My husband said I have no hobbies?

[dustfairy]

During an argument about child care (mainly about me not getting much time for myself)... DH comes out with 'well maybe if you actually had a hobby you wouldn't be so bored'. It was said very spitefully.

This really upset me. My hobbies are things like reading, films, cooking etc. I always thought I had plenty of hobbies. Just because they aren't sport related like running and golf (his hobbies) and take hours on a weekend.

I feel like he thinks I'm boring? AIBU to be in such a huff?

Quite apart from his hostility, it's such a weird retort from him because it's almost proving your point - if you weren't taking on most of the childcare you'd have time for a bloody hobby!

Tell him you've turned your love of reading into a Legitimate Hobby by organising your own book club. You will now be out of the house two evenings a week, and a weekend morning.

Hide in a cafe and just read. If he finds you, pretend everyone had to leave early because of the rain/snow/roadworks/full moon ☺️

You need to leave the house on a weekend just like he does he obviously doesn't take your interests seriously as you're at home. Reclaim your time!!!!

Join a ´gym’ then pocket the equivalent of a monthly gym fee and go and spend 2 hours every Saturday in the library/bookshop followed by a proper coffee + a wander round wherever you fancy.

Use his words against him... give him the kids and do something. Those hobbies you mention are house-bound things, so in that sense, he's right. Find something that gets you out and about and dump the kids on him :)

reading, films, cooking etc those are just living life, those aren’t hobbies.

You need to embrace his criticism and take up a really time consuming hobby that means he can no longer play golf all weekend 😄

Those are my hobbies, plus walking and gardening and nature crafts etc. equally as valid as fucking golf imo.

YANBU - that was a spiteful swipe and i'd remember it. and wait patiently to use it against him at some point

The grown up thing to do is wait till you're both calm and then tell him it hurt you.

It's very sad that just being content in your home and just thoroughly enjoying doing everyday things is often seen as 'not having anything to do'.

My own hobby situation fluctuates over the years. Sometimes i have one, but years can go by when i don't and i'm perfectly happy. DH has no opinion of me and my lack of hobbies right now but he has things on the go ALL the time.

Get which one of us suffers from boredom and restlessness often?

https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/male-hobbies-vs-female-hobbies-tiktok

I have had the same too. My hobbies are book club and learning the piano. I used to frequently be at the gym too but time hasn't allowed with new job and childcare arrangement.

But it's not a 'sport' so not a hobby apparently!

I think the problem is probably that what you class as your hobbies are very standard interests / parts of life for virtually every person: who doesn’t like watching films? If someone enjoys applying makeup or reading magazines I certainly wouldn’t call it a hobby. Hobbies are usually a bit more tailored to your personality / skills / personal interests rather than something everyone does (e.g salsa classes or cake decorating). Sounds like he wants you to do something that takes you out of the house or gives you both something different to talk about which is no bad thing.

Yep. He has no comeback to you getting a hobby now. Use his words against him. "I took your advice seriously and decided I did need a hobby. Thanks DH!". Then leave the house once or twice a week leaving him to take care of the kids.

Book club, gym, film club, cookery group. Take yourself to the cinema or hide in a cafe or library getting some time to yourself!

Step one; take up knitting
Step two; pick a complex pattern
Step three; unleash the beast that can only be found whilst trying to count stitches and someone asks an inane question (preferably DH)

Why did he say you are bored? Are you? If so, does he have a point? Your ‘hobbies’ are just normal day to day life things that you enjoy OP. It doesn’t mean you are boring at all, but if you don’t have a hobby that requires time away from the home that’s nobody else’s fault.

I wouldn't class these as hobbies. Everyone does these things just as part of every day life.

All these 'hobbies' are solitary and can be done at home. A 'hobby' usually gets you out of the house (although not always) and meeting people.

Have a look on the Meetup app for a book group to join. You could also find a film group or course. Maybe some fun cooking courses?

Do you not have anything that takes you out of the home?

Yes I think join a book club, start making films yourself and writing stories then you're allowed to call them hobbies op. Ffs people are ridiculous. Sport isn't a hobby it's an excuse to avoid family time for men.

Also why does sport trump other time for yourself? Maybe you just want to lock yourself in a room or he takes the kids out for a whole day so you can have me time.

I'd personally love a bath without my 4yr old either getting in or throwing toys in with me. So last week my husband bought new locks for the bathrooms so I can, and now we can all poo freely too as a bonus.

Surely it's ok not to have a hobby. What if you are happy without a hobby?

Bullshit do hobbies have to be out of the home. Since when?
Fixing up cars, yoga, meditation, crocheting and pretty much all craft hobbies are done at home. You even have the terms man shed and hobbies room specifically about home based hobbies.

I'd be booking a hotel room once a week to lay in bed and read to my hearts content in silence!

That'd be my bloody hobby.

So only people with hobbies away from home are allowed me time? Can she not be left in peace to read after he's been out at football or golf or must she be present to attend to the families needs when at home?
This is really getting to me for some reason!

If you don't get much time to yourself then it's hard to find time for interests/hobbies. It sounds like maybe he wants you both to connect more beyond life's drudgery over shared and different hobbies/interests, which is reasonable but he needs to ensure he is doing his share of the childcare/housework and so on in order to leave you free to equally pursue such interests or hobbies.

Yeah that’s not what I said. You’ve even quoted me so you can see that I didn’t say that… strange.