I need to leave, don't I.

[Iknowyoullgetmethrough]

I'm in my early/mid 30s and I'm a couple of years older. We've been together a few years, we rent together, but there's zero sign of marriage and children. I discussed it with him a year ago, the answer was not ready yet. I respected that and left it another 6 months. 6 months later, the answer was the same.
In my head I've given it another 6 months which will take us to early next year. This also coincidences with our tenancy ending.
Now in the 4th month and I feel like I'm in limbo.
I know my partner loves me but my fertility won't last forever.
Sadly I know he's not ready to be a husband and father, I know it deep down. He's very into going out, which there's nothing wrong with, but I can just tell. Goes out watching football a lot.
He's never, ever mentioned marriage or children without being prompted. I mean, never said anything like 'I'd love to marry you one day." He said he'd like children eventually but it's all very vague.
I've met somebody else at work who I like, he's slightly older and very sweet. I'm keeping a firm distance from this other man because it's likely clouding my judgement. I am not that person and never have been, I only speak to him if I absolutely have to, however this is making me feel really guilty even though I know these things are natural.
I can't pretend for 2 more months. I'm scared if he says no again. I love him and don't want to walk away, it's hard after so many years. I'll have to pay 2 rents at once if I leave earlier, can't break our tenancy earlier. It's not ideal but I could probably just afford it for a couple of months.
I feel like I'm living a lie. Is he magically going to change in the next couple of months and give me a concrete answer?

The last time we spoke several months ago, I was very clear about my fertility deadline.

Yes you need to leave, don't waste any more time when you've already made your decision.

Does it seem like I'm being unfair? I don't feel like I've made a decision, I really want him to tell me he wants these things with me but I don't know when/if he will.

Well you aren't likely to leave and meet someone you want to have children with straight off - but doesn't sound like you want the same thing.
Start looking at places to rent - your unlikely to find somewhere straight away, but you'll get an idea of what's on the market in your area, if you do find the ideal place a bit sooner than your current lease I'm sure you'll sort it out.

Yes. Put yourself first.

Time to draw a line and move on. He won’t be ready for many years .

What you want - babies and marriage is a totally normal, desirable and good thing. Even more so as you go into your 30s
If he won’t give it to you then yes you should leave. Find a man that will.
Frankly a good, kind and responsible man should be offering that. If is he isn’t look and listen to what he is or isn’t doing. That’s the message he is giving to you.
Its really hard but you deserve better.
Id also politely suggest that if at all possible done move in with someone else until (at the very least) you are engaged and a date for the wedding is set.
Good luck!

Do you think I need to be a bit more patient?

I want a baby but if I leave, I really cba going through the whole dating process with another man. However I couldn't afford to raise a child alone, nor do I have the resources or support, so it's tricky.

Put yourself first in this situation. You'll always regret it if you don't then regret will turn into resentment and then your relationship will be over anyway.

Don’t waste your fertile years on someone who has said they’re not ready.

I just really feel like I'm being impatient and selfish.

He won’t change. And from what I’ve seen on here, a disinterested man before kids will be a terrible disinterested father. You’ll end up tied to him forever because of the kids even if you divorce him. Assuming you ever have kids, and he doesn’t just keep stalling until it’s too late for you. I’d go now, if kids are your priority.

You have every right to decide this for yourself. He's not going to be more or ready in two months than he is now. and if it's not meant to be fii or r you two, then you are wasting his time as well as yours., so nothing selfish about it.

No, do not be more patient. He is not ready now, he may never be ready, or he may never be ready with you. When you tell him that this is a deal breaker and show that you really mean it by looking for a place to move out to, he will have to have a long hard think. He may realise he does want to marry you and have children with you, but if he doesn't, that's your answer. Get out now.

My DB was in a serious relationship in his twenties. On his 30th birthday his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum to get married and have kids soon or break up. They broke up, as my brother rightly recognised that he wasn't ready and wouldn't be for a while, and instead of stringing her along told her so, even though he was fairly heartbroken at the time. In his mid 30s, he met someone else (also his own age, not some 25 year old), they got married within a few years, and now have 3 DC.

Maybe I should give it at least a year? I know I'm sounding stupid.
However I could give it another year and he still says the same thing .. it's a huge risk.

Don't waste any more of your time on this man.

But you said the same thing a year ago, didn’t you?

My friend just recently had a baby at 41. I know it's certainly possible, but it's not a given, and it's riskier.

You know deep down that you have already been very patient. I think you need to end it

It's not selfish to pursue what you desire. You're not put on this earth to give him chances or really look out for him. Look out for yourself and I think in a few months you'll not regret leaving.

But listen to him - he is not saying "I will be ready in a year". What do you think will happen in that year? Why would he magically change? What's crucial here is that he ISNT even saying "I really want to marry you and have kids one day just not quite yet".

No, you've raised the issue, he's said he's not ready for it yet.

BUT if you day you're leaving be prepared for him to promise something "next year" or "when I can afford it" or similar
Don't be strung along
Leave and look for someone who wants what you want

He can afford to wait, you can't. Leaving has no certainties but staying does. You'll only end up resenting him more and more if you allow him to take the chance of becoming a parent; the sooner you go, the better.

If he wanted these things with you he would either have done it already or at least put plans in place.

Please don't waste your time and fertility on this man.