My husband said I have no hobbies?

[dustfairy]

During an argument about child care (mainly about me not getting much time for myself)... DH comes out with 'well maybe if you actually had a hobby you wouldn't be so bored'. It was said very spitefully.

This really upset me. My hobbies are things like reading, films, cooking etc. I always thought I had plenty of hobbies. Just because they aren't sport related like running and golf (his hobbies) and take hours on a weekend.

I feel like he thinks I'm boring? AIBU to be in such a huff?

Go the whole hog and take up triathlon with weekend training camps abroad.

Going to a spa. (relaxing in a soft robe by a warm pool on a lounger after a facial with a good book).

Make that your hobby OP. Once a week without fail for the dedicated spa hobbyist 😃

People are so weird about hobbies

Playing golf all day is no more virtuous than reading a book

Somehow knitting is a hobby, crafts are a hobby, but cooking isn't? I assume when people say cooking is a hobby they mean they spend time and effort researching recipes, shopping for special ingredients, trying out new techniques and obscure things, not just cooking a spag bol

With the popularity of Bake Off and all things cake related right now i would have thought cooking (baking?) would easily fall into hobby territory.

I would be reading and watching films out of the house all fucking day one day a weekend for the next month. Bye dear children, mummies off to not be boring because mums are people too! Don’t let daddy get away with being grumpy because he’s not at the football.

ANYTHING that you make a point of doing, or do more of than is strictly necessary just because you enjoy it, could be called a hobby.

I have no time for hobbies, because I have kids and my DH works weekends and when he's not working on the weekend, he's golfing or playing football 😂😂😂 the joys.
I've learnt to enjoy home hobbies: cooking, baking, reading - they're cheaper too! Ha

The definition of 'hobby' is just something you do for enjoyment, outside of work. It doesn't need to involve getting out of the house or meeting people. However it does seem like some people only think certain hobbies are valid or meaningful, for example sport, whilst other things are dismissed.

Time to get a ‘proper’ hobby.
Preferably one that takes up a few hours each week.

I would genuinely look into meeting up for walks with a friend or joining a walking group each week.

I don’t think anyone needs hobbies that take up hours but I’d absolutely start one just to prove a point.

Being able to find pleasure in doing simple mundane stuff, or being able to be really content relaxing with quiet activities at home is a precious thing. Not something to be looked down on.

In times of life when you're short on money or time or you're not well, or if you're a bit grounded looking after something or someone else at home, it's nice to know you can just be happy in yourself.

Those saying these aren't hobbies, I tend to disagree.

Reading - I do attend a book club once a week when children are in bed.

Cooking - I spend loads of time researching new recipes and cooking, definitely a hobby also.

Films maybe not so much? I also am learning the piano. Again, might be in the house but didn't realise a hobby by definition was leaving the house?

No, I'm not bored. But I have the kids to myself most weekends because of his longer hobbies and it would be nice to catch a bit of a break. But I can't, because he's usually busy.

You weren't complaining of being bored were you? Rather of not having time to do what you want to do. Pretty much the opposite - of being too busy, too occupied. Boredom implies the opposite.

Surely he'd hate it if you 'got a hobby' that took you out of the house for chunks of time every week?

It almost sounds as though he's saying 'if you're bored of housework and childcare that's your own silly fault for not having anything better to do, like clever old me'. What a silly billy - he hasn't thought through the consequences of you rising to that challenge!

Your post also highlights the classic difference between typical male hobbies; easily named and categorised, organised, regimented, require regular commitment. Versus female hobbies; diverse, mixed and hard to categorise, flexible, varied, often fit into any available free time. Things like 'having a busy social life' are therefore easy to belittle and dismiss as 'not a real hobby'.

Yes, of course, I'm out the home every single day with work / children etc.

Those are hobbies op, just because they're done at home doesn't mean you should have to justify them as a hobby!

The 'go get a hobby' insult winds me up, it's so childish and such a cheap shot to undermine someone.

I'd be tempted to go and paint for 10 hours, ask for £1500 for a new bike, get a gym membership etc. As others have said, he might find find a new appreciation for your apparent non-hobbies

He sounds like an arse. You need time to yourself even if it’s just to veg on the sofa

I'm not impressed with what your DH said, OP:. My exDP used to say this sort of stuff and I eventually realised he was abusing me. He's now exDP:

Does it? I'm failing at hobbies then despite having a lot of them.

I definitely don’t know the meaning of hobby then as I always thought it was something/anything you like doing in your leisure time & so those you listed are perfectly acceptable to me to be classed as a hobby. A hobby isn’t joining a local club, it’s doing something that interests you.

It (to me) is definitely not just something out of the home to meet people!

You don’t even need a hobby if you don’t want one but you should still be entitled to free time.

This!

No I was not complaining about being bored at all. I don't even have time to be bored 😂 I was complaining about the fact the last time I had any proper 'me time' was probably a good 6 months ago. And more the fact that he can be away for a whole day, but I don't really get that luxury (for a few reasons, breastfeeding / DH simply would get overwhelmed with it all !).

It would be very interesting to see if I suddenly disappeared for hours on end how he'd actually cope 🙈

I also don't understand why you'd be boring not having what he considers hobbies, it's not like running or golf are particularly interesting! Would much rather talk about books or food myself.

Isn't the point more about having equal
time to yourselves to spend as you please - either in or out of the house? Time is time. Hobbies are no less valuable or worthy just because they are labelled as such.
I had this issue with DP when our children were tots. He had 'hobbies' such as cycling, running, the gym which took him out of the house for hours on end at weekends. I didn't have an equivalent at that time (mainly because I did the lions share of childcare/wide work) unless you counted meeting friends & mooching around shops as a hobby. I found myself a bit resentful so told him that if he was spending half a day each weekend on hobbies then I would have the equivalent time whilst he looked after the kids, I then spent it how I pleased!
Now the children are older I have interests that would be considered hobbies - yoga, choir, gardening etc but the point still stands - you should have equal free time regardless of how you wish to spend it.

I don’t think those are hobbies either unless you do them in a less daily life way. But the problem is that you don’t have time for it isn’t it?

Reading I do maybe 10-20 min a day but it’s just something I like. This is similar to films. Cooking I used to do as a hobby before children. As in I spend hours preparing elaborate stuff. If you do the type of cooking that are weekend projects instead of 30 min meals for the family then I would call it a hobby. You would usually also belong to maybe an online group and do some cook along around a theme. Same with reading and book clubs.

Many women ‘s lives revolve around their families. We don’t have time for time consuming hobbies.

Maybe he means you should get out and about more.

Really? I dont read books or watch films during the week, just at weekends when I have time. To me they are hobbies...

I don't understand why you must be part of a group or a club for your hobbies to be valid. So if you read War and Peace and go and discuss it with a bunch of people then that's an acceptable hobby, but if you just read War and Peace and don't talk about it with anyone else it doesn't count??