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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Mum's should get to pick the baby names?

70 replies

GlitterGlobe30 · 31/10/2023 20:34

Aibu to think Mums should get to pick baby's first names after they have done all the work to give birth, body changes, morning sickness etc? Especially because Dad's get to give the baby his second name so seems a bit wrong that he gets to pick the first name too.

I just see other threads on Mumsnet about arguments over baby names.

But I'm completely prepared to be told if you think this is unreasonable, more just wanted to hear people's thoughts on this :)

OP posts:
WhoBrokeIt · 31/10/2023 20:37

No.

Kinneddar · 31/10/2023 20:39

No. Assuming they're married or in a relationship absolutely not.

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

qnamdlekanakajenenqkakan · 31/10/2023 20:40

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

100%

HaitchOh · 31/10/2023 20:40

No, I think two adults should be able to reach an agreement on it. I’m amazed by the number of couples who can’t reach a simple compromise.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/10/2023 20:41

GlitterGlobe30 · 31/10/2023 20:34

Aibu to think Mums should get to pick baby's first names after they have done all the work to give birth, body changes, morning sickness etc? Especially because Dad's get to give the baby his second name so seems a bit wrong that he gets to pick the first name too.

I just see other threads on Mumsnet about arguments over baby names.

But I'm completely prepared to be told if you think this is unreasonable, more just wanted to hear people's thoughts on this :)

I think yabu for saying that 'dad gets to give baby his surname.' I think baby should have mums name. If mum has already Married and chosen to change her surname to the same as her DH then Dad will also have the same name as baby. If not then it should be mums name. My baby has my surname.

Marblessolveeverything · 31/10/2023 20:41

YABU. I am married the children don't have his surname they have both names and are used. Both parents should agree a name.

paintingvenice · 31/10/2023 20:41

Whilst they shouldn’t get a unanimous pick, I don’t think that men should keep on vetoing every name until they get their own way. Particularly when their partner is tired and pregnant. Often you hear about men refusing every option they are presented with, which makes me think they are just on a war of attrition

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 31/10/2023 20:42

Why should dads get the second name? Your assumptions are weird

quitefranklyabsurd · 31/10/2023 20:42

Nope but also the dad/partner doesn’t automatically get to give the baby their surname either.

SecondUsername4me · 31/10/2023 20:42

Especially because Dad's get to give the baby his second name

But dads don't "get to" do they? The baby is either named after the mother (her maiden name or if she chooses to take his name on marriage) or the unmarried mother chooses to give the baby her or his name.

If mum and dad are together, then they should mutually agree a name. Naming a child isn't a top trumps situation - you are naming a future adult.

If mum and dad aren't together then mum can name the baby whatever she likes because she's the only one who can register the baby.

Hellocatshome · 31/10/2023 20:43

No as I would only ever have a baby with someone I cared about and respected enough to share naming the baby with. If you can't manage to agree on a baby name then heaven help the rest of your relationship cos a lot harder more decisive things are going to crop up at some point.

Sapphire387 · 31/10/2023 20:43

I think both partners get a veto.

I also think the baby doesn't have to be given the dad's surname. But if they are, perhaps mum should have more of a say on the first name.

I am thinking of a recent thread where a guy was insistent on choosing the first name. I agree that is pretty distasteful when you consider his partner was doing all the hard work, as you put it.

LambMomo · 31/10/2023 20:45

No. Both your child, both should agree on a name.

roarrfeckingroar · 31/10/2023 20:45

100% agree

Eejitmum101 · 31/10/2023 20:46

No. But in my case yes because I didn’t like the one he chose! but the baby got my husbands middle name (passed on ) and then his surname! But if we have second baby I’ll let him name it!

Manadou · 31/10/2023 20:46

quitefranklyabsurd · 31/10/2023 20:42

Nope but also the dad/partner doesn’t automatically get to give the baby their surname either.

It's only a custom, not the law.

roarrfeckingroar · 31/10/2023 20:46

But I also gave my kids my surname

Gnomegnomegnome · 31/10/2023 20:47

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

Yes.

@GlitterGlobe30 why would you assume that the baby gets the dads name?

What if the mum has shit taste and wants to call the baby Beetroot or something? She’s done all the work so baby should be beetroot?

UsingChangeofName · 31/10/2023 20:48

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

This.

YABU

BrightLightTonight · 31/10/2023 20:48

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

100%. You OH is more than a sperm donor - you should be in partnership, in which case you discuss important things like your child's name and come to an agreement.

Totaly · 31/10/2023 20:50

Especially because Dad's get to give the baby his second name so seems a bit wrong that he gets to pick the first name too.

Actually the baby is give their mothers last name - if you are married and have taken your partners name, that’s the one given to the baby.

So you are wrong there.

Scarlettpixie · 31/10/2023 20:52

Labradoodlie · 31/10/2023 20:40

If a couple can’t have a sensible discussion and come to an agreement, I’m not sure they should be having a baby together.

I agree with this.

Ellie1015 · 31/10/2023 20:52

Ideally there is a name that they both love. But if not then as long as both parents like it the mum should have slightly more say in my opinion.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 31/10/2023 20:57

I'm 36 weeks and I've loved choosing a baby name with DH. Sure we've both vetoed names the other liked but I love and respect my DH and his opinion.

He's very bonded to baby. He talks to baby, sings to him, tries out names talking to him. Kisses my bump. Baby responds to him in a way he doesn't to anyone else. He 100% recognises him, kicks him, shuffles round in response to where his voice is coming from. Genuinely seems to enjoy interacting with him even though he's not even born yet. My DH has also looked after me throughout pregnancy. Done 99.9% of cooking and cleaning while I've had somewhat of a difficult pregnancy without me having to ask or a single complaint.

He's my equal partner and has done everything I could ask of him wherever he can to help. I know he'll be an equal parent. I can't imagine unilaterally overruling him and saying I'm the mum so I get to choose. He'd rightly be incredibly hurt.

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