A friend of mine has not used soap for half his life!!

[WTAFSHOCKEDANDMORTIFIED]

changed name for obvious reasons
He's a long time friend of mine.

How I found out.
He does work on buildings ranging from plastering to laying patios. He's qualified for many things but all are manual jobs.
He was round doing a job for me in the garden which made him get rather dirty. I noticed when he washed his hands, when I made him a hot drink, he would just swill his hands in the kitchen sink with water.. But I didn't think much in it but I noticed as the hand wash is obviously there.

Well, once he finished I asked if he could look at a job that wasn't done properly previously in my bathroom.

Once he removed his trainers (no footwear in my home as a rule) both myself and he noticed his feet stunk from the garden job. So he asked if he could wash them to put some fresh socks with a change of footwear, that carries around with him in his van (his trainers were now soaking)
I pointed out to him where the shower gels were... And he said "no I don't use those" .. So I pointed out the baby friendly soap I've got for my youngest (thinking it was more about the type of gels)

He continued to say "no.. I don't use those.. I just use water. Water is good enough".

I'm stunned to silence as he just swills his feet in water.

After a few hours.. As he's still had the left over of the garden job to finish.. Just putting things back etc... I ask him... "are you winding me up about the soap?" (he's a bit of a wind up merchant tbh)... But he sticks with it... "No.. Waters fine.
You don't need to use all those chemicals on your body, it's not good for your skin, I don't use deodorant either cos they put aluminum in them"

I am shocked cos he then said he's not any of them for 20+ years now!!! He's a grown man!!
Trust me... He absolutely stinks of BO but I just put it to the fact he's doing the jobs he does...

I'M ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED!!!

Am I out of touch here? Is this normal? Do others do this?
AIBU to think this is disgusting!!??
I can't help but put my mind to his lower areas... I mean... Ewwww. He doesn't use soap on his ASS!!
For half his life he's not used soap!!!

He's right, chemical filth and unnecessary. Wash properly with water and you'll be fine, wear clean clothes every day.

It'll not be the lack of soap that's his problem. His problem is obviously that he doesn't wash properly, if at all. And standing under the shower with warm water running down his body for two minutes wouldn't count as "properly".

To some extent, he’s right. A lot of the stuff that we wash ourselves in and slather onto ourselves is very bad for us. We just do it because society has a clean obsession and it’s what we are accustomed to.

Deodorant is rank for example. All that shite vaporised and breathed in - never mind what it’s actually doing to your skin/body under your arms.

Gentle soap is ok.

and don’t get me started on the fragrances that people add to their laundry. They think they smell “clean” but actually smell like a chemical factory. Smelling clean means smelling either of nothing or mildly like a person.

It’s absolutely none of your business. Some people are allergic to it. You are ignorant.

Isn’t that a common misconception about life expectancy? That life expectancy might have been around 30 (depending on which era you’re talking about) but it’s an average which is skewed by the very high infant and child mortality. Obviously that would have been in part due to poor hygiene, but not solely.

We should all be washing our hands with soap though!

I use hand soap and shampoo but very rarely use soap anywhere else unless I’m particularly sweaty or visibly dirty. Water works just fine and I’m sure I don’t smell (I have plenty of friends and family who wouldn’t hold back if I did!). Too much soap/shower gel dries out your skin and can be bad for the environment.

soap is still soap - the ones you mention just have additional chemicals removed that are additives used as stabilisers, preservatives (parabens), surfactants (eg sulphites which are added to increase bonding with dirt and as foaming agent ) and perfumes etc.

soap itself always requires 3 basic chemicals; alkaline (used to be lye, sodium hydroxide, but it’s this that is the major irritant whatever alkaline is used, yep you can use weaker alkalines, like Lauric acid, but if people are irritated by them it will make sod all difference becuase it’s the change in pH of skin that’s the issue), Triglycerides (fatty acids: like lard, olive oil, even lanolin and again some of these,like lanolin, can be irritants) and finally water

Without that “saponification reaction” it’s not soap🤷🏼‍♀️.

soap works by binding it’s hydrophobic/lipophilic end of its molecule (water hating /lipid loving end) with dirt particles and it’s hydrophilic end of its molecule (water loving)) that then bonds to water being used. It’s why washing with running water is best as you’re constantly providing clean water for more of these hydrophilic ends of the molecule to bind with. And like most chemical reactions heat also speeds it up, so warmer water works best.

Damn smart but very simple chemistry. Hats off to the (woman I’m sure) 5000years ago that accidentally tipped the lye onto her greasy oily hands and found they stopped being greasy 🤷🏼‍♀️😉

Cleansers for many people with allergies work better and are essentially surfactants. These are again molecules with hydrophilic and hydrophobic/lipophilic ends . They’re not made using alkaline or fatty acid. They’re synthetically produced mainly from petroleum chemicals. So, kinder to skin but not exactly environmentally friendly 🤦‍♀️

He's not got eczema, he's not allergic. He doesn't want chemicals on his body.
But I'm sure Holland and Barretts might have something suitable.
We are a family of eczema, so I recommended one of those products.

