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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wear a poppy?

227 replies

Notjustmesurely · 31/10/2023 15:27

I just don’t like how it’s expected or assumed you will wear one.
A friend at work bought me a poppy bracelet type thing which was kind of her but I literally wore it for that one shift and haven’t worn it since.
I appreciate its symbolism but don’t appreciate the assumption that everyone is going to be wearing one or HAS
to wear one to appreciate the cause.
If I were to wear one it would be for the conscripts who had no choice in the matter during the world wars. Not for the “modern day” political wars that the UK has involved itself in. Help for heroes and all that. The charity should come from the politicians who vote for it imo?
Newsreaders and celebs slated for not wearing one as well, what’s that all about.
Dunno it just all seems a bit fascist these days.
I always have and always will observe the two minutes silence tho.

OP posts:
CeriB82 · 31/10/2023 23:01

I donate and dont wear a poppy

i donate to marie curie too. I dont wear a daffodil

exactly the same. My donation is personal. If people wear one i don’t think any different

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 01/11/2023 08:52

Shalopea · 31/10/2023 21:47

no respect for our glorious dead

This is the problem. The red poppy glorifies these murders. I see them as victims, not heroes. I’m sure many of these men were incredibly brave and had a beautiful intention to serve, but it is such a shame that they weren’t given the opportunity to use this bravery and sense of public duty to serve as doctors, firemen, policeman etc. What a waste.

The glorification of the death of soldiers in war encourages more young men to sign up to this violence. If every hand refused to take up a gun against another human, then the politicians who start wars, but don’t fight in them, would have no one to do their dying for them, and they would have to find another way.

Technically, you're correct. And if every hand had refused to take up a gun, then I wonder what your life and my life might look like now.

For every man and woman that has served our country, I thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. You chose to, so that I didn't have to 😚

I will, as always, be wearing my red poppy.

mpsw · 01/11/2023 09:52

Shalopea · 31/10/2023 22:33

Wars were fought for our freedoms

I think this is just a lie we have been sold. Violence doesn’t solve any problems. It just makes things worse. Look at Afghanistan.

Violence is an attempt to impose your will on someone else by force. It’s the opposite of freedom.

So when someone is attacked, we should do nothing, and just let it happen?

What do you think Ukraine, Cyprus, the former Yugoslavia would be like now if no-one had intervened because it was wrong to use force to repel? And that's just Europe since the end of WW2.

Should we have, for example, stood aside and let genocide happen in Bosnia, because it was wrong to impose our will that crimes against humanity should be stopped?

LifeofBrienne · 01/11/2023 10:41

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 31/10/2023 21:32

Dear God, the lack of gratitude. I actively despise those who have no respect for our glorious dead.

‘Glorious dead’, wtf?

I’m no pacifist, but no death is ever glorious, especially not a young person dying a violent death in war. I can’t believe anyone who served in the Second World War saw their friends’ deaths as glorious, even with the aim of stopping the Nazis. Still less the gruesome and pointless deaths in the trenches in the First World War, or the deaths in Iraq for example. “Dulce et decorum est…”

And what about civilian casualties? Are they glorious?

Shalopea · 01/11/2023 12:33

I don’t think any wars made life safer or better. The reason Europe is safer today is because we have shared goals with our neighbours and diplomatic relationships.

If someone, or some group, attacks another person in our country then they should be arrested and brought to trial.

If people are being attacked abroad then I think we should call for an end to the violence and use all diplomatic negotiations to try to achieve a ceasefire. We can protect people by taking in refugees.

Sending weapons or more people to fight is only going to increase bloodshed and prolong the conflict.

Shalopea · 01/11/2023 12:38

And adding more violence does nothing to address the underlying political disagreements or social problems that led to the conflict in the
first place. In fact, it makes it worse, because the survivors will be even more angry and traumatised than they were before.

Sausage1989 · 01/11/2023 12:39

CowboyJoanna · 31/10/2023 17:10

YABVU and very disrespectful.

My DH served in the military. People who dont wear a poppy (or wear one of those stupid vegan 'white poppies' instead) are incredibly disrespectful in my eyes.

Which war did your DH fight in??

CaineRaine · 01/11/2023 12:46

Sayitaintso33 · 31/10/2023 15:48

I never wear a poppy, for reasons very similar to the ones you have expressed, but often put a bit of money in the collecting tin because I admire the sacrifice of individual soldiers.

I get quite cross (quietly) at the people who have bought one enamelled broach and never contribute again - of course, I don't know how often they donate, but the cynic in me fears, that it is rarely.

You are judging people in your second paragraph with a very closed mind. I wear the same enamel poppy that I’ve had for a few years but have a monthly DD set up to the Royal British Legion.

I personally don’t care if anyone wears a poppy or not, people have died to ensure we have freedoms to make that decision for ourselves.

Dreemhouse · 01/11/2023 12:49

My DGF and DF served, and DH is current serving. I wear a poppy because it means something to me. There is nothing political about it. If you choose not to wear a poppy for whatever reason, that is fine. I’m not sure you need to explain to anybody why you are not wearing a poppy and I can’t imagine anybody would ask.

I have never heard of the white poppy until this thread though.

Cognacsoft · 01/11/2023 12:55

Two of my uncles fought in WW2 and my neighbours db died in Iraq, he’s the youngest name on our church plaque honouring the war dead.
I don’t care if you wear a poppy or not, I wouldn’t judge anyone for not doing so.
I will however judge you for your comment about modern uk political wars.
All wars are political.
My neighbour’s db has just as much right to be respected for his part in Iraq as my Uncles in WW2.

pumpykins · 01/11/2023 13:06

I don't.

It doesn't mean I don't care though

I don't like brooches

beAsensible1 · 01/11/2023 13:16

Oakbeam · 31/10/2023 16:44

By and large we did the right thing in the world wars but the wrong thing in Africa, The Americas, Australasia, Asia and the Pacific Islands.

They weren’t the “wrong thing” by the standards of the day.

They are the wrong thing by the standards of today.

I'm pretty sure the people it was done to have a different view. Who should we ask first, the massacred native americans or maybe all the Congolese people who had their hands and feet cut off? Or maybe Patrice lumumbas family after they received a tooth following his dissolving in acid?

Many people were vocal about it being wrong then just as they are now.

Smurfmurf · 01/11/2023 13:32

Sausage1989 · 01/11/2023 12:39

Which war did your DH fight in??

Show quote history

You can be in the military and not front line.

AuntieMarys · 01/11/2023 13:41

I donate each year to British Legion but don't wear a poppy.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 01/11/2023 13:51

YANBU I don't wear poppies for the same reason

WalkingThroughTreacle · 01/11/2023 13:53

Choosing not to wear a poppy is a bit like choosing not to eat meat. Pretty much nobody will notice or care unless you get up on your high horse and start preaching about the righteousness of your personal choices.

PomegranateRose · 01/11/2023 13:58

YANBU. I’ve considered getting a white poppy many a year, but I stop short wondering if that will “encourage” comment from disapproving randoms/those looking for an argument more than just not wearing a poppy at all.

kirbykirby · 01/11/2023 14:06

Ironically, the very reason you have the "right" to not wear a poppy is because these soldiers sacrificed their young lives to give you that right. I will be donating even more this year and will be wearing a poppy. I think it's more important than ever.

Dotjones · 01/11/2023 14:08

I won't be buying poppies now that they are plastic-free because I disagree with the anti-plastic fanaticism. In the past I've usually bought a poppy or two each year, but aside from at school I've never felt pressured to wear one.

Butlinsorbust · 01/11/2023 14:08

I hate the bloody poppy police. You’re giving to a military charity, and I don’t want to give money to a military charity.
If I don’t want to wear a poppy, I don’t. It’s not just about WW1 or WW2 is it? It’s about all the other conflicts too. Palestine, Mau Mau rising, The paras murdered civilians in NI, the gulf war, Afghanistan…

Butlinsorbust · 01/11/2023 14:10

‘I won't be buying poppies now that they are plastic-free because I disagree with the anti-plastic fanaticism. In the past I've usually bought a poppy or two each year, but aside from at school I've never felt pressured to wear one.’

😂😂😂😂of all the reasons! Unless they’re made from harmful non recycled materials I refuse!

Happiestonthebeach · 01/11/2023 14:26

I think poppies and remembrance events are being increasingly hijacked for political capital.
The criticism when Jeremy Corbyn didn’t bow low enough, or when news presenters or sports people choose not to wear a poppy shows of this poppy police attitude. Politicians use it for political capital. You know what they should be doing instead? Use some of the £££ the govt get from arms companies taxes to be able to provide mental health support, bereavement help, help in older age for our veterans and their families so they aren’t relying on charities. This should be a provision of the state, part of the arms services covenant/ not reliant on me putting a pound in a tin when I’m going my weekly shop.
I think Poppy Day has been commercialised nonsense/ you get poppy window displays in every shop, but nearly everyone here will have people in their communities including young children traumatised by war. What about the sacrifice they have made? What about the trauma they have? There is nothing glorious about young people who died in terror, often little more than children, and for what? War carries on through the world with alarming frequency and ferocity. Much of the remembrance stuff doesn’t even deal with those in our communities who have suffered so much- it’s easy to glorify the past, but what about the now and the future?

I say this as someone who works with those displaced by war.

PawsisShady · 01/11/2023 14:36

Formaddict · 31/10/2023 21:48

I wear a poppy in remembrance of my classmate who died in Afghanistan when we were in our early 20s.

What is lovely about wearing a poppy is they are a choice, and you have the right to choose not to wear them without feeling guilty.

I think it is lovely when I see lots of people wearing them, but I do respect your right not to.

I do roll my eyes when I see that the local bus company has put a poppy on the front of all their buses. I think remember day should be solemn, and about all those whose lives have been lost to conflict. Makes me feel a bit uneasy when it becomes a bit too, i don’t know how to describe it, tacky?

We have them on every street light and I actually really like it
Someone takes the time (local gardener who does all the public areas) and puts a poppy on every single street light
It's really nice when you're driving through just to think he took the time to do it, and the children always comment the flowers are back

Butlinsorbust · 01/11/2023 14:55

It is possible to remember how shit war is without being forced to give money to a charity.

DarkTunnocks · 01/11/2023 15:02

WalkingThroughTreacle · 01/11/2023 13:53

Choosing not to wear a poppy is a bit like choosing not to eat meat. Pretty much nobody will notice or care unless you get up on your high horse and start preaching about the righteousness of your personal choices.

Well, apart from the people on this thread saying they are disgusted by people who don't wear them, have no respect for people who don't wear them. And the people on television etc who get berated by the public if they don't wear. But you're right, other than that, nobody notices or cares.

I don't wear a poppy. I think war is horrific. I don't need to wear a paper flower to remember that a lot of people have died unnecessarily over the centuries.