Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want dog in my house?

78 replies

Holly1212 · 05/11/2023 20:33

AIBU to not want dog in my house?

Me and my partner live together with our DS.
When my partner invited his dad over for dinner etc he brings the dog with him. We do not have any pets and I do not want the dog in the house. We have light cream sofa and carpets and I do not want the dog in the house as his dad allows him to run all through the house.

It has got to the point where I do not want him to invite his dad over as I know the arguments that will be had by the dog coming over. I will admit I might have OCD but there is dog jumps up everything. I also do not like that his dad feels the dog at our house from our plates and forks. Things like that turn my stomach.

I have tried to be out my case across why I do not want the dog in the house but I am made to feel like this is normal that you must bring a dog to someone else’s house. I have tried to be reasonable and say he can come but put in kitchen or dining room as this has wooden flooring. There are all the promises but after 10 minister he is jumping on everything in every room. One of my main annoyances is that the dog tried to eat or play with my little ones toys so when he comes I have to put most of his toys away.

I am already feeding Christmas as I know the arguments which will come.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 05/11/2023 21:28

Holly1212 · 05/11/2023 20:39

Thank you. He says I am being ridiculous and that it is normal for someone to take there dog to a house. Even when I try to explain I do not want a dog and try to keep the house spotless as this is why I do not want a dog in the house he says everyone takes there dog to peoples houses. I do not know anyone else who does.

It really isn’t. I wouldn’t allow a dog in if I had a dog free house. Wouldn’t dream of taking mine to someone’s house, most people wouldn’t, so your dp is talking nonsense. It’s your house too, dog sounds painful and ill-trained, it doesn’t have to come with him. Can it not just be left at home?

edwinbear · 05/11/2023 21:30

@Mischance has it. So many dog owners really struggle with the concept they whilst they may think their dog is part of the family and therefore must be accommodated on family visits, a lot of non dog lovers view them as dirty, smelly, sometimes unpredictable beasts, that are not welcome in our living spaces.

Tinkerbyebye · 05/11/2023 21:33

As a dog owner I would never dream of taking my dog with me

AffableApple · 05/11/2023 21:37

Not a dog owner, but I like dogs. It's not normal or reasonable to bring a dog to someone's house. Especially a dog-free house. I wouldn't want one in my house either. This is weird and rude.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2023 21:37

Everytime the dog gets let out of your compromised room get it and put it back in. Ever.single.time. if that doesn't work take control and put it in the garden, lock the fucking door and keep the key on you then let your FIL have the dog back when he is due to leave.

Missingmyusername · 05/11/2023 21:42

I would want the dog cleaned before entering either the dining room or kitchen. Keep the dog on a lead if it’s that bad.
Does your other half own the house/pay rent is that why he’s not taking any notice of you?

I have a dog and cream carpet, my dog gets a rub down and feet are washed and dried before coming in from outside. I won’t have my MIL’s dog here because he’s a bitey bastard bichon who wont allow you to wash him down. Neither come here at Christmas now.

Original poster
Holly1212 · 05/11/2023 21:43

Everything is split between us so even decisions.

the dog just makes so much mess, slobber which I find disgusting. He is also not trained at all.

OP posts:
Frequency · 05/11/2023 21:51

DP should clean the slobber.

But you should seek help for your OCD. A spotless house isn't essential and you're coming across (to me, anyway) as if any type of mess or dirt causes you anxiety. That's not a healthy or happy way to live, regardless of the dog.

Although, I'm the complete opposite of you, so maybe it's just me, but you don't sound happy.

I have 3 dogs and a garden. My floor is pawprint-free for all of 30 seconds a day. Ditto my (leather and wipe clean) sofa. It only irritates me for the first 15 or so minutes after I finish mopping and wiping down. The rest of the time I choose not to notice all the muddy pawprints Grin

Catsmere · 05/11/2023 21:54

Holly1212 · 05/11/2023 20:50

I have tried but good dog will not go in garden alone.

Oh dear. Separation anxiety? That would explain why FiL insists on bringing him/her.

obje · 05/11/2023 21:56

Holly1212 · 05/11/2023 21:02

Thank you. We do have 2 baby gates in use currently. When I have offered the kitchen or dining room this is because I’m both are hard flooring but also the baby gates would stop the dog getting into other rooms. I thought this was being reasonable.