Either way, he's a friend that we were both thinking of being more than friends and now I've no idea how to go from here.
I don't want to offend him. He stinks of BO badly, but now it's obviously NOT his job that's creating the smell as such. It's just him. I can't be more than friends with him without soap or some cleaning products involved.
Now I've gotta pull back, which is gonna be obviously from the recent knowledge he's given me.

Does he have a partner? I cant imagine any partner putting up with that (or having sex with a dirty penis) unless they have anosmia!

No.. We were looking at beginning more than friends.. But now I can't with knowing this.

If he's not using soap on his skin, it makes me wonder what is he washing his clothes with? If he's smelling of BO that will transfer to his clothes. If they are not being washed properly then it begins a nasty cycle!

For everyone saying it's not a problem etc, thats fine when you only see a person for short amount of time, but personally I'm with the op, I couldn't stomach cuddling up of an evening with someone who smells so bad, let alone doing anything else.

Even with allergies/eczema etc there are enough products in the world now to find something that suits everyone. There's no need to smell.

🤨😂
you do know that lye is sodium hydroxide?

Your idea of that there are “artificial” chemicals, that are “bad” is hilarious. I’m a chemist so not talking out of my arse.

Everything is simply chemical. We’re made of atoms, that bind into compounds and make all the molecules in the world, solar system and universe. Whether it’s long chain molecules like fatty acids, or simple 2 atom water compound. All atoms, molecules are natural, in that the earth and atmosphere and universe was created with them all. Just because you extract a certain chemical molecules from plants, even ones you’ve burnt to a cinder to create ash, doesn’t make it in any way different to one coming out of a test tube- the molecular structure, the bonds, the atoms it contains are exactly the same.

The idea that using soap made from ash and olive oil, contains more “natural” chemicals than any other soap is complete bollocks. When it comes to it, it’s still the same old atoms reacting in same way during the saponification reaction. Lye is actually worse than most other soaps because sodium hydroxide is actually a stronger alkaline than something like lauric acid or the myriad of other acids used these days. But all those asides are just chemicals as well..no “artificial” or “natural” ..just plain old chemicals

And don’t get me started on the idea of “organic” soap being better fgs…more snake oil selling ….

Presumably some form of detergent is used to wash all of those changes of clothes though?

Not a chance I would date him
To put it bluntly nobody is going to being wanting to put their mouth near his bits when he hasn't washed them or his arse
You can use a shower oil, emollient cream, soap, whatever but you need to wash

Water isn't going to wash off poo, ingrained dirt and smegma though is it
You don't get shit on your hands or go gardening or touch raw chicken then rinse them and think yeah that'll do, I'll get some food prepped

I mean I don't use soap, a lot of people don't mostly for skin related reasons but he is unreasonable not to use something that cleans his skin.

The ancient Greeks used oil

If you don't intend to have close relations with him why are you banging on about his lifestyle choice.

From how you have worded it you have tried to embarrass or belittle him and thankfully he was having nine of your nonsense.

I've heard of people not using deodorant before as it's believed to be unhealthy, even carcinogenic? but I'm not sure how true that is. No soap is very extreme.

About 8 years back we very close when drunk to having sex

How did he smell then?

We do use way too many chemicals on us without giving it a second thought.

Soap, shower gel, shampoo, moisturise, make up, nail varnish, sun cream, cleanser, toner...

It wouldn't surprise me if in 100 years some of the things we use daily are banned.

I wash with soap as I'd feel grim if I didn't but I only use deodorant sparingly, for example, before a work out or on a hot summer day.

He can't seriously not wash hands with soap? That's a recipe for parasites and food poisoning!

No, but plenty of other bugs and viruses transmitted by germs are. And salmonella…..

I can quite easily see that 'mortified' is exactly the right word here. Many people, myself included, would feel terribly embarrassed and (kind of) ashamed at the thought of having to tell someone that they smell bad. I have heard of whole workplaces being in turmoil because nobody wanted to tell someone, including the manager. One place I heard of they put a deodorant on her desk, and she walked out and never came back. At a place I worked at we had a girl who rode her horse before coming to work and people complained, and the manager, an old battleaxe, said 'Go home and have a shower!'.

I'd like to see that fly when scrubbing up for surgery.

That would freak me out. I get freaked out by my mum
as she never washes her hands with soap in the kitchen! It’s so gross. I asked her once to wash her hands and she got upset so I try and block it out. My sister is the same 🤮

Yes, the average was skewed by the amount of infant and child mortality, but even so in medieval England, life expectancy at birth for boys born to families that owned land was a mere 31.3 years. However, life expectancy at age 25 for landowners in medieval England was 25.7. So people who got to 25 could expect to live until they were 50.7, on average, that is 25 more years. While 50 might not seem old by today’s standards this is an average, many people would have lived much longer, into their 70s, 80s and even older. The Roman emperor Justinian I lived to be 83 in the 6th century.