wouldn't like it either but it's not illegal. Its probably not forever. You won't change her mind by withdrawing support you will just make her think she'd best earn more.

@burnoutbabe And I imagine rent in this place, sharing a room! Would be much cheaper than a new place without sharing.

The area we moved away from is very expensive, so sharing a room there costs as much as getting a place without sharing here.

That's honestly why we moved even though the timing wasn't great for her. The cost of living before was just too high.

Going against many other posters but I think what she does for a living is very relevant. If she wants to do this type of work and live independently then off with her, but if she expects someone else to subsidise her then it's a different story. You've educated her and unless it was pole dancing lessons I'm guessing the plan was that she gets a job in her field. I'm all for supporting a kid starting off in life but subsidising sex work? No way. And I wouldn't allow it in my house. Re the room she wants to leave I'm pretty sure she can get a replacement, isn't there a huge demand these days. It's up to her to get a replacement before she leaves, if you were to pay then she won't bother trying.