Second-hand birthday invite

[FlorineFleur]

I have no idea if I am being unreasonable or not, I just know my initial reaction to this was 'hm, seems a bit off...' so I thought I would throw it over to the wisdom of the group.

My 3 year old son is in creche, and he has 2 best buddies in there. There is a running joke about them being the three musketeers. I am friendly with one of the boy's parents but not the other one's. The boy whose parents I am not friendly with is apparently having a birthday party soon.

The only reason I know about the birthday party is because I got a forwarded txt message from the parents I am friendly with, asking to pass on the message to me about inviting my son.

It was basically 'I don't have X's mum number so can you pass on the message about Y's birthday party...'

Now, I am probably being unreasonable, but is this not a bit of a lazy and rude way of inviting someone to your child's party... especially if said child is one of the birthday boys close friends?

She went to the trouble of getting the other parents number to invite them, so why not do the same for me? It feels a bit like an afterthought or that they don't really care 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I'm a bit of traditionalist...so maybe I'm the one who's expecting too much!

Good God, the things some people get offended over on MN never ceases to amaze me! 🤦‍♀️

Get over yourself and give the poor woman a break. She's got enough to deal with, so she rightly sent the invite the easiest way possible.

It’s actually very difficult to get other people’s personal information these days. If she’d asked nursery for your number, they’d (rightly) have said no. Arguably, it would have been a bit iffy for your mutual friend to have passed on your number without your say so, so what actually happened was entirely appropriate and correct. You can now reply to the inviting mother - passing on your own details - and all is sorted for the future. Really don’t see the problem here (and I’m someone who’s pretty “hot” on etiquette and that sort of thing!).

This is why I rely on other people to tell me if i'm overreacting or not 😂
I was raised by a mother who got offended by the slightest thing in the world, and clearly it's rubbed off on me! I'm trying to do better and glad of these responses 👍🏻

Or change the perspective and see that she made an extra effort to invite your son even though she didn’t have your number.

I can easily imagine doing what the party mum did and it would never have occurred to me that it could annoy someone. I would have thought it’s better than asking for your number, it can be awkward asking for someone’s number.

You're being silly - she's being perfectly sensible/normal.

I work with GDPR quite a lot, as I'm sure many people do - even in a non-work context, I'm very cautious about passing on people's numbers or email addresses.
Will normally offer to contact the person and pass on the details of whoever's trying to make contact, even when I know the reason.

I didn't have many numbers for my DC party but I knew someone that did, so I asked for the numbers and messaged the parents myself. OP was a bit miffed that other people don't do this and it was fine for her to ask opinions on this, without being told she's being ridiculous.

But take your son and hope he has a great time with his little friends!

I think it's lazy but don't find it offensive. I think sometimes parents do anything to make life a bit easier/quicker! She wouldn't have mentioned it if she didn't want you to come xx

I've read your post 4 times OP and still cannot see the issue here.

It's not an invitation to Buckingham palace is it??

Aww I've had that plenty of times, don't have all nursery mums numbers it's a common thing at our can you forward on if you have there number thing

Heard it all now. Jesus.

Glad you are questioning your reaction, because to be annoyed by this, is nuts.

Conversation probably went along the lines of.
Do you have it's phone number so I can invite them?
I don't like giving out numbers without checking first. Would you like me to ask?
Yes please (thinking they mean ask to check they can give it)

Later.
I sent the invite to Ok
Thank you (while thinking, I meant ask about the number, oh well too late)

I think you are seeing something that isn't there. If she knew the person she spoke to knew you it makes sense. You say she went to the trouble to get phone numbers from the others but she must have asked them to get them? Perhaps she hasn't seen you. Your child is invited that's what's important.

I'm glad to read you're aware of this because honestly, your kid is 3, I promise there will be a million opportunities to come where you could become offended and it's just worth the hassle never mind inventing things to be offended by!

*not worth the hassle

Bloody hell you need to get a grip. How much free time do you have? Practically everyone I know is juggling ten plates in the air at all times. Birthday party invites extended, tick, onto the next fifty pressing tasks for the day.

Wow some people really don’t have proper problems in life and come up with this sort of shit as a problem they want to focus on? Just wow.

I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. If my child wants to go, I would take him. It could be an opportunity to get to know the mum as well.

Youre being totally unreasonable.

Ok thanks everyone. Can we take it easy on the pile-on? I've already said I'm glad of the responses as I'm clearly an overthinker.

Most people just don't read beyond the OP, just rise above. You've taken the feedback on board, that's all that matters

Agreed. It's quite possible to answer someone's question as to whether they're being reasonable or otherwise without resorting to personal insults.

I'm sorry you've grown up with a mother who makes it hard for you to judge these issues. It must have felt like walking on eggshells most of the time, and that is no fun way for any child to live. I can relate to a point: I have a MiL who takes gratuitious offence at the smallest thing. The most innocuous gesture or sideways comment can set her off. I find it exhausting and have given up bothering with her.

Kudos to you for recognising this trait in yourself, and for trying to address it. Not everyone has that degree of self-honesty.

I wouldn't have given this a second thought
Sorry, but you're being petty.