Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Second-hand birthday invite

66 replies

FlorineFleur · 05/11/2023 10:48

I have no idea if I am being unreasonable or not, I just know my initial reaction to this was 'hm, seems a bit off...' so I thought I would throw it over to the wisdom of the group.

My 3 year old son is in creche, and he has 2 best buddies in there. There is a running joke about them being the three musketeers. I am friendly with one of the boy's parents but not the other one's. The boy whose parents I am not friendly with is apparently having a birthday party soon.

The only reason I know about the birthday party is because I got a forwarded txt message from the parents I am friendly with, asking to pass on the message to me about inviting my son.

It was basically 'I don't have X's mum number so can you pass on the message about Y's birthday party...'

Now, I am probably being unreasonable, but is this not a bit of a lazy and rude way of inviting someone to your child's party... especially if said child is one of the birthday boys close friends?

She went to the trouble of getting the other parents number to invite them, so why not do the same for me? It feels a bit like an afterthought or that they don't really care 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I'm a bit of traditionalist...so maybe I'm the one who's expecting too much!

OP posts:

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/11/2023 10:51

She may well have already known her number, and knows that you two know each other.

If your child would like to go this wouldn't really register with me.

Original poster

FlorineFleur · 05/11/2023 10:52

She wasn't friendly with other mum either before getting her number 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

3dogsandarabbit · 05/11/2023 10:52

I think you're overthinking this. Maybe she didn't want to ask the other mum for your number as that would have put the other mum in an awkward position. Her son obviously wants your son to go.

Yourebeingtooloud · 05/11/2023 10:53

I think you’re choosing to be offended over something where no offence is intended.

The party is a great opportunity to say ‘hey, it’s great our kids get on so well, let’s exchange numbers’

Or ask the mutual friend for her number now so you can rsvp.

Don’t waste energy getting upset about this absolute non event.

CaineRaine · 05/11/2023 10:53

Maybe she saw the other mum first to ask for her number? This isn’t about you, it’s about whether you want your child to go to their friends party.

ZiriForGood · 05/11/2023 10:54

Maybe a bit awkward, but no need to read too much into it.

Either reply to them directly, or just exchange numbers in the party.

TheOneWhereWeDontGiveAPhuck · 05/11/2023 11:00

No its not lazy or rude in the slightest.

ToadOnTheHill · 05/11/2023 11:04

Not trying to be rude to you but it's not about you.

The parents have fine what's eaiser for them. And perhaps that reinforces your views that they arent your kind of people but you dont need to like them to send your son to the party.

SerafinasGoose · 05/11/2023 11:07

It wouldn't even occur to me to be offended by this.

Another mum wants to invite your child to her child's birthday party, because she knows they are friends. People are busy, and have their own lives, so the most convenient way of issuing that invitation was to to track you down via a third party.

I've seen a number of sly, passive aggressive slights in my time, but unless this is part of some odd pattern of ongoing behaviour it doesn't sound like that to me.

DeireadhFomhair · 05/11/2023 11:07

Personally I wouldn't read too much into it. Ask mum1 for party mum's phone number and send her your RSVP, that way you both have each others numbers.

halloweenn · 05/11/2023 11:11

You are being weirdly precious about this.

She did a nice thing by inviting your child and reaching out to someone to ensure you got the invite.

if you want her number so badly, ask? What’s stopping you from asking the mutual friend from giving you her number to thank her? If you haven’t made the effort to get her number either, it’s rich to be miffed that she hasn’t reached out to you in the way you dictate. You’re nothing special for her to ask you first, you can equally ask her.

AhBiscuits · 05/11/2023 11:15

You're definitely being ridiculous.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 05/11/2023 11:16

It wouldn't occur to me either to get remotely offended by this. I'd think it was great my DS was invited to something he's clearly going to want to go to.

Don't overthink this kind of stuff. As a parent of 2 teens, you will have a million of these situations to navigate over the next ten years, some which will actually cause offence. Don't waste precious headspace on this kind of thing.

Luxell934 · 05/11/2023 11:18

You can’t be serious?

Snugglemonkey · 05/11/2023 11:19

This would not bother me at all.

clpsmum · 05/11/2023 11:21

You're being ridiculous

FourEyesGood · 05/11/2023 11:21

When you get an invitation in the post, is it second-hand because the postman/woman delivered it? Of course not! This is an electronic equivalent. Your child has been invited, but the message has come via someone else. It’s not a second-hand invitation.

DDivaStar · 05/11/2023 11:25

She saw the other mum first, she has x amount of people to contact and asked the other mum to contact you as you may not want your number given out.

Ask if you can have birthday mums number to reply directly.

Bundtbake · 05/11/2023 11:28

You don't know what may be happening in her life, I would be glad of the invite, especially when there are so many post's on here complaining of no invites for their children!

CountTo10 · 05/11/2023 11:28

Not lazy or rude in the slightest just practical.

Often the cry on Mumsnet is 'someone gave my number to someone without my permission is this GDPR and who can I complain to?'

Maybe she bumped into the other mother and asked for her number directly then asked her to send the message on. Lots of people are uncomfortable giving out other people's numbers without permission.

It never ceases to amaze me what people will get offended about. When I started reading this I thought it was going to be another ' my child isn't invited despite being his best friend' threads.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/11/2023 11:30

What a weird over reaction. Do people really think like this in real life?

CesareBorgia · 05/11/2023 11:30

I thought this was going to be about an invitation your DC had received because someone else had declined and the name had been crossed out or something like that!

GRex · 05/11/2023 11:31

You're being ridiculous; they are 3yo and your child is idled, be pleased enough and turn up being polite. I would expect the invite has a number on it, so you can reply and say yes DS will come thank you. If not, ask for her number.

wideawakeinthemiddleofthenightagain · 05/11/2023 11:32

If you'd like your son to have friends, I suggest you get over this, reply to the message, say thanks for the invitation, that your son would be delighted to go and your looking forward to meeting her and her little boy.

Plumful · 05/11/2023 11:33

You’re being ridiculous

Flip

1 2 3