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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay friend for ticket

85 replies

User8943 · 05/11/2023 00:24

My friend bought tickets for her and her boyfriend to attend a concert, however, he can no longer make it.

My friend has now asked me if I want to go instead. She is really keen for me to go as she is unable to find anyone else and will lose the money of the ticket if I don't go.

I have said yes, but have said I won't pay for the ticket. I don't see why I should when she's only asking me because she has no one else and she'll lose the money from the ticket anyway as her boyfriend can't make it.

My friend is now really annoyed and said I'm a bad friend. AIBU?

OP posts:
SweetBirdsong · 05/11/2023 16:22

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/11/2023 15:58

If you're going because you actually want to, then you should pay.

I disagree.

SweetBirdsong · 05/11/2023 16:22

10HailMarys · 05/11/2023 14:13

Just because you’re happy to go to concerts on your own, that doesn’t mean everyone is! Loads of people don’t go to gigs alone. Presumably the OP’s friend DOES want company, as that’s why she’s trying to find someone to go with - if she was happy to go alone, she could just sell the spare ticket on eBay or something instead of asking the OP and then getting pissy over the ticket price.

Show quote history

Yeah this. The OP's friend is the one who sounds like a bad friend! She wants the OP to go because her boyfriend has let her down, and is expecting the OP to pay for a ticket, for a concert that she never even planned on going to. I'd be telling her no. The poster saying 'say sorry I can't afford it' rather than 'I don't want to pay' so you won't look grabby' did have a point, but I think that ship has sailed as the OP's friend is being salty already.

I'd tell her to shove it personally, and that SHE is the bad friend! As a previous poster said, this so-called friend is directing her ire at the wrong person. Her boyfriend needs to reimburse her for the ticket, and then she can ask someone else. Asking someone to come to a concert or show with you (because the person you were going with has let you down,) and expecting this other person to pay for the ticket, is a bloody cheek frankly. No WAY would I be paying!

I can't believe the amount of posters on this thread saying the OP should pay for the ticket! LOL no way! 😆 And especially not now, after the friend was so rude and entitled and said sulkily 'meh ....bad friend bad friend!' Hmm She sounds a bit of a rubbish friend herself. Grabby and entitled.

chachachachangesoolala · 05/11/2023 16:23

Hermanfromguesswho · 05/11/2023 16:16

I’d say it more diplomaticly ‘I can’t afford to buy the ticket but I’m happy to come along and keep you company if you can’t sell the ticket elsewhere and it’ll be going to waste’

This.
The way you're describing it OP sounds quite rude.

Divebar2021 · 05/11/2023 16:24

It’s the way you phrase it “ I won’t pay for the ticket” which makes you sound a bit truculent to me. If you’d said “ I don’t love this band and I can’t really afford the ticket” or “ I wasn’t planning on going but I’ll come along so you don’t have to go alone” it would sound a bit more reasonable. It comes across like you’re trying to score a free night out rather than helping your friend. ( I’m saying that having just invited my friend to a gig because I’d bought 2 tickets…. I didn’t ask her for any money but she did offer). Perhaps I’m mistaken but that’s the way it comes across.

JustAMinutePleass · 05/11/2023 16:25

Don’t go then Op. but I suspect it’s an expensive concert and you do want to go (you’re just a begger and don’t want to stump up the cash for it!)

WimpoleHat · 05/11/2023 16:25

I think it’s fine to say “I don’t mind tagging along to keep you company, but it’s not the sort of thing I’d fork out to see myself. See if you can find someone else who wants to buy it from you and then let me know?”

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/11/2023 16:27

SweetBirdsong · 05/11/2023 16:22

I disagree.

Show quote history

Disagree away. I think if it's something the OP would like to go to and should enjoy, then she should be willing to pay for it.

Cariadm · 05/11/2023 16:45

dontgobaconmyheart · 05/11/2023 02:36

I think generally in normal circumstances, if you are going then you should contribute to the ticket, and if you don't want to go then you simply don't go and don't have to pay. However if it was something I really didn't want to go to as this is then I'd have said so and would stipulate I'd go as a favour so it meant she could but therefore would not want to pay for the ticket, that way it is up to her whether she wants to go on those terms or not at all.

What would really bother me though would be being called a bad friend, after that I'd not go. Is her boyfriend a bad boyfriend as well, for letting her down in the first place? or is it just that she thinks calling you a bad friend will result in you offering to pay and she doesn't fancy losing out on the ticket price. Her boyfriend can recompense her for his inconvenience if she feels that strongly.

What the hell is a 'bad friend' anyway and being called that would be enough to put me off going at all although I do think maybe there has been a lack of communication on both sides? 🤔🙄
As always it's not so much what you say but how you say it and if, when the OP realised that she was expected to pay for the ticket, she had said she wasn't happy with doing that but maybe she could pay for a couple of drinks during the gig and a takeaway afterwards but the friend was still not happy the OP then had the opportunity to say thanks, but no thanks!! 😏

BitofaStramash · 05/11/2023 16:53

It's polite to offer to pay.

