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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay friend for ticket

85 replies

User8943 · 05/11/2023 00:24

My friend bought tickets for her and her boyfriend to attend a concert, however, he can no longer make it.

My friend has now asked me if I want to go instead. She is really keen for me to go as she is unable to find anyone else and will lose the money of the ticket if I don't go.

I have said yes, but have said I won't pay for the ticket. I don't see why I should when she's only asking me because she has no one else and she'll lose the money from the ticket anyway as her boyfriend can't make it.

My friend is now really annoyed and said I'm a bad friend. AIBU?

OP posts:
BlanketLover · 05/11/2023 02:39

If it was someone I’d like to see, I’d pay.

If it was someone I’d hate, and I was willing to go to help a friend out as they didn’t want to go alone, I wouldn’t pay.

So which is it?

Chromium24 · 05/11/2023 02:41

the cost is already covered and she was willing to go with her dh,

Asiatoyork · 05/11/2023 03:20

If I wanted to go I would and would absolutely pay for the ticket. If I didn’t want to go I wouldn’t.

thing47 · 05/11/2023 13:06

The money is a sunk cost. so saying she'll lose it if someone doesn't go with her is not correct, it's already gone. The boyfriend should reimburse her for dropping out, she's cross with the wrong person.

TempName247 · 05/11/2023 13:20

Say you maybe came across wrong but you mean that it’s not a band/show you would pay to see but happy to come as company if she doesn’t want to go alone, perhaps there is someone more keen that could go and pay for the ticket

Frabbits · 05/11/2023 13:41

I would always offer to pay. Pretty cheeky to expect your friend to pay for you to attend an event, regardless if her dh was originally going or not

OrigamiOwl · 05/11/2023 13:43

Schlurp · 05/11/2023 00:34

I think it's how you say it. "I'd be interested but sorry I can't afford it" would give her the option to say come along anyway. "I will come but don't want to pay you" sounds like you are demanding a freebie.

I agree with this. It's all in the phrasing.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 05/11/2023 13:44

Unless you desperately wanted to go anyway and missed out, he should be the one paying her for the ticket.

kitsuneghost · 05/11/2023 13:47

If I wanted to see the band I would pay for the ticket
If I wasn't fussed but OK i would have said up front i'll give you £x for the ticket
If I didn't like the band but was going as a favour I would say up front. It's not a bandninloke so I won't buy the ticket from you but if you still want company I'll come along.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 05/11/2023 13:48

She should pay, or her DP should.
I go alone now, much easier.

Soontobe60 · 05/11/2023 13:48

If I found myself in your friend’s position and asked you to join me, I would assume that unless she said so, I would expect you to pay for the ticket.
”Friend, I’ve got a spare ticket for XXX - £50 - do I you fancy it?”
OR
”Friend, I’ve got a spare free ticket for XXX, do you fancy it?”

ilovesooty · 05/11/2023 13:57

Watchthedoormat · 05/11/2023 00:31

You're providing her with your company.
She's hardly going to want to go alone so really she should be grateful and certainly not expect you to pay.

I've been alone to loads of concerts. Why is the OP's company so important? I think the OP should offer at least some of the money if it's an event she really wants to go to.

Kitkat1523 · 05/11/2023 14:05

Definately wouldn’t go if the expectation was for me to pay…..what sort of mate is she? …..I missed a show 2 weeks ago….had to sort my mums electric problems out last minute….offered it to another friend who was made up to go….she offered me some money but no way would I have taken it

10HailMarys · 05/11/2023 14:07

The boyfriend who now can’t go is the one who should be paying your friend for the ticket.

I don’t think “You should pay if it’s something you’ll enjoy” is really an argument for you stumping up the cash. We all have things we know we’d enjoy, but wouldn’t/couldn’t spend the money, eg I would have hugely enjoyed Fleetwood Mac’s last tour, but I still couldn’t have justified spending the huge ticket price on it, and that wouldn’t have changed just because a friend wanted me to go with her at the last minute.

10HailMarys · 05/11/2023 14:13

ilovesooty · 05/11/2023 13:57

I've been alone to loads of concerts. Why is the OP's company so important? I think the OP should offer at least some of the money if it's an event she really wants to go to.

Show quote history

Just because you’re happy to go to concerts on your own, that doesn’t mean everyone is! Loads of people don’t go to gigs alone. Presumably the OP’s friend DOES want company, as that’s why she’s trying to find someone to go with - if she was happy to go alone, she could just sell the spare ticket on eBay or something instead of asking the OP and then getting pissy over the ticket price.

Dacadactyl · 05/11/2023 14:16

If you wouldn't ordinarily go to watch this act then I think it's fair enough you don't pay for the ticket. However I think you're wrong to go and not offer to pay. Your friend will know whether you like the act or not.

If your friend can't afford to lose the cash then she should text back "no worries ill find someone else to go with"

DesignerStars · 05/11/2023 15:31

I guess it depends slightly on how much you want to see the act/band and how you reacted to her offer of the ticket. If it was an act you really wanted to see and you excitedly accepted the ticket offer then I would probably expect you to pay if I was your friend. If you said you weren't really that interested but would be willing to come along for the company if she found no-one else then I would be more forgiving if I was the friend.

If I was in your situation and I wasn't bothered about the act I might've said something like "I'm up for it but I'm not really into them enough to spend £xx" and then let your friend decide form there whether they would take me or not.

caringcarer · 05/11/2023 15:34

Offer to pay half.

HolidayHollie · 05/11/2023 15:35

Is the issue that you don't want to go and you're only going a
so she doesn't need to go alone? If so YANBU to not to want to pay.

If you do want to go and she's offered her BF ticket then you should offer to pay.

Coffee473 · 05/11/2023 15:39

If it’s a band you want to see and you can afford it I would pay.

If you can’t afford it, I would say “sorry it’s a bit much for me- why don’t you try and sell the ticket instead?”

It kind of sounds like you are just not paying out of principle and are happy to see your friend out of pocket which is a bit weird though- don’t you value your friendship?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/11/2023 15:58

If you're going because you actually want to, then you should pay.

Hermanfromguesswho · 05/11/2023 16:16

I’d say it more diplomaticly ‘I can’t afford to buy the ticket but I’m happy to come along and keep you company if you can’t sell the ticket elsewhere and it’ll be going to waste’

Maddy70 · 05/11/2023 16:17

Yabu. Of course you should pay for the ticket. She can sell them otherwise

SweetBirdsong · 05/11/2023 16:22

Maddy70 · 05/11/2023 16:17

Yabu. Of course you should pay for the ticket. She can sell them otherwise

Why does the friend not do that then?

TimeForACider · 05/11/2023 16:22

Sounds like you don’t even like her very much, so for that reason I wouldn’t go. You sound like a mean spirited tight wad.