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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be at my with end about DDs hair

62 replies

runningandjumping · 01/11/2023 09:23

DD (11) has lovely long thick hair, but lately it looks very messy. She does brush it, but it looks still messy even in the morning. And in the afternoon it looks awful. She does not want me to do her hair, and I'm tired of the same discussion every morning, she gets upset quicky. She used to wear her hair in plats overnight before, but now days it feels uncomfortable, and I think this is the source of the problem. Children in school started making comments about how messy her hair looks. I don't want it to become a big issue, what would you do?

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 01/11/2023 09:29

Get it cut.

justalittlesnoel · 01/11/2023 09:30

Could she try overnight curlers? I have several of the hair sausage types and they're squishy and soft to sleep in, might help tame it slightly?

CousinGoldfinch · 01/11/2023 09:31

Ask if she would like it cut short?
I would leave commenting on it otherwise as it upsets her and this is not worth giving her a complex over.

margotrose · 01/11/2023 09:31

Take her for a haircut.

TeenDivided · 01/11/2023 09:32

Get it cut.
She has 3 choices

  • she looks after it herself
  • she lets you look after it
  • it gets cut
mn29 · 01/11/2023 09:34

Sounds like it probably has a natural curl or wave to it. This type of hair will not take kindly to being brushed and will end up looking ‘messy’. There’s loads of information out there about getting the best out of curly/wavy hair, have a look and give it a go.

Thehumiliatedfish · 01/11/2023 09:34

Is her hair actuslly curly? Sounds like she could do with learning how to style it properly. If your previously plaited it at night, could you not help her my blow drying it?

I have naturally curly hair and have a revlon one step. It means I can blow dry my own hair easily. It doesn't make it poker straight and sleek but makes it manageable the morning after washing.

Haggisfish3 · 01/11/2023 09:34

My dd was like this too. I left her to it and at end of year eight she started to look after it properly herself.

Haggisfish3 · 01/11/2023 09:35

I’m very much a pick your battles-her hair is not one I was willing to pick!

CobwebsAndCauldrons · 01/11/2023 09:35

If I read you correctly, the hair is looked after (she does brush it every morning) - it just looks messy?

I'd leave her to it, tbh. As long as it's brushed daily and cleaned regularly, how it looks can be her decision.

Jellycats4life · 01/11/2023 09:36

mn29 · 01/11/2023 09:34

Sounds like it probably has a natural curl or wave to it. This type of hair will not take kindly to being brushed and will end up looking ‘messy’. There’s loads of information out there about getting the best out of curly/wavy hair, have a look and give it a go.

Agreed.

Look up techniques for styling wavy hair. The worst thing you can do is brush it when dry.

NancyJoan · 01/11/2023 09:36

If the kids at school are teasing her, ask her what she would like to do about it. A cut, or help from you, or sleeping with it plaited seem like the solutions.

Schlurp · 01/11/2023 09:42

Children are commenting on the messiness of her hair? You know very different children to me.

Is it straight, wavy or curly? If straight I wonder if you just have high standards - straight hair always looks pretty presentable compared with my family's crazy curls. If wavy or curly maybe it needs different care such as brushing only when wet and encouraging the curl. Curly hair plus dry brushing can lead to a lot of uncontrollable frizz.

WandaWonder · 01/11/2023 09:42

My hair is probably messy but it's long so I tie back, I make the basic social acceptance of it and that is all I feel I need to do

Gillypie23 · 01/11/2023 09:55

If your daughter is happy and looks after it herself. Leave her alone.

CallieQ · 01/11/2023 09:56

Nice short easy to look after hair cut

rainbowstardrops · 01/11/2023 09:59

Could you encourage her to at least tie it back for school? Or suggest she has it cut into a more manageable style?

PawsisShady · 01/11/2023 10:02

Messy as in...?
Because mine was always called messy - what people actually meant is not smooth and sleek because mine is curly

KeepSmiling89 · 01/11/2023 10:03

I agree with previous posters - it sounds like your DD has naturally wavy or curly hair. There's LOADS of information online about embracing and caring for curly hair. No amount of brushing will make it look better - this tends to do the opposite actually. Have a look online and talk to your DD about looking for a curly/wavy hair routine.
A haircut might help as well though - go for a style with layers but nothing too short so she has the option of tying it up.

Sandcastles24 · 01/11/2023 10:05

Could her hair be wavy or curly? What does it look like natural when wet?
Stop brushing her hair if it is curly!!

If it is curly shorter may make it look even messier if it isn't treated properly as it will bounce up

qwertylal · 01/11/2023 10:05

Maybe try getting a real silk pillowcase, I did and it has made my daughters morning birds nest way virtually disappear and is easier to deal with

Sandcastles24 · 01/11/2023 10:07

Also a side note, I hate the unconscious bias that curly hair is messy straight hair is smart. It is rasist

GettingSickOfYourNonsense · 01/11/2023 10:08

Have it cut into a bob

TheGoddessFrigg · 01/11/2023 10:08

Schlurp · 01/11/2023 09:42

Children are commenting on the messiness of her hair? You know very different children to me.

Is it straight, wavy or curly? If straight I wonder if you just have high standards - straight hair always looks pretty presentable compared with my family's crazy curls. If wavy or curly maybe it needs different care such as brushing only when wet and encouraging the curl. Curly hair plus dry brushing can lead to a lot of uncontrollable frizz.

I was bullied throughout school for having messy uncontrollable hair. Im still paranoid about it now.
Go to a good hairdressers - who will able to style it and know what products to use. ( I mean, I nearly cried with relief when Frizz Ease was invented)

TeenDivided · 01/11/2023 10:08

The OP hasn't said the hair is curly?

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