If you don't want to go however you should decline.

meanypegs · 05/11/2023 17:00

I gave away massively expensive concert tickets because something happened which meant we couldn't go. I got warm thanks in return - which is absolutely fine. I didn't expect anything else, and just wanted the tickets not to go to waste. I tend to think that niceness gets passed around.

Longma · 05/11/2023 17:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 05/11/2023 17:56

YABVVVVVU. She's not giving you the ticket as a gift

Cornishclio · 05/11/2023 18:04

If you are only going to keep your friend company and you would not have paid out for tickets yourself I think I would resent paying. Covering food and drink while there might be a nice gesture but perhaps emphasise you aren't that bothered about going. If she has called you a bad friend I am not sure I would want to go anyway. Why isn't she cross with her boyfriend who is the one supposed to go with her originally?

Prawnofthedead · 05/11/2023 18:11

If you are going purely to help her out so she doesn't have to go alone, I would expect the ticket to be free. I'd buy her a beer or something when we were there. If I had wanted a ticket to whatever it is I would already have one so I would probably be going just to help her. If she had wanted to sell it she should have asked if you wanted to BUY a ticket which she didn't. If she had asked that and I didn't want to go I would just have politely declined.

It has all gone wrong now anyway so I would just say 'no thanks, I'll not be going' even if I liked the band. But beforehand I would only have given the price of what I would have been prepared to pay to go. So if it was to see a band I hated I would have just bought some beer for my friend. Seems a bit stupid to pay a friend £90 or whatever to see a band I don't want to see, just so they can go.

easylikeasundaymorn · 05/11/2023 18:16

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 05/11/2023 17:56

YABVVVVVU. She's not giving you the ticket as a gift

Well she would be if she WAS giving the OP the ticket. What she actually wants to do is sell OP the ticket, which OP is under no obligation to buy.

You're acting as though the friend was somehow obliged to give OP the spare ticket but it's entirely the friend's choice. She could go alone and sell the spare ticket, or not go and sell both if she'd prefer the money to company

If she WANTS OP to come with her the onus is on her to give her the ticket.

So if OP will only come for free the friend isn't in any worse of a position than she was when she started, she can go back to going alone or selling both tickets. It's entirely up to her. OP has been upfront and said she'll go with her for company but won't pay, which is perfectly fair.

I'd probably buy a drink or give her something as a token thank you but no way would I pay full price for something I wasn't that bothered about going to.

ToadOnTheHill · 05/11/2023 18:20

YABU. you either want to go or you dont.

If you want to go, pay.

aswarmofmidges · 05/11/2023 18:30

You could not particularly want to go but be happy to accompany a friend though

SleepingStandingUp · 05/11/2023 18:46

I think this is about diplomacy.

I'll come but I'm not paying because it's his problem not mine so tough on him

Vs

I can't afford a ticket / I'm not in a position to pay for a ticket but if no one else can buy it off you and you want company, I'll come.

And they shouldn't expect to get full ticket price

Friend recently couldn't come to a show, Mil came and insisted on paying even though friend just wanted me to have company.

Mumsgirls · 05/11/2023 18:48

In these cercimstands I would offer half , then everybody wins a little

Mothership4two · 05/11/2023 20:37

My earlier post on here was deleted by MN for suggesting that this poster might not be genuine 🙄It wasn't a personal attack and I wasn't horrible or sweary (never am), it's just my point of view which I think is a valid as anyone's. I think this is a goady post. I also got several thanks - obviously I am not the only one thinking this. What's so bad about that on here?

Meanwhile OP hasn't replied or started any other threads or posted on any.

If I am wrong, then of course OP should pay or not go and tell the friend that asap so that she can offer it to someone else.

Catsmere · 05/11/2023 20:41

@Mothership4two I'm inclined to agree. Didn't strike me as goady (such a trivial subject) but the OP only having made one post, then not returning, is suggestive.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/11/2023 20:46

The MN thing about troll hunting is a bit silly, isn't it? I think you might be right. Waits to be deleted.

Original poster
User8943 · 05/11/2023 20:51

Thanks for all the replies. My friend has actually now decided she doesn't even want to go anymore, so looks like no one will be going to the concert after all!

For those who think I'm a "troll", I haven't responded as I've had a hectic day with my hyperactive toddler whose only just gone to sleep. Didn't know that if you don't respond within a certain timeframe, you are then branded a troll! 🙄

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 05/11/2023 20:56

Maybe goady is too strong @Catsmere but it's kind of snippy and guaranteed to get lots of irritated replies. It's not what a friend should do to another (in my world). It was the I'm going but not paying attitude rather than asking the friend first if that was OK that seemed a bit odd to me and no second thoughts or passing guilt. I think the onus should be on the friend waiving the ticket cost not the other way round. But then plenty of people on this thread have surprised me by agreeing not to pay.

You are right it is a trivial thread!

Mothership4two · 05/11/2023 20:58

Didn't know that if you don't respond within a certain timeframe, you are then branded a troll!

It is an indication of one OP. We seem to be getting a lot at the moment along with AI bots apparently.

Glad you are genuine. Think your friend is being pissy about you saying you won't pay