I agree this is a completely reasonable compromise. (Your original stance of deciding your partner has no say whatsoever was unreasonable)

What is their issue with this set up?

booksandbeans · 05/11/2023 21:58

So I see a couple of issues. The dog itself is a problem as 1) it is untrained and jumps over everything and 2) your DP Dad who feeds it from the table from your plates and forks.

You are not being unreasonable here - if it was a well trained dog which lay in its bed\crate and did not chew all your dc toys would you be OK with it. Feeding it from the table is just a big no - especially from plates and forks.

But your DP is not right when he says everyone takes their dog to someone else's home. I would say no as well unless it was particularly well behaved.

Nn9011 · 05/11/2023 21:59

You're absolutely not unreasonable. I have a dog and I leave her at home for this very reason. Whilst she's lovely, no matter how much I train her she's definitely got some sort of PICA and must steal everything. I would never expect my family to put up with her, even on Christmas day. It's totally reasonable to suggest things like baby gates to compromise.

menopausalmare · 05/11/2023 22:00

Bizarre behaviour. Why on earth would you bring your pet?

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/11/2023 22:01

Hmm, this is not the dogs fault. Or indeed the father’s fault. You have a DP problem here I'm afraid. You share the house, so you need a joint decision that is a compromise. No dog at all is obvs not fair on him, but allowing the dog free rein to run amok is not fair on you. So you need to talk it out and agree a middle ground. If he won’t agree or stick to it, you have a way bigger problem than an unruly dog..

juice92 · 05/11/2023 22:02

Not unreasonable, dogs are not allowed in my house. That being said, you should have made it clear from the outset. My in laws have a dog and when they got him, the mentioned bringing him over, we said, they said 'what not even in the garden?' we said no, not even in the garden.

The dog can stay at home and does not need to come, a dog is not a child.

Jeschara · 05/11/2023 22:10

No, the Dog would not be coming to my house. It would be a strong No.
Your FIL is entitled and does not control the dog. I would not be making any arrangements for the dog, he just does not come. Your husband should be supporting you too.

sleepyscientist · 05/11/2023 22:12

What does DH want? If he's happy with the dog and pays half the bills then I would compromise that he cleans up after it and get rid of the cream carpets! We are a dog household and that means no carpets, I love it so much easier to clean

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/11/2023 23:02

Have you actually spoken to your FIL and directly told him that you would prefer the dog does not visit? He's not a mind reader. No reason not to say that it is a bone of contention between you and DH but that it is your preference.

Then if asked why you can give him a list and perhaps reach a compromise with him directly. It doesn't have to be some sort of huge row unless he's a total dick.

Boomboom22 · 05/11/2023 23:26

It is beyond selfish for your partner to let his dad do this. This sort of thing is a veto if either says no not a compromise situation. What if it actually goes for your small child if it is so untrained? This is more than just dirty, it is dangerous.

Boomboom22 · 05/11/2023 23:27

I think it's very similar to the nuts thread where the office twat thinks it's OK for her to eat nuts even though 2 people with severe allergies are in the room. To bring your dog into someone's house.

Dinglewoop · 05/11/2023 23:53

Hmmm it's a shame the middle ground option of staying in the hard floor rooms hasn't worked. This seems like the most reasonable solution to me.

I think if your partner wants his dad and the dog round and given that the house is split it would be unreasonable for you to give a hard no. If you had a reason like you were allergic or had a cat I would think otherwise but I think just not liking the dog being in your house isn't reason enough.

I would try again with the middle ground option - I think your partner would be really unreasonable to refuse this as a compromise.

WhyteGoodnite · 06/11/2023 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Weenurse · 06/11/2023 01:24

Probably can’t leave dog at home as it would whine and cry the entire time it is alone.
You are probably less scary than the neighbors and your DP backs his Dad up.
Next time put it in a message so it is in writing and back up verbally by phone, no dog.

Catsmere · 06/11/2023 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Unfortunately, as OP described, this dog is untrained, jumps around on her furniture, and chews her child's toys. To make matters worse FiL feeds the dog from his meal, using OP's cutlery. Now granted that's a poorly behaved owner, but it's OP's home and she has the right not to want the dog there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread