AIBU to be a bit peeved that dh doesn’t take any food likes and dislikes in to account when cooking for the family?

[Borageandchips]

Dh is generally a good husband and father. Works hard, reliable, supportive etc.

We both work ft and have two teen dds.

His main household task is food shopping, planning, cooking and serving during the week Mon - Thurs. He also does his own laundry and walks the dog, does the garden, and anything car-related. And bills.

I do all cleaning, organising and decluttering, and do rest of laundry and everything else in the house. Plus all communication with schools, extra curricular stuff, birthdays, holidays and other celebrations, my part of garden, all DIY such as painting and decorating.

But I also cook sometimes during weekends. Or share the cooking if dh wants to do a roast on Sunday. Now the dc are older, I always help him clear up after meals.

Anyway, AIBU to get a bit frustrated when he generally cooks all the things he likes, eg very heavy on red meat and carbs, and doesn’t take in to account the food preferences of me and our daughters who like lots of veg and lighter healthier meals?

For the past three days he has cooked:

L ready prepared sausage rolls
D quite oily pesto pasta with mushrooms and bacon

L pate on toast
D toad in the hole (no veg so I zapped some frozen peas in microwave)

L sausage sandwich
D steak and air fryer chips

He cooks lunch for us both bc we often work from home nowadays.

For full disclosure he did make a leek and potato soup a week or so ago.

I tried to tell him as tactfully as I could tonight that we would appreciate more vegetables for dinner and some chicken and fish sometimes. But he got really upset and said I was ungrateful.

So what do you think?

IABU= = I’m ungrateful and if someone food shops and cooks for me I should not complain and if I want something else I should cook it myself.

IANBU = It’s normal nowadays to want to eat a more balanced diet with lots of vegetables and to ask the cook of the house to accommodate that

Genuinely interested to know what everyone thinks as I feel guilty now for bringing the subject up but I want to try and lose some weight before Christmas and we can’t afford to eat separate meals every night. Nor do I have the time to prepare them.

I do all the shopping and cooking in our house but ifbDH wants something bought he will just ask me to add it to the shopping list.
So if you want the ingredients for a salad for lunch or some extra veg can you ask him to add it to his shopping list.

You should share cooking. I cook like your DH, my DH cooks things like fish fingers and beans, DS cooks vegan one pots. Then every one gets to eat what they enjoy some of the time but no one has to cook food they don't like. Anyone who has issues with the food they are given can do their own thing. But they don't get to complain.

Do you love cleaning? Like really enjoy it? Because it does seem like he picked the chore he loves, and left you all the shitwork. And his chore is done poorly FOR YOU. Just like the cleaning was. Essentially he's cooking for himself just bigger portions. Whereas you are cleaning for everyone.

I would happily swap some cooking duties with some cleaning tasks but dh loves cooking and although it’s not what I would choose to eat he is enthusiastic about it, and he hates cleaning and does it really badly.

He cooks 4 meals a week. He fails to plan them well, he doesn’t take into account likes and dislikes or health - he misses out vegetables regularly, never buys salad! - and you think you should be grateful…? How enthusiastic do you feel about scrubbing toilets?

I do maybe 40% of the cooking and 80% of food shopping. I think it's unreasonable to not take the family's likes/dislikes into account... obvs within reason.

There are certain foods I would never eat so why wouldn't others feel the same way. There's always a compromise to be had and it's selfish to just think of yourself.

I got a heart attack just reading the foods your OH prepared OP 😷

I don’t think YABU to want healthier food but YABU to not tell him what you do want. It would only take a few seconds for you to add what you want to his list or write your own for him if he doesn’t do one.

DS (14) does all the cooking in our house as he loves it and generally, he tells me what he want to cook and I buy the ingredients or actually, he weirdly enjoys coming shopping with me. If it’s something DH or I (usually DH 🙄) doesn’t like I’ll tell him and we’ll save it for a day when DH is working away. Plus he tells me what he wants for his packed lunches.

DH on the other hand, just says he doesn’t know and then complains when what he wants to eat isn’t there, I’m not a mind reader and I don’t want to buy things on the off chance he’ll eat them!

It’s far easier for all concerned to communicate about these things.

It would also make sense for you to prepare your own lunch such as soup or a salad so you can have something healthy even if he doesn’t want to.

Regardless of who is cooking you should meal plan together, deciding what’s for dinner is the worst part of being an adult so is defo a joint job if you want to try and keep everyone happy!

Yes Blondeshavemorefun he does love a sausage! 😁😁😃

Thank you very much everyone for all of these replies! I have read each and every one. We have taken everyone’s advice and decided to reorganise chores and mix everything up a bit.

There are some really good ideas in there along the lines of what Birch101 and CrispsandCheeseSandwich have described. I really appreciate all of the ideas thank you.

Some of you have gone in to great detail and I have taken your ideas on board even though I haven’t replied to you individually.

Having taken on board what Idratherbepaddleboarding about being clear about what I do want, I spoke to dh again about it all this morning, and rather surprisingly, having thought about it overnight, he has offered to take charge of cleaning our main bathroom and the ensuite, which are my most hated jobs, in exchange for me doing all food planning and weekly on-line food order, click and collect style, which he will collect on Thursday on his way home from a weekly meeting and put away.

I have also agreed to take charge of a tiny bit more of garden - the terrace - which he isn’t bothered about.

Our girls have been given a weekly cleaning task each. We are going to talk to them more about it tonight.

I will cook one extra night a week during the week and we will continue to have one night out or a takeaway at weekends or a Gusto, and I will cook once over weekend too. He will cook three nights what I have planned and prepared during week, our teens will cook one night.

It turns out that although dh loves cooking, he doesn’t love the daily grind of it and the planning aspects which is why it’s all gone a bit samey and meat based. So if I take care of the ordering and meal planning aspect in exchange for bathroom cleaning, he is still happy to do most of the physical cooking because he arrives home earlier than me!

We are going to introduce vegetarian nights on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We are going to prepare our own lunches and this happily coincides with dh spending a bit more time in the office.

This all seems like quite a good deal to me so I accepted! It does mean more of the mental load as I am now involved in planning every dinner but it’s worth it to me if I never have to scrub a shower door again and I get to eat some things that I like.

We will see how it goes anyway. I told him that the bathrooms have to be cleaned minimum once a week and the loos and sinks wiped over almost daily and he seemed to take that on board.

Overall I reckon that’s a positive outcome so thanks again everyone for your input.

Last but not least, thanks to TopOfTheCliff for ideas and inspiration and I hope your recovery from chemotherapy continues to go well.

Oh yes forgot to thank Codlingmoths for the helpful script too.

Good, glad to hear it @Borageandchips I'm an eternal optimist, who believes that most people are up for negotiation on almost anything when both parties are acting calmly in good faith, listening to each other. I wasn't hopeful about your DH from the way you described things, but glad to be wrong and hope it works well for all of you

I cook all the meals at home. I often ask everyone what they would like but don’t get much response. Kids are too young, 3 and 7 years so they would say nuggets and fries every night if asked.

DH says whatever you make I will eat. So I ensure all meals are made with some protein, carbs and veg in a balanced form. So for example rice, chicken curry, aubergine fry, lentil curry, green beans was dinner last night.

Other meals are tray bake of chicken, onions, potatoes, chorizo, served with garlic bread and greek salad. The kids have garlic bread we usually avoid as we already have some potatoes from the tray bake. Everyone has A bowl of fruit post meal And the kids love cucumber so they have that with their meal whatever the meal is.

So if you are cooking it is important to include healthy nutritious meals. And i do make specials on the weekend depending on occasion like biryani (meat and rice asian dish) etc. for festivals or birthdays or other favourites which the kids or DH likes.

I cook the majority of food for my ds and I, I often ask him for ideas for dinner because it’s so boring deciding every day, but also because I want us both to enjoy it. I wouldn’t make something he actively dislikes.
I think your dh is being a selfish dick only cooking for himself. I’m not a health fanatic in any way, but he’s also making a lot of stodge!