AIBU to be a bit peeved that dh doesn’t take any food likes and dislikes in to account when cooking for the family?

[Borageandchips]

Dh is generally a good husband and father. Works hard, reliable, supportive etc.

We both work ft and have two teen dds.

His main household task is food shopping, planning, cooking and serving during the week Mon - Thurs. He also does his own laundry and walks the dog, does the garden, and anything car-related. And bills.

I do all cleaning, organising and decluttering, and do rest of laundry and everything else in the house. Plus all communication with schools, extra curricular stuff, birthdays, holidays and other celebrations, my part of garden, all DIY such as painting and decorating.

But I also cook sometimes during weekends. Or share the cooking if dh wants to do a roast on Sunday. Now the dc are older, I always help him clear up after meals.

Anyway, AIBU to get a bit frustrated when he generally cooks all the things he likes, eg very heavy on red meat and carbs, and doesn’t take in to account the food preferences of me and our daughters who like lots of veg and lighter healthier meals?

For the past three days he has cooked:

L ready prepared sausage rolls
D quite oily pesto pasta with mushrooms and bacon

L pate on toast
D toad in the hole (no veg so I zapped some frozen peas in microwave)

L sausage sandwich
D steak and air fryer chips

He cooks lunch for us both bc we often work from home nowadays.

For full disclosure he did make a leek and potato soup a week or so ago.

I tried to tell him as tactfully as I could tonight that we would appreciate more vegetables for dinner and some chicken and fish sometimes. But he got really upset and said I was ungrateful.

So what do you think?

IABU= = I’m ungrateful and if someone food shops and cooks for me I should not complain and if I want something else I should cook it myself.

IANBU = It’s normal nowadays to want to eat a more balanced diet with lots of vegetables and to ask the cook of the house to accommodate that

Genuinely interested to know what everyone thinks as I feel guilty now for bringing the subject up but I want to try and lose some weight before Christmas and we can’t afford to eat separate meals every night. Nor do I have the time to prepare them.

You’re not being unreasonable but maybe look at sharing jobs differently so you all do a bit of the midweek cooking?

Well, I do most of the cooking here, and I started a thread yesterday asking for ideas that might accommodate everyone! So I must be more with you on this one!

Rotate the cooking and give him more other jobs. And get the girls involved. They can make a few meals that suit them.

I eat fairly heartily but I don’t think I could have such a heavy lunch and dinner every day - so get where you’re coming from.

But can also see his point - he’s cooking.

if you can work together to do. Roast can you not do some batch cooking of lighter meals together at the weekend maybe?

YABU.
Planning, shopping and cooking from scratch every damn evening is exhausting enough. It’s not a restaurant.

He's being very selfish and difficult. He's cooking for the family, not just for himself, and as far as you being "ungrateful", he can fuck right off with that. Does he think he deserves an award for doing a basic adult/parenting chore?

If I left the meal planning to DH he would probably cook pork chops with potato and a vegetable every night. I’ve been through cancer treatment and too ill to do my share but I buy what I want online and it is delivered weekly so he just cooks it/heats it up. Think Charlie Bigham ready meal type food.
It’s getting more of a challenge as I am doing the Zoe project but I am recovering from chemotherapy now so can make healthy lentil soup and veggie chilli for myself at last.
YANBU but you might need to get the whole family involved in Meal planning and cooking. The DC will learn some useful life skills.

Yes, I don’t think the person responsible for food shopping/cooking gets to unilaterally decide how it’s done, especially if they keep serving up things without vegetables! Household tasks should be decided on to agreed standards: presumably though you do painting and decorating you don’t have carte blanche to decide on colours without his input, you wouldn’t book holidays he doesn’t like, or clean with products he hates the scent of. (I hope!) You wouldn’t declutter all his possessions and keep your own stuff out.

He’s meant to be cooking for the benefit of four people, not just cooking for himself but making enough to share.

YANBU. He isn’t doing the job properly if he’s not meeting your nutritional needs with the lack of veg!

I think it's nice that you are asking here for opinions - you sound like a nice, balanced person.

I have to say that I do think that if you and your kids want different meals you should make them yourselves.

It doesn't have to be time consuming and expensive - couscous with some veg costs pence and takes minutes.

I'd possibly say differently if your husband didn't work. But he works full time. So it's nice of him also to be willing to be full time cook in my opinion (your other jobs seem shared out, from what I can tell - you do a bit more of this, him a bit more of that - but not a big imbalance).

I don't always love the food my husband cooks. He doesn't always love the food I make, probably. That's why we share it out. Both of us express polite gratitude for the meal that is cooked for us - because to do anything else would lead to hurt and upset I think!

Maybe the answer here is just for you and your husband to alternate cooking. And can your kids take a turn too? My daughter has cooked for us (with help when needed) about once a week from age 11 - she enjoys it and it's a good skill.

Could you all be involved with the meal plan?

Yanbu. Way too much red/processed meat and pastry!

He should be mature enough to have an adult discussion about balanced diets and nutrients, rather than taking criticism of his meals personally.

Quite simply, if you want more say on the meals that get served, then chip in with the planning, shopping and cooking of them.

I do think he should add some more veg. But perhaps everyone could help a bit more with cooking and meal ideas- especially the dc if they are older?

Why don't you make your own lunch and have what you like?

My DH and I both work from home but sort out our own lunches as we want different things at different times depending on when we have meetings etc.

Why have you split the chores up this way? He’s obviously not entirely suited to being the sole meal planner and cook.

Is it because he does other jobs in a bit of a shit way, or doesn’t bother, but cooking at least is regular and gets done?

No vegetables and heavy on processed meat like sausages is bad for everyone. He should know this.

He isn’t serving you food you have sensory issues with, that causes you physical discomfort, or that you even actively dislike. He just isn’t curating a menu that meets your desires.

if you don’t like his cooking, then I suggest you start rotating food preparation duties. If he is doing the work, he should get to pick the menu.

But he's not really doing that. Cooking from scratch for the family involves producing a variety of balanced meals with veg, chopping, stirring, following recipes, not ready made sausage rolls and shoving some meat in the air fryer each night.

An easy solution seems to me that everyone does their own lunch? You can easily have soup or a salad and then you won't mind having a heavier evening meal.

But YANBU that he should be cooking some veg with every meal. I think you need to put your foot down there.

Can you meal plan together?

I'd be heartbroken by the lack of veg!

Like others have said, if you both share in the cooking (children too?) it might help him feel less like he's taking orders and more like you're all trying to be healthier as a family.

Can you swap so he does cleaning and you do cooking? Or give him all the laundry instead?

Rotate the cooking.

Sunday - he cooks, but as you join in with the cooking, you take charge of there being more veg
Monday - dd1 cooks
Tuesday - you cook
Wednesday - dd2 cooks
Thursday - dh cooks
Friday - start a new tradition whereby everyone who is home, grabs something from the fridge & sorts themselves out. Because Friday is 'out out' night & your dds are either with mates, or if at home can rustle up an individual omelette/toastie & salad?
Saturday - have something from the freezer. Life is short.

You & the dds cook stuff which is healthier, they pick up a life skill & everyone wins.

But do balance it by dh picking up slack elsewhere.

Yanbu.
I wouldn't want sausages 3 days in a row either.

I agree with a PP. Make meal planning a family affair with a session each week. Get the DDs cooking weekly - a good skill if they want to eat ever, and everyone gets to choose a meal they like. The other meals (3?) could be standard roast, chilli, curry type fare.

Would make things interesting too. You might try things you haven't before.