To be at my with end about DDs hair

[runningandjumping]

DD (11) has lovely long thick hair, but lately it looks very messy. She does brush it, but it looks still messy even in the morning. And in the afternoon it looks awful. She does not want me to do her hair, and I'm tired of the same discussion every morning, she gets upset quicky. She used to wear her hair in plats overnight before, but now days it feels uncomfortable, and I think this is the source of the problem. Children in school started making comments about how messy her hair looks. I don't want it to become a big issue, what would you do?

Yes, quite, slightly longer short hair, anything longer than a masculine style hair cut is so high maintenance for my hair. Longer hair is so much easier.

@SoddingWeddings

That sounds horrible! I didn't know they were from a while ago - I've only seen the sausage ones in the last year or so and got addicted to them - they're made of satin with pillow material in so totally soft, they shouldn't be painful

Offer to but leave in conditioner
offer a hair cut, either a couple of inches to help prevent knots or a shorter style
offer to do her hair in lose plats

then leave the subject

Wash, use a leave in conditioner or a curl cream and comb through with a wide tooth comb. If you brush it it'll turn frizzy

I have course thick European hair, as does DD. My mum plaited mine as a child. When I got older I tied it up or put it in a bun. DD has had various "do's" currently she's got short bobbed hair with a fringe. I also plaited her hair when it was long as a much younger child. Tangle-Teezer brushes are kinder than regular ones.

I find using a softening shampoo like Dove helps. Use a heat protection spray before blow drying, if you do. A bit of leave-in conditioner at the ends helps knots and smooths it out a bit. And trim the ends every 2 months or it gets knotty more easily.

Although I believe kids have a say in their hair I think sometimes a boundary needs to be set. If she doesn't want to or can't care for her hair herself then the foot must come down.

Brush from the bottom
So get all the knots out near the ends first
Then work upwards

Oh my God she is ELEVEN YEARS OLD. She does NOT need to be wasting her precious childhood learning to 'style it properly'. Can we not let girls have a childhood before we start indoctrinating them onto the misogynistic idea they are unacceptable to the general public until they've spent up to an hour every morning and hundreds of pounds a year on products titivating, while their brothers continue to get up, shower, dress and leave the house in 20 minutes?

Oh, shaddap. Always someone who goes off on a race tangent. So unnecessary. Get a grip. We are talking about hair, and straight hair does look more controlled and neater, no denying that....I wish I had straight hair for that very reason, but I don't!

Precisely.
Slightly longer short hair requires the most effort (and products..) for me personally.

The sweet spot in regards to time / and effort is a lenght where I can comfortably gather every strand of hair a few inches below the nape of my neck.

Long enough to do plaits, updos and ponytails and with enough weight so it also looks good with no / minimal styling when I wear it loose.

I agree with PPs who say chopping it off is potentially bad advice. I have quite thick hair, it's naturally very wavy but I wear it straight for ease.

Short hair requires wayyy more time spent washing/styling/faffing as I have fewer style options; it doesn't look great tied up because shorter bits come loose and make me look unkempt. On the flip side, once it reaches "bottom of boob" length, I look bedraggled no matter how regularly I trim it. Even DH, who has little opinion on hair, once said it looked "witchy"

For me, the ideal length for balancing presentation with ease of maintenance is around the top of my bra cups.

Thanks a lot for the useful tips!
DDs hair has always been straight, but has become a bit wavy/frizzy lately, but definitely not curly. It is very thick and hard to comb through.
Will definitely try leave in conditioner, wide tooth comb and detangling spray. Cutting in layers sounds like a good idea if the above doesn't work.
Have a good day everyone!

Leave her be. It's her hair. She clearly isn't bothered about what anyone is (allegedly) saying about her hair.

My DD went through a phase of a very strange comb over style which looked terrible but she was happy. I told her it wasn't a good look and that it would be going on record that I'd said it wasn't a good look so she couldn't blame me when she looked at the photos in 10 years time.

10 years later... She has now looked at the pictures and we both laugh at her hairstyle. She was happy at the time and that's all that matters.