School putting parents down

[user1473671327]

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t put parents down?

As a parent I am feeling there is more expectation for me to “perform” highly on behalf of my child than for my child to take responsibility.

For background I am a mum of 3 dc (7, 5 & 1) and work 5 days a week during term time as well as my dh who works full time. I leave before anyone in the mornings but finish to do school pick up.

This week I have been “told off” for not reading with my children everyday, for them forgetting their book on 1 day (they have forgotten this all of twice last year) and for forgetting a snack on 1 day (my dd has moved from a snack being provided to me packing it so still getting used to this as she is school dinners). It has been a busy week with start up of the usual clubs, Halloween fun and my birthday and the storm “uproar” all falling this week.

I have, however, managed to pack snacks 4/5 days, read with both my children 2 days and all in the holidays, remember outdoor learning stuff (despite it being cancelled due to weather), put them in the correct uniform everyday including PE days, do my dd’s hair nicely, ship them to their various clubs, pick them up on time, cook dinner, wash clothes/bedding, clean the house, night-toilet train my 5 year old, play with them, entertain and care for a 1 year old AND make sure they are fed nutritional homemade dinners, bath them every night all whilst going to bed happy and at a sensible time (7-7.30pm)…. To me I have done okay.

But it seems that I am failing according to the school and I have been in tears this afternoon feeling like I am a total failure at being a Mum despite my two school age kids being near top of their years.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I being unreasonable?

You’re doing great.

but reading is so important. Cut the baths to a couple of times a week and make sure you heat them read every night even if just 2 or 3 pages. It makes a massive difference!

Yea... except 90% of all primary school staff are working mothers so I call bs on that "story".

My child gets hot lunches but I have to provide a fruit snack for breaktime every day. At about 10am most schools have a short break time for children to run around/use the loo/eat a snack. It has to be fruit at my child's school.

Sadly true, no idea if the teacher was a parent or not. I do know they weren’t far of retirement. I thought they were out of touch with the real world.

i read 3 days out of 5 as worked two and a half days, which meant dd went to after school care twice a week, by the time we got home it was gone 6pm. With a 7pm bed time it didn’t leave enough time.

I never remembered snacks. They didn’t starve to death or eat their pencils.

Sounds like you’re doing really well OP! Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s the school’s job to remind people I guess, but yours to be confident enough to know you’re giving it your all.

Im a single parent and your day-today life / chores sound a lot like mine.

Took reading the pps’ posts to realise there should be a husband taking up some of this work in your set up!

My Ds (9) refuses to take a snack for mid morning, so that’s that one out of the way. He likes to just have the milk.

I’m a primary teacher and a full time working mum with a 2 year old and 4 year old. I get the pressure as a parent and I get the pressure as a teacher to ensure the parents are on board. I’m the one getting the reminder messages but I’m also the one sending them. Don’t take it personally OP, we’re all in the same boat, you’re doing a good job!

It's funny how things change over the years.

Mine weren't even allowed snacks but they didn't need them anyway as school started at 9am, lunch was at 12 and it was home time at 3.10pm.

I don't remember having mid-morning snacks at school but I didn't die or anything.

Honestly, there is no evidence to show that primary school children doing homework is beneficial and no reason at all for parents to be expected to make costumes for them. Have them read to you when you have time but I personally think that it is equally important that you read stories with them (eg at bedtime) and make sure that they enjoy looking at books and being read to. My two children are amazing readers but I certainly didn't sit with them every night when they were young listening to them reading Biff and Chipper (or what ever the boring gits were called).

Snacks - put them out the night before and it won't be a hassle to remember them in the morning.

Just nod and say yes the next time that the teacher says anything. You are doing a fine job.

I wonder do teachers notice any difference between childrens results with parents not working/working part time/ working full time/ working an insanely stressful job.

You have a DH. How much of this is he doing?

My job is hugely flexible so I collect my daughter from school everyday. However when I have a busy week and she’s at after school club there’s absolutely a difference in her spelling results that week.

Reading is the priority, unless they are seriously underweight, forgetting a snack isn't an issue. Schools can't really win though, reading only twice a week will stunt progress then parents moan (not you op necessarily but some would) sure dad can do some of the reading when he gets home